How did you feel about having a c/s?

[Sterla]

Another thing that i can remember was in recovery i got really upset,as bub was whipped away so quickly,i only got a glimps of him,then it was all up to DH,to look after him,for a couple of hours.I miss the bonding on the chest,first breast feed after birthing,as the Midwives let DH,give bub a bottle .

This is something that bothered me too. They brought DS over to me after looking him over, but I couldn't move and could barely see him. Then DS and DH left and I stayed in recovery. It was almost 2 hours from the time DS was born to when I got to hold him for the first time. After having the importance of that first skin-to-skin contact drummed into me, I was quite upset to miss out on that close contact after birth.

Thank you everyone for your responses - it's great to know you're not alone.

[Indadhanu]

Yes, Jazz and Shel left and went back up to maternity while I stayed in recovery, I didn't get to hold her until a little over 2 hours after she was born, let alone feed her. I felt really upset that I was 'introduced' to my own baby... plus the fact that for the first few days I pretty much couldn't do anything for her, I couldn't even pick her up when she cried or change her nappy. I couldn't be a mum, which I think had a huge impact.

[Heaven]

I feel ok about my c-section which really surprises me actually. Throughout the pregnancy I was really focused on a natural drug-free birth and I was so so scared of having to have a c-section. But I think the reason I'm ok with it is because of my labour. I really feel like I did everything I possibly could and a c-section was the only answer. I was in labour for 33 hrs. Went to hospital 10pm on a friday night and she wasn't born until 2.30 Sunday morning. So they let me do my own thing. I had my active labour. Didn't ask for the gas until about mid-day Saturday when I was getting pretty exhausted. Then when I wasn't progressing still by Sat night despite having strong contractions 2 mins apart pretty much the whole time and they decided to give me the drip to see if it would help and I decided on an epidural because I was totally exhausted and petrified of the thought of contractions getting even stronger. And I didn't want to try the pethidine bc I knew it didn't do much and I didn't want it getting through to the baby. After waiting even longer for the drip to work and having 2 epidurals inserted bc the first didn't work, bub still wasn't moving down into my pelvis enough and the had to get the Dr to come check me out. He was so nice and I think this played a big part in how I feel now. He really wanted me to have a natural birth and said he would usually try and use a vaccum in any situation but honestly thought it was too dangerous bc bub was in the perfect position for birth but the fact that she wasn't moving down and there was still a tiny bit of cervix left meant there could be a reason she couldn't get out and it's possible she was just a bit big. I am only little and she was 8lb 10oz and also my mum had the same problem when giving birth and had 4 caesarians. I cried when he told me he thought a caesar was the way to go bc it's not how I imagined it would be. But the way everything happened and the reasons for it helped me to feel ok about it because I believe I couldn't have done any more than I did. He also took time to explain to me that it wasn't anything I'd done and that it didn't mean I couldn't have a normal birth in the future.
Afterwards Grace was bought straight over to me and DH held her close to me while they finished up. Then when they were finished she was put straight on my chest for skin to skin and breastfed straight away. I imagine this helped a lot too.

Well, that turned out longer than expected.

[shellbell]

Almost 11 months later and I can safely say that I am not over the fact that I ended up with a c/section. I felt disempowered by my doctor, DH (although bless him he was doing his best) and the midwives and I am not sure today whether I will ever "get over it". I hate the fact that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do and I hate the fact that I didn't meet my son until 2 hours after he was born.

I try to work through it as best I can - it is all becoming a bit fresh again as we have been talking about TTC #2... DH is dead keen on me having an elective cs - and I flatly refuse! Should be interesting times!!

[black_rose]

Before having a emergency cs at 34 weeks because DD was bum first and my waters broke I was petrified at the thought of having one. When it did happen it happened so fast that I really didn't have time to worry about it. I was lucky I got to have a quick hold and kiss of DD before she was sent to the special care nursery so I felt I had bonded with her.

I did get angry that they wouldn't let me go to the nursery to see for 12 hours but I eventually got my way and they took me in to see her.

I went into pre labour with strong contractions this week and had a choice of having another cs or trying for a VBAC. I chose not to have the cs as I don't want to be stuck at home not being able to drive to the hospital if the bubs was in the scn again or care for DD. They stopped the labour as my cervix was closed instead but it wasn't out of fear that I said no.

