Big big hugs Danni... I have had a little weep reading your story. Thankyou for sharing it - I hope it has helped.

Sheries post was excellent she explained why and I hope that can help some...

Birth plans I believe are really really important. To have them implemented we have to talk them thru with our careproviders so a place of mediation can happen. Essentially you both have to agree to the "conditions" or the contract so to speak.
Now, when things go smoothly it is often not a problem to implement them. But when there is a hiccup it is sometimes not that easy. I am so sorry that you have been left feeling the feelings you have.
I also understannd the need to blame someone. That's a normal stage of the grief process and what you are experiencing is grief that your birth didn't happen as you had hoped. :hugs:

Maybe in time you can look at it a little differently - or maybe you won't. Next time will be different. If you chose a VBAC I would choose a midwife/doula to go through the prg/birth with you as extra support. If you choose a c/section I would do the same. Advocacy is important as important as the support of someone trained to support women through this experience.

Men do see it differently sometimes. It's the result that is most important. But often for women (I know for me this is true) the process is so intertwined with the outcome so as not to be separated.

Lots of love Danni