As the parent of a biter, it's horrid. I used to cry when I'd walk in and see a *See Staff note next to my child's name. And if there was a similar message next to another child's name, I had a good idea who he'd bitten.

We tried so, so much. We ignored him and comforted the other person. We'd get him to help the other person. Time-out. No stars on his chart. Thing is, it's a really difficult concept, being good. You get rewarded if nothing happens.

What really frustrated me was not being told who he bit. That's when we learnt to look at the names of other kids for their incident report. We didn't have an incident report to fill in when he bit. We also actually had to ask, every day, did he bite anyone today? That's really weird, it's almost like they couldn't volunteer the bad behaviour to us. We started drawing a picture of a train next to his name - and if he bit or was naughty, it'd be erased and he'd not be allowed to play with trains that night. We learnt to say to him "you were a good boy today, look, your train is still there!" when it happened. Just telling him that he'd not be allowed to play with trains wasn't enough, there was no real consequence of his actions there.

We had weeks where we were collecting his friend from CC as well - I'd collect her, DH would collect DS. I'd sign the incident report where it said she was bitten, and they wouldn't tell me who bit her. DH would tell me he'd bitten someone, but not who. Go figure.

I was in tears as I heard other mothers comparing bites from my son on their children. A little girl changed CCC as a result of my son. That helped my depression, no end. And yet I'd never been told that he targetted that girl more than any other child. I asked the room coordinator to talk to the other mothers, as I thought that maybe play-dates would help. But they couldn't (wouldn't?) do that.

One thing that really helped was my son learning that "STOP IT, I DON'T LIKE IT" means just that. We had to learn to say that to him too - and he to us. So when the whole room was following that, with the "stop hand" sign, we had success. Ask your centre if they are teaching that to the kids.

And if you know the child who's biting her, reach out to her, try to come up with a solution together.

FWiW, I caught the train into town late last year, and chatted to one of the other mums most of the way in. She started the conversation with "You've had a rough year with his biting, haven't you". And we chatted about it. She comforted me. I couldn't stop apologising. But just to hear her acknowledge how difficult having a biting child is helps. And now her little boy & DS are the best of mates.
I wish this wasn't happening to you. I know (from the other side of the fence) how helpless you feel. And hope it ends soon.