[Counting Days]

I had an c-section for my first and will be having an elective with my second

I was happy first time and will be happy second time (when we get pregnant) why is so much focus put on how the baby got into the world.
Having a great pregnancy no longer seems to count, as long as the baby and mother are well does it matter how it happened?

C-section support to me suggests that we need support how about we just celebrate bringing a new life into the world and give ourselves a break.

I recently saw a pregnant women smoking but as long as she has a so called natural delivery everything is fine?
Raving on now but what annoys me is all the bad rap women seem to give each other when choosing or having one as if it is a failure because we could not or would not do a vaginal birth

[Macca79]

I had an emergency c section with DS and now I am pregnant again I am doing what I can for a VBAC but due to the previous size of DS I might be facing a repeat c section for this one. Part of my coming to terms with DS's birth and in preparing for this one I got hold of a copy of the book 'Birthing From Within' (Great read I have to say). The author encourages woman who have had c sections to actually call the 'cesarean births'. Many of her clients have found this helps them to claim their experiences as 'birth' after all we did go through a fair bit to bring our special bubs into this world. Major surgery is not a thing to treat lightly.

I found that by admitting I wasn't happy about my experience and be letting others know that just having a 'healthy baby' wasn't enough for me. My son was fine but for a long time I wasn't. I developed post traumatic stress as a result and had problems with bonding, successful breastfeeding and PND. All the things they don't tell you you are at an increased risk of when you undergo a c section.

Give your self time and refer to your experience as exactly what it was, a birth. It might take a while till it feel comfortable but give it a go. You don't have to feel 'greatfull' for the experience and you don't have to like it either. Talk about it, debrief it it until the cows come home. Someone have no problems in how they relate to a c section, others suffer much before they can claim it, others never do. We are all different in this way. Just don't ever feel you have to like what you went through or feel hapy about it if you don't. Give yourself time to heal emotionally.

[Ellie]

I had an elective c section 2 weeks ago and it was the most amazing and beautiful experience. Bub was with me as soon as she had been checked by the Paed and stayed with me the entire time I was stitched up. Skin to skin within 10 minutes and bub made her own way to the boobie which was just amazing. I had a gorgeous midwife who was by our side the entire time and was with bub while the Paed had her. I felt that I was supported by the most amazing group of professionals who took the time to acknowledge the incredibly long and difficult road we had travelled to finally hold our baby in our arms...yes it was quick...but emotionally that's what we needed...I gave birth to my daughter...and I would be totally offended if anyone said I hadn't! My biggest hurdle was that I was convinced I was having a boy lol! Took me a few seconds to process the fact the she is a girl!!!

[Gigi]

Almost 11 months later and I can safely say that I am not over the fact that I ended up with a c/section. I felt disempowered by my doctor, DH (although bless him he was doing his best) and the midwives and I am not sure today whether I will ever "get over it". I hate the fact that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do and I hate the fact that I didn't meet my son until 2 hours after he was born.

wow, i relate to that Shellbell.

i prepared for a natural home waterbirth, laboured at home for 29hours, ambulance transfer to nearby children's hospital, 6 hours of medical intervention to hurry labour up, then emergency c-section, baby arrived with apgar score of 2, whisked away, no skin on skin for us, dh stopped any formula being given to our baby.

My recovery took months of being like an invalid, so at the very time i needed to be very active in my newborn's life, i was not well enough to do it, and i was on my own with her when dh wasn't at work or sleeping.

i wish i had explored ALL ways of labour, not just natural waterbirth, cos when i had to make huge decisions, with medical people i had never seen before, about concepts i knew very little about, after being in labour for 30 hours already, it was not a good time to be ignorant.

i was glad i got to experience labouring in a waterbirthing pool at home, that was good, proved to myself i can labour without drugs, but when a weird medical phemonena happened to my uterus during labour (bandl's ring), i do realise and comprehend that without the c-section, both me and bilby would have died.

the disconnect for us was pretty intense
at 29 months old, she is very unaffectionate, adn i find it impossible not to blame myself, for the way she entered the world, and our delayed meeting. Bf-ing did happen, but it took four months to establish, i also blame that on the delayed meeting.

i cannot use the b word, i refer to her "arrival" instead.

i don't feel this way about other mums and their c-sections, it's just a personal thing for our situation.

the long recovery also meant i could not use slings/baby carriers, another thing i really wanted to do, another way of connecting with her that we didn't get to do.

my child took a very long time to learn how to smile - again i relate that to the amount of pain i was in after the c-section, i doubt my baby saw enough smiling around her in those first few months.

