I really wanted to start this thread cause I know deep in my heart, when I had my first c/s which was not my choice, I felt like an utter failure as a woman.
I had planned the whole natural birth, no drugs, positive thoughts etc but due to a twisted pelvis (which I only found out after baby number 3) and 23 hours of intense labour, I had to have an emergency c/s. I felt like I had cheated my son out of the natural birth he deserved, my husband out of watching his first born come into this world and myself for not being aloud to do what god had made my body to do naturally.
Dont get me wrong, I am so happy my child came out healthy and I dont love him any less...but those first few hours were not full of love..more resentment towards myself.
I was due to have a VBAC with my second and due to him trying to come into the world at 32 weeks, he tore my c/s scare internally and yet again had to have another c/s.
Vy Came early and no matter how much I begged was given another c/s. I woke and felt like I had gone to sleep and woken to a baby without any pain at all (a first)
So anyhow, here I am again with number 4 on the way and yes have been told I have to have another c/s. POstive - I know when my baby will be born (sort of if I dont have to have another emergency due to early labour) Negetive - the pain and the guilt that tears you up afterwards. IM very excited about having another baby and I know that this one will be my last which is very sad. Well there's only so many c/s a body can take.
So id like to share with others who feel the same about having a c/s and to those who think that people only have c/s to take the easy way out as they say.....I'd swap anyday
Awww Maz, it's a horrible feeling isn't *hugs*
Have you ever debriefed your births? I found it so therapeutic. First writing it out & then talking to my best buddy about it. It really does help.
Is there any chance of trying for a VBAC now? I'm sure there are women that have done it after 3 previous c/s. Is there anything you can do for a twisted pelvis?
I know what you mean about feeling like a failure. I laboured for 14 hours and ended up with an emergency CS under a general anesthetic as the spinal didn't work. I met my baby several hours after he was born and it felt very surreal to go to sleep pregnant and then wake up and be handed a baby and have people say "this ones yours"! I know I am lucky to even have him and I love him more than I can say but I too feel cheated out of having a vaginal birth that I felt I was entitled to.
My DD is due in November and I'm going to do my absolute best to birth her the way my body intended. I'll not love her anymore but as she will be be last and I desperatley want the experience of seeing my child born and knowing my body is capable of birthing the way it was designed.
Big big hugs Maz... :hugs: I am hearing it's not the choice you wanted to make. But would it help to try and plan your baby's birth. Maybe you can ask for what you want and need. If it's important to you to hold your baby straight away, etc etc. Lots of love and thankyou for sharing your story ...
Big hugs, Maz, I don't think any way of birthing is the 'easy way out', and you have certainly had more than a fair share of difficult birthing experiences! I hear your sadness. Is there someone you can see (a hospital social worker, or someone in the obstetric ward itself) to talk about your feelings and debrief about your experiences thus far? It won't change what is happened but you might feel stronger and more at peace going into your birthing time this time round.
Thanks girls
I honestly dont think it matters how much you talk about the situation's and births, the feeling never really goes away. I just thought this would be a great place for those of us who have these feelings to let go with out judgement and talk to others (like us) who are walking in the same shoes.
I so apprecihate (god I so can not spell) all your positive thoughts. It if very heart warming and uplifting. Unfortunately due to having 3 c/s and having my tube reversal Im classed as a high risk pg and defently no VB for me. I had my ob's appointment 2 weeks ago and cried my eyes out to him when he told me. He was absolutely fantastic and gave me the biggest hug. So rare for a man to understand how we feel. Yet, what annoyes me about my body, when I have a m/c I have total m/s and never need a D&C ahhhhh it bogles my brain.
Mauw
I was told that I had a low lying placenta with DD#2 and the thought of having a c-sec scared the hell out of me!! Turns out my placenta moved up enough for me to deliver naturally.
So just the slight threat of c-sec was enough to gain a tiny bit of insight to how you may be feeling and it isn't nice :hugs:
*hugs* Maz how hard. I definately understand the feeling of failure when having a c/s. I think the idea of planning your c/s this time is a wonderful idea. There are some birth plan's for c/s that have been posted before & I think it would be great to take that in & discuss the options with your OB. Things like holding baby skin to skin afterwards in theatre, breastfeeding, letting the cord pulsate... etc... I think these things can help in the bonding process.
maz .. maybe ask if u can assist in your c section?
i had a cs and regret and yearn for my vb .. even tho ive only got one bubba the feelings of failure are still there !!
hugs for you ... even tho u feel u have filed at birthing ... u sound as thou u have not failed at mothering ....
