How did you feel about having a c/s?

[Ellie]

I had an elective c section 2 weeks ago and it was the most amazing and beautiful experience. Bub was with me as soon as she had been checked by the Paed and stayed with me the entire time I was stitched up. Skin to skin within 10 minutes and bub made her own way to the boobie which was just amazing. I had a gorgeous midwife who was by our side the entire time and was with bub while the Paed had her. I felt that I was supported by the most amazing group of professionals who took the time to acknowledge the incredibly long and difficult road we had travelled to finally hold our baby in our arms...yes it was quick...but emotionally that's what we needed...I gave birth to my daughter...and I would be totally offended if anyone said I hadn't! My biggest hurdle was that I was convinced I was having a boy lol! Took me a few seconds to process the fact the she is a girl!!!

[jackrose]

I had an emergency c section with DS and now I am pregnant again I am doing what I can for a VBAC but due to the previous size of DS I might be facing a repeat c section for this one. Part of my coming to terms with DS's birth and in preparing for this one I got hold of a copy of the book 'Birthing From Within' (Great read I have to say). The author encourages woman who have had c sections to actually call the 'cesarean births'. Many of her clients have found this helps them to claim their experiences as 'birth' after all we did go through a fair bit to bring our special bubs into this world. Major surgery is not a thing to treat lightly.

Yay on the pregnancy, on going for a VBAC and for 'Birthing From Within'! I loved this book to and found myself furiously scribbling notes as I read it to remind myself later. That book and Ina May Gaskin's two books changed my whole attitude to childbirth - in a very positive way!

I am sorry you had such a terrible time with your birth Macca79 and I agree wholeheartedly with your advice of time, talk and debrief. Even though I feel pretty good about my c/s birth I still 15months later find myself talking and debriefing about it. Heaven, reading your story was a real Dejavu except for the time you got to have with your DD after the birth. That is the one thing that still really irks me about my experience... so much time until I got to skin-to-skin' with my girl and so many attachment issues which seemed to stem from the c/s implications. ...See, still debriefing .

It is really great to read all of these different experiences, I am so happy for those of you like Ellie where the experience was such a positive one. Fantastic.

[sazzafrazz]

My CC was a real emergency due to major foetal distress. I think part of the reason I feel so let down and sad about having had a cc was the fear and drama involved as we could have very easily delivered a dead baby.

I am in two minds really about how I feel. I know I did all that I could to bring on a natural labour before my induction and I spent probably 16hours of my labour time walking and standing and rocking, trying to progress. My dr let me dictate to a degree how fast he was allowed to intervene with his methods of induction and he allowed me 28hours before the CC. I think he would have allowed me to go much longer had DD not deteriorated so rapidly.

I felt really comfortable with the surgical team as I knew 6 of the 9 attendants in there due to being a small town. I held DD after her 5min apgar test when she got a 9 (only a 6 at birth) but didnt get any skin time till in recovery when we bf. I was ok with that at the time anyhow as I found it so difficult to hold her while lying like that and my arms were so tired that I had to ask DH to take her.

I know that if I hadnt had the CC I would definately not have delivered a live baby. Her cord had perished since the 37week scan and she had hardly grown due to starving. Her heart rate had dropped to barely 60bpm and was getting worse with each contraction. She just wouldnt have had the energy to birth.

I think I mostly feel bad as she took 10years to conceive using IVF and I just wanted to do the birthing for myself, not surgically. I also had trouble bf as she was so tired and small and wouldnt attach so again I felt I couldnt do anything right myself although we did get that working after a few horror weeks. Another thing that really hurt me was having a woman from my antenatal class labouring in the room connected to mine by bathroom. I could hear her for hours on my day 3 which did not help my coming to accept our birth.

I guess I wonder if I will ever be pg again and if I will ever get to try VB? This may have been my only chance and that is perhaps what I grieve most over, not that I had a surgical birth to save my dd life.

