I think its very strange that your relationship would be over if you didn't do this?
This is my biggest concern of your entire post.

Regarding the bank account - my parents have an account for both boys, but its not in their name as they didnt aske for birth certificates or anything like that. I dont have a problem with it, becuase I *know* Id take money out of the ones we have for them if we needed it (bills etc, not for frivolous things).

As a result, we have ASG accounts for the boys, and money I want to save for htem I give to my parents and they bank. We dohave accounts in their name but only becuase we have relatives who'd write a cheque out to a newborn so it was the only way to cash them.