Ok just off the phone with a triple p lady. reassured me that this is somewhat normal.
Said that this behaviour is usually linked to insecurity = lack of a solid schedule.
So I am going to work on bed time, bring it forward & stager out who goes down first etc.
Pocket money will stop & be replaced with 20c each night for good behaviour that he can collect to then spend if he likes.
a chart (as planned)
limited tv/pc time.
possibly separating the boys ( Glenn will sleep better then Evan so evan may need his own room, so not to disturb glenn while we get this happening)
telling evan what makes me sad, not his "behaviour" but what exactly ie: hitting me, name calling etc
Be his mum not his friend

She also agreed that DH's approach is not helping at all. Which I will have to convince Simon to be a part of the new rules & stick with me on it. I think it will be hard but as she said if I don't fix this now, its going to get worse.

I need to retrain not only Evan but myself also.. There is a loose schedule to which things are done but I don't stick to it day after day. I need to promise myself to be more strict with myself for this to work.