[India's Mum]

I had a CS when DD's heartbeat suddenly dropped to 25 after my waters were broken. I found out later the cord was wrapped around her neck several times. I feel a bit weird about the experience because it was so quick that I had to have a general and DH was kept distracted and out of the the theatre (he didn't even know the operation had begun until he heard the baby cry). So my little miss was a bit independent and came into this world without Mum and Dad which I have never envisioned as a scenario. I didn't get to see her for four hours as I had blood pressure problems and stayed in recovery for ages but DH held her for most of that time and I think that was very beneficial for him.

I don't really have a problem with it all though as I figure a birth story is just that. It isn't pre-written, it's the events that take place during the birth, be they expected or unplanned. I also didn't feel I had a problem bonding when we finally met. Maybe it was the drugs, but when I first saw her, I kept thinking she was me. I looked at her and my mind kept saying "That's baby me".

The night after her birth the midwives put her into bed with me, skin to skin so she could feed when she wanted and I wouldn't have to move around too much and it was the most magical night of my life. I didn't have those lovely moments just after the birth but just thinking about that second night fills me with that joy and connection and I reflect back on that often and think "I have that precious memory to keep all my life. It's different than the one I expected but no less special".

I am often saddened to hear how others are depressed by the experience of a necessary CS and I can only suggest that maybe they can find some other experience close to the birth, like my second night, and try to make that their special moment.

[sazzafrazz]

Thanks for your post SammiP,
I really hadnt thought about it that way before reading your post. In fact I read the first bit and was tearing up thinking "how awful" till I read how you felt about it.

Your take on the situation is just wonderful and has inspired me. I had a really tough time in the first few weeks with feeding issues and my feelings about the birth but I'm going to have a good ole think now for the magical moment like you talk about.

Thanks so much

[India's Mum]

Hi Sazz

I would love to hear "your moment" when you get a chance to think about it. Good luck with TTC 2. We are also trying for another.

[Peg]

I have read that when a woman gives birth vaginally, the process of the birth releases hormones and these hormones contribute to the feeling of attachment to the bub

I wonder how much of these hormones are released when labor is interrupt or when there is no labor as in the case of a planned c-section?

[Sterla]

I have read that when a woman gives birth vaginally, the process of the birth releases hormones and these hormones contribute to the feeling of attachment to the bub

I wonder how much of these hormones are released when labor is interrupt or when there is no labor as in the case of a planned c-section?

I'm curious about this too. I have always loved my DS, but didn't feel overwhelmingly attached to him in the beginning. Bonding properly took a while.

[Heaven]

Same with me I think Selina. I loved DD as soon as I saw her and cried when she came out but I still wasn't really attached to her for the first couple of weeks. I don't know if it's the same for everyone but for me I think it was because I just felt so crappy. My experience of her was pretty much just pain, lol. Pain from the labour, pain from the c-section, and we had BF problems so pain from that. I was just sore all over and that stopped me from enjoying her I kept on thinking I should be feeling differently.

[Sterla]

SJ - I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling that way. It's something that is hard to be honest about. There should really be more talk about it.

[STARRYSKY]

was the same with me, I was lucky enough to get ds to take with me to recovery, bf while in there, but there was no "bond".
I pretty much forced myself to attach to him, I was very stubborn with the mws and nurses, lifting him up myself and trying to keep him with me as much as possible, even though i was told that i would suffocate him
3 days in at around 4 am i looked at my baby and SAW my baby iykwim. cue lots of mummy guilt and tears (how on earth could i doubt my love for this creature???)
Even through all the pain i was in, i tried to do all i could for him myself, otherwise i dont think I would have believed he was mine. the whole experience was surreal enough as it was.

I never once even entertained the thought that i may end up having a cesarean birth ()
so having one was a huge shock for me, I could have quite easily slipped into depression if not for the wonderful support on here leading me to reach out to others in RL who have had the same thing.
I still feel like not many understand how I feel or why I feel this way, I am now scared that if i get pg again i may have to go thru all that again, its not what i want, but a huge part of me is scared silly about giving birth vaginally now, is that normal?
so 6 months on I think i am getting better, physically i am healed but emotionally and mentally, well, im not quite there yet.