Apparently you can ask to have the screen/sheet pulled back so you can see the baby emerging from your body (to just see the baby, not the wound), and request to have baby placed directly onto your chest and attempt breastfeeding while being stitched.
I would love to help deliver my baby what a wonderful idea......pmsl - can i do it under a general? I cant have a spinal due to god giving me a faulty back
Have sort of planned to the best of my ability, a birth plan. I have asked for my baby to be bought start into recovery when I wake up so I can BF straight away and bond with bub. I did the same with Vy and it was absolutely wonderful.
Im glad there are other girls out there that feel the same, we can all help and support each other
Maz, great idea to start this thread to discuss with others with similar feelings of having emergency c/s and being support to each other.
I understand your feelings, after having a 36 hour labour doing hypnobirthing, ended up having an emergency c/s as Julia was stuck in my pelvis and unable to move down to be born by VB. I have been told due to my bone structure down there I am unable to deliver another baby by VB. I have come to terms with it after talking to my GP, psycologist and friends who have been in the same situation however, still feel like I wish I could give birth naturally to another child when we have another.
looking back at my c/s everything happened as best as I could imagine, I got to hold her as soon as she was born, then she was passed to my hubby then my mum in the operating theatre, DH never left her side which is what I wanted and then I was only in recovery for 40mins then went to my room where they were all waiting for me and I was able to BF.
Thats great Maz you have asked if you can BF with bub as soon as you are out of recovery.
Hi Maz,
Firstly, hugs to you, honey. I do know exactly how you feel.
My first birth was a caesar (emergency) under a general. I knew it was going to be a caesarean. Both babies were transverse, so there was no way out but through the hood. The emergency part was a surprise.
I felt totally ripped off. Totally. Still do, to this day and OMG they are 11!!!!
When I was pregnant with Lily I planned for a VBAC but ended up having an 'elective' caesar. It was calm, planned and very sterile. Again I felt as though the baby had been removed rather than birthed. I was awake though and got to see her but I still felt like a failure as a woman and that I had missed out on an important rite of passage.
Next came William...
Then we come to Ivy and Noah, again, choice was taken away from me due to emergency and again I felt as though I had failed.
It's hard when we have this drive to birth our babies, have a normal natural birth. Sometimes I feel so sad when I read about normal birth and I wonder why that was so hard for me to achieve.
Like you, Maz, I will never know normal physiological birth. I guess that is something I will have to work through.
Like some of the other girls have said, there are ways to help you achieve the absolute best outcome for caesarean birth.
Ok, so you are going to have a general. Is Jed allowed in? Most hospitals allow the partners in these days, even with a general. Get him to take in his camera, or a video camera so you can get heaps of photos for you, so you can piece those memories together. I think that is one of the biggest things, when you have a general, you lose a big chunk of what happened and that certainly doesn't help. What about having baby in recovery with you from when you wake up and having skin to skin there? What about requesting that no one touches baby (excpt Jed - who could also have skin to skin until you wake up) until you have? You can ask for all the stats to be done after you are with baby too. There is nothing written in stone that says baby MUST be weighed and measured within half an hour of birth, that just makes things tidy for us midwives!!!
If you've chosen a name for your baby, why not ask everyone to hold off calling her/him said name until you have had the first opportunity to utter it? I know that was one of the special things at Lily's birth, when the surgeon asked what I was going to call her. Saying for the first time, made it real. Made her mine.
I feel for you and I understand how you are feeling.
what a great thread, hope its ok for me to post in here! I have actually had both!!
First of all my first born was emergancy c-sec due to toxemia at teh age of 16 ( it scared the living daylights out of me) i had no time to even think let alone plan anything, as nobody had told me what was going on until i had to go to hospital for *observation* well it was straight after i did my urine specimen that they started rushing around telling me i had to have a c sec and i had to have a epidural and at 16 i freaked out i can tell you!
My next bub was born 2yrs 10mths later and i was told in ipswich that they wanted me to have another c-sec but then we moved to the country and they were more than happy for me to have a vbac, all went well and after 11 and a half hours and a trillion stitches i had my little girl!! I went on to have 3 more vbac's all girls with no dramas. Then along comes number 6 and bub is stuck in breech and as i have had a c-sec before they won't attempt to turn the bub and refuse to do a breech vaginal delivery ( which is fair enough cause i dont want to risk my bub) So at 38 weeks i go in for appoint and get told this bub is not going to turn and we have to do a c-sec i tried to be calm and agreed with him but thought we could wait until after new year ( it was on the 27th Dec i had this appoint) as all my girls were late anyway. But he said we will organise it and then i get told it will be on the 28th Dec that was the very next day!!!!! I walked out of the hospital ina daze i had so much to organise and no time to do it! Unfortunatley most of the people around us (family) are not very supportive so we couldn't really turn to them for much at all. Anyway my DS was born via c-sec the next morning (even after me praying like crazy for him to turn through the night) and it is honestly only now that i am coming to terms with everything that happened!
