VENT: my child talking about suicide on Christmas Day

[Traveller]

huge hugs Gigi as others have said, suicidal thoughts seem rational when someone is depressed and it is very hard to find a way through that. I'm so glad you have an appointment with mental health services and hopefully they will find a way through to Bilby and help her see her true worth. Can you include her dad in this so that he can see the impact that his lack of planning has had on her? Not to make him feel bad but so that he can ensure he is supporting her recovery too.

[LionsandBears]

This link may help:
http://www.kidshelp.com.au/grownups/...cs/suicide.php

[diannescruffy]

Many to you and your little girl.

Regards,
Dianne

[~Kim~]

Beyond Blue have a youth section with a 24hr support line too.

[~Gee_Whizzy~]

oh Gigi how heartbreaking for you i hope the appt helps set up a course of action for you both. as others have mentioned Kids Help Line or Beyond Blue might be a good place to start for between now and the appt

[Butterfly Dawn]

Its great you do so much craft etc with her.That will be helping her feel secure and safe with you and I would say thats why she feels comforatble telling you the things she does- shes not attention seeking just sharing. That shows what a great job you are doing!
I agree that her daddys lack of thought and planning would have a huge impact on what she was feeling yesterday. Is it often like that with him?

I hope today you both have a better day

[Gigi]

i don't do as much craft with her as i should, but i made extra effort for xmas. I have to push myself, do prep and practise first.

Bilby's dad has had planning block for as long as i can remember, it often impacts on other people, including bilby and me, even though we are spilt up. Nothing that is said at mediation, about the importance of routine (e.g eating and sleeping routines) has any effect on him, it's water off a duck's back. We have had numerous health professionals say the same thing, bilby's dad will either nod or say yes, but not do it in practice. He will make her wait for lunch until 2pm then wonder why she's ratty - she has very poor appetite, if you miss her "window", she refuses to eat at all. Sometimes even if you DO catch her window, she will eat very little. He puts her in front of tv/movies on a big projection screen, in spite of being told how detrimental that is, to her and her desire to eat.

everything in his life, apart from work, seems to be chaotic. He has no ability to see how it effects others, even if it is pointed out to him. I have done that, out of love, out of frustration, out of being in debt due to his inactions on tax returns, out of anger - nothing has any effect. He refuses to co=operate about his will, his insurance, his super etc, so if he got hit by a bus tomorrow, bilby would get nothing, in fact, i think it would send ME bankrupt, as there would be no-one else to pay for his funeral but me. ANything to do with acting responsibly - acts like an ostrich.

we are meant to be working co-operatively, so that bilby has both of us as parents and gets as much stability as possible, clearly, it's not working. The day before xmas, his first day off, he chose to drive all over town, hand delivering cheques, that COULD have been mailed, to people who won't be able to deposit them in banks for days, INSTEAD of getting ready for xmas with his little girl. i just mean, having BASIC foodstuffs in the home.

[Gigi]

i had no high expectations of xmas lunch, i didn't expect roast and trimmings etc, i just thought there would be at least enough food in the house for sandwiches, at least. I knew, the most important thing was, that bilby got to spend xmas how she wanted, with both parents present.

[Butterfly Dawn]

that's very frustrating. has he been checked for a disorder or depression? sounds like he could have something. His inability to do these simple life things are a worry.
I don't understand how a parent would have such disregard for a child's well being after being told by many.

I have a craft lover too so I know how much work it is and when my 3 all want to do different stuff it gets overwhelming lol.

She is lucky she has such a caring, giving mother

[*Efjay*]

Gah if it wasn't for Bilby wanting to spend time with her dad, I would be cutting all contact. He needs a slap to (or as BD has pointed out, some professional help) realise the impact he has on her.

I would go as far as talking to Bilby & telling her that he is sick, or some other wording to help her understand that it is NOT her. That he has some problems planning etc.

We have known each other online for as long as our little girls have been here. Gigi, you are an amazing person who despite your own personal challenges have overcome so much & are providing Bilby with everything you can. You are the poster child of good mothers.

I sure hope you are able to get the right help and answers. I hope that Bilbys dad is able to get some help too.