[Mumeee]

I've had 6 children, including twins no problems but then #7 was transverse due to the 'extra room' apparently. Before I had a c/s I thought that all that mattered was that the baby was fine and it didnt matter how the baby got here. But I didnt realise the effects it would have psychologically on me. I just felt traumatised and violated and freaked out that I'd been cut into! And it took a long time to recover physically and definitely emotionally. I feel like I should be apologising to all the c/s mums out there for not taking the drama of giving birth via c/s seriously enough.
Of course I look at my beautiful little princess who is without a doubt the best 2 year old in the world (ok bit biased) and I know that her being safely born was the most important thing. BUT Anyone who has to have a caesar for whatever reason has a right to feel freaked out.
I do wonder how much is hormonal though and being in pain post-op and especially if it is a first baby - with all those 'new mum nerves"

I'm due in August and aiming for a VBAC solely because of the 'recovery time' thing with other kids to look after and havent enjoyed this pregnancy much so far because of worrying about how to cope with another c/s.

[Sterla]

I still feel like not many understand how I feel or why I feel this way, I am now scared that if i get pg again i may have to go thru all that again, its not what i want, but a huge part of me is scared silly about giving birth vaginally now, is that normal?

I feel exactly the same way. I'm definitely having more kids, and I really want to have a natural birth. On one side I'm worried and scared that I won't be able to have a VBAC, but on the other side I'm pretty scared of having a vaginal birth. I think I now doubt my body's ability to give birth, because I never got a proper chance to try before I was rushed to the ER for the emergency c/s.

[sunshine_sieben]

Sterla, I have not had a c/s, but I still wanted to comment, I hope you don't mind. I think your feelings are very valid and not uncommon.

I had a completely natural waterbirth. So a very different experience. But, I still sometimes felt like DD wasn't really mine. She was NEVER seperated from me, I was the first person to touch her. But I still somehow felt like sooner or later I would have to give her back to her rightful mother. Maybe that was because my mum, who is a very strong woman, was there at the birth and stayed with us for 4 weeks after the birth to help out. While I'm so glad that I had her support (and I've asked her to do the same with #2), maybe I leaned so much on her that somehow, sometimes I felt like my daughter's sister rather than her mum. Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the second she was conceived. It was just the fact that I really was her mum, that took some time to sink in. It is such a hard concept to grasp that you were the one who made such a perfect little "thing".
Oh, and I didn't really "do" anything to birth my daughter either. I let it happen. I feel more like she and my body were just doing what had to be done and I was along for the ride.

Somebody asked about the hormonal ****tail and whether it is released during a c/s just like it is during a natural birth. The simple answer is: NO. Even an induced labour messes with the normal hormonal balance. But, fortunately nature gives us a second chance and those very important hormones (mainly pro-lactin and oxytocin) can be released after birth mainly through skin-to-skin contact and BFing. So in my opinion, if you give birth via c/s, it is very important that you try and spend as much skin-to-skin time in the days and weeks after birth to "catch up" with those hormones you misssed out on (goes for both, baby and mummy). We are also lucky that many off those hormones have been released during pregnancy so the process of bonding has actually started before birth.

Sasa

[Peg]

Somebody asked about the hormonal ****tail and whether it is released during a c/s just like it is during a natural birth. The simple answer is: NO. Even an induced labour messes with the normal hormonal balance. But, fortunately nature gives us a second chance and those very important hormones (mainly pro-lactin and oxytocin) can be released after birth mainly through skin-to-skin contact and BFing. So in my opinion, if you give birth via c/s, it is very important that you try and spend as much skin-to-skin time in the days and weeks after birth to "catch up" with those hormones you misssed out on (goes for both, baby and mummy). We are also lucky that many off those hormones have been released during pregnancy so the process of bonding has actually started before birth.

Sasa

I had a feeling it was something along those lines. I know also breast feeding stimulates the hormones as well, so even if you dont get the burst of hormone during labor, you can make up for them with breastfeeding.

