First - Winter, I take my hat off to you hon. I am so so proud of you and everything you achieved with your run! You Go Girl!
I had PT today. I had to get off the treadmill at the 7 minute mark, my hip was killing me. I haven't been this bad for a while. D was concerned. We trialled some stuff in the weights area and I was struggling big time. D made the executive decision that I would only do upper body today which was fine. Except I couldn't make anything work for me today. It was frustrating for me. I confided in him that I am struggling at the moment with motivation, that I need achievable short term goals. He seemed receptive and even tried to help me think of some good goals. His idea is that I do the push ups, and lose a kilo in the same time frame. Not what I had in mind. I was thinking more like the push ups. And a 5 kilo loss in no time frame but small goals. But no, apparently not.
I saw my GP today to talk about not being able to sleep at night because of my hip. He kept saying to me "You know this is permanent right? This won't get better." Ahhhh yeah! I've SEEN the report and the images. I know this is permanent and not fixable. I have to learn to live with the pain and develop management of that pain. but that doesn't mean I SHOULD be in pain... right? Anyway, I told him the meds he previously prescribed are no longer helping at night so now he has suggested panadol osteo.
He also said my knees is likely to be my patella and I need to go back to physio. I'm relieved he thinks it is something sort term and fixable!
I also spoke to him about what another pregnancy would mean for my back. He said that it would be foolish to not expect some elevated discomfort but it is impossible to predict how much or when it would begin. He seems to think that the first trimester would be fine and it wouldn't be an issue until the placenta encroched into my abdominal space. He did say it wouldn't be a permanent elevation in pain - it should subside after I had the baby... but it is something I need to seriously consider before TTC. Living in a two storey home, how would I cope? I'd most likely end up in a wheel chair before the end of the pregnancy... I feel very conflicted about it all. But it has highlighted my need to lose this weight. It is so important for me. I need to do this - I need to get rid of my weight.
The GP did a blood run on me today. Testing for thyroid, random glucose, Full Blood Count, liver etc. I know my liver will come back elevated - it always does for some reason. It's the rest I'm getting myself worked up about. Is there a chemical or physiological reason as to why I can't lose weight? Is there something else wrong with me? I am hoping not but at the same time I kind of hope there is... does that make sense?
Enough waffling from me. I'm having another sore day so feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm sick of being sore, I'm missing my old life - the things I used to do. I can't help but wonder if having surgery would allow me to return to many of those things and eliminate my pain... but do I want to take the risks of the surgery? I feel like I'm missing out on so many things. It is stupid since I am otherwise healthy and have a wonderful family and friends; I can walk, I can go shopping, I can go to movies, I can play with my daughter most of the time... but I'm constantly reminded of my injury through pain. I can't remember the last time I slept the entire night through without waking with pain or in pain throughout the night. And let me just say, lack of sleep does not make for a very nice MG!
Bookmarks