[Butterfly Dawn]

I was just thinking along similar lines.
I think I would explain to her a bit more about daddy and how he operates. explain it has nothing to do with her or how much he loves her, he just isn't capable of looking after a child or another person. it can be done in a way that's not biatchy just sharing things with her.
I am assuming this is part of the reason you aren't with him?

I would also write down the min standards and requirements he needs to meet to have her vist.
so he knows. its not hard to do a delivery order at the supermarket online (if you live in a city). he's gotta lift his game up.

[inlove]

Are you anywhere near the western suburbs of Melbourne I have two little girls, a five year old and a three year old and they would love to have a play date at a park if you are near us?

[Gigi]

thanks "in love", my DD would adore to play with yours, but we're in another state. DD "adopts" other people's little siblings, she would LOVE to be the Big Sister!

ex just picked up bilby, for the weekly "daddy night" where they have dinner together. I asked if he had been food shopping, and he hadn't! I pushed a carton of milk and a dozen eggs into his hands, he took off telling bilby, mummy is cross, yes, i did raise my voice, i coudln't believe i gave him all today to go buy some food and he still chose to do something else. reorganise half his home, in his words "looks like a bomb went off" - so there will be nowhere for bilby to sit and eat. ARGHHHHHH. He wanted to see her today and i said last night "have today to yourself, so you can get some stuff done e.g housework and food is what i was alluding to, as i thought, maybe he is exhausted from work and hadn't had any time to get basics done - so here is a day - to get basics done. THEN spend time with bilby.

i knew today would be dodgy for finding somewhere open, to buy food (which is why i thought people stocked up, on basics, half a week before a run of public holidays. He has a big big fridge, plenty of space to store foodstuffs. I am the one with a small fridge, can't buy the "cheaper if you buy two loaves" bread, cos i have nowhere to store the 2nd loaf.

[onthefly]

Oh wow Gigi, how upsetting that must be!
I think with something like this it might really be necessary to seek professional help

[*Twinkle*]

That's really quite larking Hun for a 6 year old to be saying these things let alone having a plan. What's her dad like? Mentally stable? I'd be questioning him and working together to find out what's going on. Most times kids have picked up on what one parent has said. Maybe he's said a few things to her in passing and she's flown with it thinking she's a burden to you both. It is especially alarming with him picking her up today and saying to her 'mummy's cross with me'. She's a kid and doesn't need to know these things, he should be promoting a positive relationship with you.what else is he saying to her? Separated or not you guys are still both her parents and need to be a united front with regard to your relationship. Good luck Hun, you sound like you are doing and saying all the right things.xo

[fionas]

Does he know she's saying these things?

Look, we're all amateurs here, but I would suspect that she's picking up on him saying similar things. You're obviously doing all you can to instill a strong sense of self-esteem in her, the only other thing I can think of is some activity that makes her feel she is useful to others whether that's gong to feed the ducks (the ducks need us to feed them to survive) or visits to an aged care home (you can't die, Mrs X needs us to go and have a chat with her) etc. etc.

DD1 had a phase where she talked about death a lot - didn't want me to die etc. etc. I know it's different, but I emphasised how neither she nor I were going to die any time soon because we were far too busy and talked about our future plans. That seemed to calm her down quite a lot and the phase has passed.

Huge hugs. I don't know where her dad has some sort of disorder or is just a lazy turd. Either way, not on to have a child on a custody visit and not have food in the house.

[*Efjay*]

The next time he turns up & tells you he has not done any shopping. Don't let him take her. Its not acceptable. Nothing has been signed & agreed to so you wont be breaching any visitation rules etc.

[Gigi]

i don't know how to disappoint her, she is all excited to see him, every wednesday night. He turns up, she is bursting out the door, i don't know how to say "no, you're not going now" when she's so gee-ed up. I felt like cancelling it all around 4pm, when ex and i spoke on phone and he sounds exhausted, i tried to say, you're sounding very tired, how about you see her tomorrow instead, and he vehemently denied being tired and said it would all be fine.

At that stage, after hearing about the "changing the back living area around", i knew that would take up the whole day, so the chance of him having gone food shopping was virtually zilch. bilby came in, listening to my phone conversation, so i felt locked into the existing plans. She is angry enough at me already, because i am stopping her living with daddy.