[Sterla]

Thanks for that sunshine_sieben

[Gigi]

Almost 11 months later and I can safely say that I am not over the fact that I ended up with a c/section. I felt disempowered by my doctor, DH (although bless him he was doing his best) and the midwives and I am not sure today whether I will ever "get over it". I hate the fact that my body didn't do what it was supposed to do and I hate the fact that I didn't meet my son until 2 hours after he was born.

wow, i relate to that Shellbell.

i prepared for a natural home waterbirth, laboured at home for 29hours, ambulance transfer to nearby children's hospital, 6 hours of medical intervention to hurry labour up, then emergency c-section, baby arrived with apgar score of 2, whisked away, no skin on skin for us, dh stopped any formula being given to our baby.

My recovery took months of being like an invalid, so at the very time i needed to be very active in my newborn's life, i was not well enough to do it, and i was on my own with her when dh wasn't at work or sleeping.

i wish i had explored ALL ways of labour, not just natural waterbirth, cos when i had to make huge decisions, with medical people i had never seen before, about concepts i knew very little about, after being in labour for 30 hours already, it was not a good time to be ignorant.

i was glad i got to experience labouring in a waterbirthing pool at home, that was good, proved to myself i can labour without drugs, but when a weird medical phemonena happened to my uterus during labour (bandl's ring), i do realise and comprehend that without the c-section, both me and bilby would have died.

the disconnect for us was pretty intense
at 29 months old, she is very unaffectionate, adn i find it impossible not to blame myself, for the way she entered the world, and our delayed meeting. Bf-ing did happen, but it took four months to establish, i also blame that on the delayed meeting.

i cannot use the b word, i refer to her "arrival" instead.

i don't feel this way about other mums and their c-sections, it's just a personal thing for our situation.

the long recovery also meant i could not use slings/baby carriers, another thing i really wanted to do, another way of connecting with her that we didn't get to do.

my child took a very long time to learn how to smile - again i relate that to the amount of pain i was in after the c-section, i doubt my baby saw enough smiling around her in those first few months.

I think a c-section COULD be much more empowering IF
- you had read up about it
= made some choices yourself
- at least met someone who was going to be in the operating room with you
- could have the skin to skin after it
- got physical support after it, so all you had to do was look after your baby (e.g housework, meals, food shopping).

if i had another child, i would aim for a waterbirth at home again, but would ALSO school up on the other alternatives. Anything can happen when you go into labour.

i had virtually ALL the things i was against
- two epidurals
- fetal monitoring
- labouring on my back, hooked up to machines, numb
- being in an operating room with lots of strangers adn bright lights in my eyes
- forceps

the vermix was cleaned off my baby IMMEDIATELY, when i wanted it left for three days.

hospital staff were SO KEEN to give my baby formula - all those "breastfeeding friendly hospital" posters are just for show i think. I had to fight to make sure her first drink was my milk. (whilst recovering from 37 hours of labour and major surgery).

i don't know if i can get over this. no-one really wants to hear it (except places like this thread), so i just keep quiet about it in real life.

"but you have a lovely child now"

not many people "get" or "acknowledge" the grieving of it.

the bottle of champagne, that we had in the fridge, for dh and the midwives to drink, once baby had arrived (in our lounge), has never been opened.

[Sterla]

Oh Gigi, you've made me cry!

I know how you feel to a degree... it's the very reason I started this thread, cause I needed to know I wasn't alone in feeling like I do. You circumstances sound much more severe than anything I had, and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that .
You are so right... not many people do 'get' the grief of not being able to birth your baby naturally. I feel as though I've had this precious experience and the first few hours of my baby's life taken away from me. I never expected to feel grief (that's a great way to describe it).
Like you, I never expected to have a c/s. In all the pregnancy and labour books I read, I always skipped right over the c/s parts because I just didn't believe it would happen to me.

I'm aiming for a VBAC for my next bub... but I'm aware it may not happen. I'm going to be doing a lot of reading and research, as well as making as sure as I can that if I do end up with another c/s that I get to hold my baby straight away - not 2 bleeping hours later!

Thank you so much for sharing Gigi.