I think a c-section COULD be much more empowering IF
- you had read up about it
= made some choices yourself
- at least met someone who was going to be in the operating room with you
- could have the skin to skin after it
- got physical support after it, so all you had to do was look after your baby (e.g housework, meals, food shopping).

if i had another child, i would aim for a waterbirth at home again, but would ALSO school up on the other alternatives. Anything can happen when you go into labour.

i had virtually ALL the things i was against
- two epidurals
- fetal monitoring
- labouring on my back, hooked up to machines, numb
- being in an operating room with lots of strangers adn bright lights in my eyes
- forceps

the vermix was cleaned off my baby IMMEDIATELY, when i wanted it left for three days.

hospital staff were SO KEEN to give my baby formula - all those "breastfeeding friendly hospital" posters are just for show i think. I had to fight to make sure her first drink was my milk. (whilst recovering from 37 hours of labour and major surgery).

i don't know if i can get over this. no-one really wants to hear it (except places like this thread), so i just keep quiet about it in real life.

"but you have a lovely child now"

not many people "get" or "acknowledge" the grieving of it.

the bottle of champagne, that we had in the fridge, for dh and the midwives to drink, once baby had arrived (in our lounge), has never been opened.

[Sterla]

Oh Gigi, you've made me cry!

I know how you feel to a degree... it's the very reason I started this thread, cause I needed to know I wasn't alone in feeling like I do. You circumstances sound much more severe than anything I had, and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that .
You are so right... not many people do 'get' the grief of not being able to birth your baby naturally. I feel as though I've had this precious experience and the first few hours of my baby's life taken away from me. I never expected to feel grief (that's a great way to describe it).
Like you, I never expected to have a c/s. In all the pregnancy and labour books I read, I always skipped right over the c/s parts because I just didn't believe it would happen to me.

I'm aiming for a VBAC for my next bub... but I'm aware it may not happen. I'm going to be doing a lot of reading and research, as well as making as sure as I can that if I do end up with another c/s that I get to hold my baby straight away - not 2 bleeping hours later!

Thank you so much for sharing Gigi.

[mummabond007]

Wow, firstly I would like to say how terrific you all are as - WOMEN!!

I completely understand where all of are coming from.

I have had two c-sections. My first for Placenta previa, I guess I felt 'robbed' of my oppurtunity to give birth naturally. Especially as I was so 'into' my pregnancy and writing a birth plan etc, etc. I didn't get to hold or meet bubs until 1.5 hours after the birth. I didn't even know what she looked like as I was crying when they showed me to her. I HATED the second day, being stuck with cords and lines going in and out. I demanded to be let free but the mw took hours. They wheeled her into my room without removing everything so when she cried I couldn't get to her!! It would take them 15 minutes or more to respond to the buzzer. I felt like it was holding me back from being a good mum. To top it off this horrible mw scolded me for her dirty nappy. I couldn't get out of bed to change it because of all the paraphenalia attached to me! Ugh!

Birth to me was a womanly mystery that I so wanted to experience. I guess it wasn't to be.... I was able to breastfeed though and that really helped me through. I always thought that the next time would be different.

My second, I was all motivated to go natural - even got up to 8cm on my epi-no. My ob was a little concerned about my scar rupturing (I thought I was smart by going private this time). I rang him in tears one night as I was frightened about it. He told me the 'safest thing for you to do is to have another ceasarean' He booked me in the very next day. DS wouldn't breastfeed - but I made him! LOL No way was he getting out of that arrangement!

I always regret not going for my VBAC. If you have the chance do it! Better to try than live in regret.

I am planning to have our third in a couple of years. THIS time I WILL do it
I will hire private midwife, I will find a vbac friendly ob and hospital. I will do it!!

What really gets my goat is when people drop comments like 'too posh to push'. Ceasers are the 'easy' way out. And say things to me like "Having a natural birth isn't all it's cracked up to be you know!"

Thanks for healing thread!

I just wanted to hold them for the first time when their arms were reaching out for their mummy. I wanted to see them open their eyes for the first time. I wanted to feel their skin on mine when they were born. All the pain in the world would be worth it to have those memories....

On a lighter note, I found Breastfeeding in the bath really helped with connecting and bonding. Something about the warm water, the skin on skin.

Sorry for the rambling and the looooong post!

It's wonderful to tell people who understand