Aaah baby you keep going - if some would call it rambling so be it. I call it entralling!!!

My children's father had a really tough time bonding with our first born - and I do think it was due to the trauma. However, the bonding with the next 3 was quite evident. The births were empowered, gentle and peaceful. I trusted all my body did and I think that was reflected out.

I know what you mean about loving your children - all the bits of them. I look at my only son and his bony skinny little chest and think: "one day that will have hair and you will hold your woman or man close" but always he will be my skinny little boy!

I look at their feet - unweathered from the world. Fresh and new. I wonder where those feet will walk. I love them and the times that I have lashed out and smacked - I have felt such incredible disgust that I could harm anything on them...

I don't know if that is maternal and only with birth mothers - however I think it develops for adoptive mothers too??? I'm not sure. Sometimes my mother bear rises and I think "whoa where'd you come from"??? She is vicious and so protective...

I too fear I am rambling...