DF and i decided to stop TTC 2 months ago. we were worried about jobs, money, house - you know all that stuff.. i also felt scared that having a baby would change our relationship (i made a thread about it a few months ago)

i was happy with our decision to put TTC on hold for a few years. within the last month or so.... ALL i can think about is having a baby.... i stalk every single TTC / LTTTC thread, i stalk all the belly buddies groups, secretly wishing it was me... i don't know what the hell is going on with me lately

i'm still scared and worried about all those things (money, job, house etc) but how do i know when we're ready? should you just automatically know you're ready, without having all these fears? do these fears/concerns mean that we're not ready, or are ready? how can you really tell...

none of this is probably making sense, i'm just rattling off whatever is going on in my head, and i need to get this all out.

i still haven't shed a single tear from our m/c... i think it hurts too much to think about it so i keep blocking out. i would have been about 6 months now... wow

i was watching 1 of my favourite TV series the other week, and one of the girls had a m/c, DF just turned to me, touched my hand and said "we went through that... don't worry baby we'll get pregnant again.." probably the first time we have spoke about it since it happened.

i have finished my study, and get my certificate sent out soon. my job contract runs out Jan 30th, and it's very touch and go whether i will be re-contracted next year because we have new leadership and are re-evaluating everything, and it also comes down to if they can afford me.

i just don't know....

any words of advice are welcome