My recovery was slow and the only help i got was from DH and with 5 other kids to run around after it was pretty tuff!
I know i have been fortunate to have VB's but i still feel like an absolute failure for not being able to birth two of my babies vaginally. Funnily enough both were boys!!!
I agree with what tiggy said about the involvment thing too, i was lucky enough to be awake with both mine but didnt plan anything, i just layed there and freaked out!
But ask them if you can take avideo camera in and record your little ones birth so that you can go back and see what happened! I would also ask that they dont bath bub or anything until you are awake so that you get to have that snuggle where bub still smells so new ( i don't know how to describe it but nothing beats that first cuddle when they dont have any unnatural smells to them yet). I would also ask for DH and bub to be in recovery with you and for no one else to see bub until after you have had your time to bond and feed! Three are so many options out there and you at least have the time to plan it to be the best that it can be! I truly feel for you and wish you all the best
I also understand where theresa is coming from with wanting to have another one purely to try and achieve a Vb !! I have had VB in the past but my last was a c-sec and i felt so ripped off that i have this strong urge to have another bub and i dont know what the true reason is, i figure it is either a) to prove that i can do it naturally again, b) because my DS will be on his own at home for the whole 5 yrs before he goes to school and i think he will get lonely , c) i am a clucky old hen and just love having babies and a big family , or d) a combination of all of these
Anyway thats my story and my thoughts on your situation and i really hope you get to at least have everything the way you want with your c-sec :hugs:
Tiggy and Kat - guys I am so glad I started this thread now...I feel that there are so many of us stuck if this little gap in the side of the road. Atleast we can all link our hand together and try to help each other.
My c/s is very saw at the moment....I think I might have a little so and so stretching it a bit to quickly....hmmm
I love th eidea of having avideo camera in with me Tiggy. Jed came in when we had Wlhelm and even though I was knocked out he aske dnot to come in with Vy's birth. It really freacked him out as the doctors let him see everything. I have asked the ob if he can take pics for us with our camera and he said he is more than happy to for me. He is one fantastic guy my ob.
Maz i have to say that i am also glad you started this thread! It is very helpful being able to talk to other Mums who truly understand the feeling we are left with after a c-sec. Most of my friends have had all naturals and they just dont get it! When i found out i had to have a c-sec with number 6 everyone was saying what are you worrying about as long as bub is here and healthy, and yes that is very important but they jsut don't understand the feeling you get deep down in your heart about it. Even my Dh said he was scared of the whole surgery thing, and he nknew how i felt and said that its not something even he as the closest person to me could grasp properly.. Hope that makes sense.
I have actually read up on your story quite a bit with your tubal reversal as well Maz ( watch out stalker alert) , a girlfriend of mine really wants her tubal reversed but i think she is giving up on it. My doc wanted todo mine while he had me open and i refused flat! My AF are heavy enough without doing that to me!!!!
Anyway i hope more of us come in and share their stories too, it really does help to talk it out with people who know what you are feeling.
OH I love being stalked Kat....pmsl...it means im loved...rofl
I was debating wether or not to get my tubes redone and DH and my ob have talked me out of it. I dont think I can go back to getting them done again. I had so much pain and my flow an absoley pri@k
My Dh is scared of me having another c/s. We had a really good chat about it the other night and he said he cant get over how strong I seem to be afterwards when he knows how much it hurts me inside. I suppose we tend to put on different faces in our lives to not only mask our feelings around others but I suppose I know if I think about it to much, I'll end up a wreak. My parents bought me up to be positive minded and I know I really do try with everything that the man above has thrown at me but sometimes I wish I'd get a little break.
I fairly fine with this next c/s now, I know when I hit the 30 week smark there will be a little bit of wee in my knickers everytime I think about the birth and having to think about that taste of fear you get in theater just before they knock me out...ah to much thinking...
Feeling like a failure (yet again) c-section
. I had my ob's appointment 2 weeks ago and cried my eyes out to him when he told me. He was absolutely fantastic and gave me the biggest hug. So rare for a man to understand how we feel. Yet, what annoyes me about my body, when I have a m/c I have total m/s and never need a D&C ahhhhh it bogles my brain.
, a girlfriend of mine really wants her tubal reversed but i think she is giving up on it. My doc wanted todo mine while he had me open and i refused flat! My AF are heavy enough without doing that to me!!!!
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