Telling people you are in Labour

[chickbabe61]

Hey guys,

I know it is early but a friend of mine said to me the other day that she was going to be in the waiting room when i am in labour so she can be the first out of all my friends see the bub.
This actually annoyed me. I don't want anyone to come in until i have spent some alone time with DP and bub and until i have has some rest. I don't think i will be up to seeing people. I also don't want to feel like i ahev to elt them in the room because they have been waiting in the room.
So i was thinking of not telling anyone i was in labour except the people like my mum and sis and DP's mum that i want in the room whilst i give birth. This way i will let everyone know about an hour after the birth maybe a little bit longer as it will take most people about an hour to get to the hospital.
I will ask mym mum to let all my family know as they are all in adelaide and wont be abel to just show up at the hospital expecting to see me.
I just feel like if i give birth early in the morning then i am not going to get any rest because i will have visitors all day.

Sorry for my rambling but her comment just really annoyed me, she didn't even ask if it was ok if she could wait in the waiting room she just told me she would. GRRRRRRR

has anyone else not told people they are in labour until after the birth ? I just don't want to sound like a cow but i also know that people from DP's side of the family or his mums friends want to come in and see the bub people i don't even know!

[Astrolady]

You can actually request with the nurses for no visitors, and if people do show up they will be shown the door by the nurses. I had a few peoples names down on the no visiting list for the birth of my boys, but as far as I am aware none of them attempted to show anyway.

it is totally up to you who you want to tell and when. I found out about the birth of my best friends baby 3 days after she had her ! I was pi$$ed but got my own back with the birth of Ashton

Love

[Trillian]

The first time around we told no one - just the big news after the event. With our subsequent babies, we've only ever told MIL as she is the one having the kids. I think it shows a lack of respect for you when people just think they are going to be there for the birth or soon afterwards kwim?

[PlonkeeMumma]

When i had both mine id didn't have family around and with #1 i was being induced and #2 elective c/s anyway so my friends did know the time etc but they wouldn't have dreamed to turn up to the hossy until i texted them ok. I really wouldn't tell anyone other than those people you actually want with you when you give birth so that you can decide after the birth when to tell other people and let them show up. You might feel like visitor's straight away but then you might not and i don't think you'll know until the day! I would be annoyed by your friend' comment too as it should be yours and your only as to who you want around. Good luck
Julie x

[Fruitloop]

The day I went into labour my mum was due to come over...so I told her to stay home (DH was with me) so she knew exactly what was going on...then when we were off to hossy, I texted my sister (couldn't talk through the contractions!) and my husband texted his parents when we arrived. As it was late at night, DH's parents didn't get the message until AFTER I'd given birth *lol* My parents and sister were constantly kept in the know by DH during my labour. As I gave birth at 3:40am, it wasn't until about 8-9am before my parents and sister visited...so we had lots of time to ourselves to bond. As for the extended family and friends, I sent a mass text message about 5pm that day!

[chickbabe61]

Thanks heaps guys.

Kathryn i can't beleive se didn't tell you until 3 days later. I would never think of that i was only wantign to hold out on not telling people until a couple of hours after the birth so i'm not bombarded with people adn i ahve time to spend with my bub without people coming in wanting to hold him or her.

Your advice has been great, i just didn't want to feel bad for not telling anyone.

[Beach Mama]

I had a similar situation too - with my mum wanting to be there and a girlfriend also said she wanted to wait. Over the course of the pregnancy whenever we talked about labour I subtly made it very clear that we would be letting people know in our time and for everyone to check with DH about when to visit including family. Actually my MIL wanted to come as soon as she heard I was going in for the c/s but DH managed to hold her off a bit - having said that they must have been around the corner because I remember coming out of recovery and his whole family were there! Will definately not happen like that with no#2!

[Ashlee]

My PIL wanted to wait, so we didn't tell them I was in labour. They were the first to find out (other than DH and mum who were my birth partners) other than my sister (gave birth at 6:25am so not too early), and I sent a mass text to all my friends and other relatives at about 9am.

[Chalalan]

My friend's Father in law!! walked into the delivery room while she was in labour! She was so upset by it and apparently it caused a few probs for a couple of months as she just didn't want to be anywhere near the ILs (as you can understand). He finally apologised to her once he realised (a couple of months later!). Its hard to imagine a FIL being that unaware of the boundaries...but I guess he was.

Chickbabe, you do exactly what you want to do and what feels right. Your friend cant wait in the waiting room if she doesn't know you've gone into labour! GL with the birth!

[Karina]

We made the mistake of telling people! We raang my mum , because I wanted her to be there. No problems there. But then DH told me to ring and tell his parents when we were on the way to the hospital. I really didnt want to talk to them or tell them, but I did anyway. So then while in labour at the hospital DH was calling them with updates, and his mum is going "oh she just had peth... well thats going to slow her labour right down"!! Then they were practically waiting in the ward for me after I left the delivery suite so visited very soon after birth, which I felt was rather disrespectful because they didnt even ask! A massive invasion of privacy, IMO. My mum had also called my sister who ended up showing up in the middle of labour and waiting outside the room telling the midwife "dont hurt her!!".

Luckily, there wasnt too much invasion.. but, in hindsight I wish we just told my mum and asked her to not tell anyone else. I wouldve felt a whole lot better if I had the chance to hve some of my own time first.

If I was you, i'd just tell the people who you want there.. and remind them not to tell anyone else!

