need help - horrible mistake

[Me+him+bub]

i havent read all the posts in this forum but would like to add my thoughts also. It could be either mans baby, and who is to say your hubby's sperm doesnt have issues and therefore the other mans got to the egg or vice versa, concieving is a very involved process, TRUST ME!

also ive been in a similar situation, my DF cheated on me 3 months into our relationship WITH a pregnant woman, she was too far along to say it was his but what is worse he gave me an std from it which caused alot of our fertility problems. He didnt want to tell me but if he hadnt and i found out once the disease had progressed to making me possibly sterile he would have taken more from me than my heart. The thing is these things come out in the end, i forgave him and he has become a new man it took almost 3 years but we are happy together and it does still haunt me sometimes but im glad he told me, if he hadnt and it came out years or months later i would have kicked him to the curb beause i would have felt betrayed everyday after it happened and he didnt tell me, not just after the one act. Also perhaps get tested for possible stds, they will with routine preg bloodwork anyway. I hope things work out and thati havent offended you but i thought a perspective of the otherside might help in your decisions.

[Lenny]

Hugs Kate,
I am pleased for you that you have come to a decision, I wish I could have offered you some support earlier. It sounds as though your GP was the right person to see. I hope you get referred for some counselling etc too. It must have been the hardest time in your life.

In reference to

i caused this and i just want to fix it myself

...it is not that cut and dried hunny - you remember that you can't take all the blame for yourself. Go easy on yourself.

[~clover~]

Good luck.
I hope your decision isn't too painful for you. I believe you are doing the right thing for you, but it will still be very hard on you.
Look after yourself.
xx

[Pretty Butterfly]

Oh sweets, good luck. And as you have so much love and care on here, you will also need it in real life too babe. Please find someone to help you through.

And I must second what was said. It will come up in your medical history to give you the best care when you do have a baby. So be careful with hubby around if he doesn't know hon.

Will be thinking of you... xoxoxo

[MakesThree]

Heya Kate, how are you going with it all?

[kate82]

im doing ok. booked in for a termination on wednesday, i know its horrible but i really cant wait for it to be over so i can move on! starting to get pregnancy symptoms and im trying really hard not to get attached! i just want wednesday to hurry up and i hope that everything goes ok

[grub17]

hi kate,
just been reading here. Never been in your situation so i won't offer you any opinions on the matter other than i can feel for you and we can all hear your pain and struggle through your posts. You can only do what's right for you and there is no need for apologies, explanations or excuses to anyone else.

but i noticed you'd said you just want to get it all over with. Just be aware there are some psychological issues that go with abortion and may i suggest you have a counsellor or a very trustworthy, non judgemental friend on stand by for support. I know you feel it will close this whole sorry saga, but i am just worried the trauma/stress of the cheating, pregnancy and then termination in the face of ttc will come back to haunt you.

so don't forget to look after yourself as well. and you don't deserve to wallow in guilt forever.

Be proud of yourself for handling the situation with a level head, seeking independent advice and making a sound decision.

take care and i know we are all thinking of you.
ox

[widdly]

I hope the termination goes as smoothly as possible for you and that you have someone to lean on who will not judge you, be that a friend or counsellor. This termination will stay with you forever even though you know its the best decision for you right now, so I really hope you organise some counselling for yourself.

GL ttc with your hubby too x

[didispunk]

I am thinking of you next week.. You have made a decision to do what is best for you and that is all that matters at the end of the day.

<HUGS>

[MakesThree]

Hope everything went smoothly and you're okay, hun

[~breeze~]

Hope all went smoothly yesterday for you

[New Dawn]

thinking of you

[Bea06]

Good luck to you Kate! I totally see where you're coming from and respect your decision and the fact that you've put yourself out there in this forum.

I also think it's worth while either reading everything you can get your hands on, or having some counselling about what led to the mistake of sleeping with someone else. I say that from a completely non-judgemental space -it happens to plenty of people! In my experience infidelity usually suggests that there is a deeper issue or something unresolved.

I hope you are feeling alright and have a clear space in which to think about the future and your next steps.

I've said it before, I'll say it again - Bellybelly is fantastic! What a great bunch of incredibly supportive women!

[MakesThree]

Hope you're okay Kate, x0x.

[Glamourcide]

Hope you're okay and everything went well for you, Kate.

[*becstar*]

Me too Hope all has/is going well for you.

[mummy2chloe]

just letting you know i am thinking of you xxx

[Visitor8]

Ok

First, DF and I DTD one night and the condom broke. I went into the chemist the next moring for morning after pill (and got grilled, yay) and anyway, took it within about 8 hours of it happening and I ended up Pg. So, the morning after pill isn't always 100% effective.

Personally, and I think I'm going to be in the minority here, I would keep the baby. Regardless of who's it is, it shouldn't have to suffer for a mistake it didn't make.
If you are that against telling your husband, then don't, and this other man should be cut out of your life if this is a mistake that you only intend on making once. At the end of the day people only tell their partners of their cheating to ease their own guilt and nothing good ever comes of it and it ends up hurting the people you truely love.

I really do feel sorry for you, it would be very stressful thing to deal and I think you are truely regretful but it is your mistake and you should have to wear it.

That is my two bobs worth, I'm sorry if I sound blunt but I just thought I would put another angel out there. And remember whatever choice you make will be the right one for you, so don't agonise about your decision after you have made it.

Good luck with everything! xx

I agree with this totally.

Personally, I would tell but that is me, however if I was YOU then I would do this.