[totalfrog]

I had my mum and DH with me in the while i was in labour but everyone else was under strict instructions not to come near the hospital until they got a call from us saying it was ok. I ended up leaving 20 hours after my 2nd daughter was born to avoid having people come and see me in the hospital!! (With DD1 my MIL showed up the morning after she was born and pretty much refused to leave meaning I got no rest at all).
Everyone is different but I didn't want to see anyone except for my immediate family (mum, sisters, DH and my babies) for a good while after both births.

[Mel09]

I had the exact same thing... my BF said she would be there in the waiting room... I told her staright out that we weren't telling anyone until after bubs was born. I think she was a little offended, but was over it pretty quick.

I was induced, and ended up telling just a couple of friends, as they would worry if they couldn't get onto us. But we didn't tell our parents... although my mum worked it out as we weren't around and she had tried to call...

We told people within the hour of DD being born, we rang our parents, and sms'd all our friends, My mum came straight up, but only stayed for 5 min, and everyone else came up the following day. It was late DD was born at 8.40 so by the time people got the msg, it was too late to visit.

I totally agree on having your time together as a family. I personally wouldn't have anyone esle but DH there, but thats a personal choice. It was the best time staright after the birth for us to be a family.

This time will be the same, only mum and dad will know though as they will be with DD, but they will be at the hosp straight away after, if DD is awake.

[Tashie]

I can totally understand how you feel. My MIL, even though I love her dearly, has tunnel vision at the worst of times and her becoming a grandma was the biggest thing ever, not that it was our baby and our moment. She got me so worried that she was going to take over on the day that I made up rules on when things were going to happen...ie; they couldn't come in and hold the baby until at least an hour after bub was born. It turned out that she wasn't that bad on the day and gave us our space. But I still can't work out why she wouldn't let us tell any of DH relatives what we were having before bub was born...she wanted to tell everyone that it was a boy once he was born...not just that the baby was born!!!!!

[Janie]

We rang our parents on the way to the hossy, but that was it. We are lucky that our parents are fantastic and there's no way they would be waiting for us. If I had thought that they would I wouldn't have called them!

Otherwise, everyone else found out when we rang them shortly after he was born. I'll be doing that same again next time.

It's your birth, you do it the way YOU want to

[luey]

It's nice to know I am not the only person out there who doesn't want to be surrounded by millions of people just after the birth. My DH and I have decided that we will call everyone after the birth. We want time to bond and spend time together as a family. We will be staying at my in-laws, so not sure how we will get around them not realising I am in labour, but I am sure they will be respectful and wait for us to call and let them know. I have already decided if I have to have an elective section, I will not be telling anyone the day or even that it is a section until after.

I think you have to stand up for what you want and others should be respectful of that. Yes it is exciting, but I think you need time to let it sink in and recover.

good luck with getting what you want

[LuluHB]

My in-laws knew I was in labour - my DH works from home and one of them dropped around to see him for something and then called (and called and called). Given I was 4 days overdue they all guessed. My Mum knew cos I had an OB check up that morning and ended up having to be induced cos of high blood pressure - Mum always called after an OB check up to make sure it was ok.

The time after your baby is first born is so special for you and your partner. Its a time for your new family to spend together and the last thing I wanted was to share those precious moments with anyone else. We called both parents a couple of hours after DD was born, so just before midnight. Then only grandparents were invited in the next day to visit. My SILs all came in with their children anyway, which made me so mad. I bit my tongue but if they do it again this time, I won't be so polite.

[chickbabe61]

I spoke to my friend and told her that I wouldn’t like ti if she were in the wating room as if something goes wrong and it is a long labour then I will be exhausted and I will need time to rest and bond with my bub before I see anyone. She just looked at me and laughed. She said that she was going to be in the waiting room and it was all ok because she would just wait until I was ready to see people. She just doesn’t understand!!!! Grrrrrrrr!!!! So I have decided that I will not be telling her when I go into labour. Lets just hope that I am now where near her when my waters brake hahaha.

Another thing that has annoyed me is that DP’s dad announced that him and his Girl Friend wanted to be informed when labour started so that they could be there to see bub when he or she comes out. He said they have a right to see their Grand child. What does he mean their grandchild I really hope that he doesn’t think my child will be calling him mistress nana or anything. Sorry but I am really close to DP’s mum and He cheated on her with this women and there is no way my child would be calling that cow grandma. Sorry if I sound harsh but I have only met her like 3 or 4 times and all those times she was a rude snob to me, she wouldn’t say anything to me but when I tried to make conversation around the group she would cut me off and start talking over top of me.

Sorry if I sound rude guys I am just really annoyed at all these people just assuming we will want them there. I know DP’s dad is going to be on his back about making me change my mind but it is not going to happen. We are not goignt o tell anyone except my birthing partners and that’s it. Maybe about an hour or so after the birth but lets hope I have him around 6 in the afternoon so no one can visit then 

[Mother Goose]

Hi Chickabee,

All of my family in interstate and I have a good friend who said something similar to me - that she would wait downstairs whilst I was in labour. Her reasoning was so that she could give me the support family normally would. As sweet as it was - I didn't want it. I tried to be subtle but she just didn't get it. So I bit the bullet and told her that if I knew anyone was waiting down stairs that I would have trouble concentrating on birthing my baby - which was what I needed to focus on. She finally understood then. BUT, we also chose not to tell anyone when I went into labour. A couple of people knew when my waters broke (because I had to trek into the hospital which is at the back of where I work) but that I wasn't in labour and would be induced the following day (if labour didn't establish). These people were told not to expect any calls or messages from us until the baby was born. DH messaged people once I was on the ward and had had a chance to bond with DD. So it was about 3 or 4 hours post birth. No one complained and they all understood. Do what is right for you.

HTH

MG