Kaz - thanks for sharing that, and Lady Z as well. I have been feeling a bit mean for the way that my post may have come across, it was written on a day when we were fresh from an "incident", so touched a bit of a defensive nerve.
I do think it's important to acknowledge that it's difficult for both sides - there would be very few parents who wouldn't wouldn't be worried (and feel a little helpless) if their child was known as "the biter/hitter" etc, just as much as those who are the "Bitees" And as toddlers, they're not the most rational of creatures, plus they move like lightening.
I guess it's just the challenge of finding the best way through all of it for everyone - whilst I don't want to see bad behaviour being tacitly allowed because carers are unable to actively intervene, I certainly don't want to see kids ostracised for their behaviours. I've found some of the stuff that Ausgirl posted eye-opening, and makes me wish that there was a bit more common sense in the world. Also makes me think of the old saying "those who can, do, those who can't teach", which is so so wrong when applied to teachers, but maybe could be changed to "those who can't, go into admin bureaucracy, masquerading as political correctness..."
Sorry I didn't respond earlier, I have shared custody of my laptop at the moment.
After speaking to the daycare, we've been informed that they do tell the parents when the child bites and when she bites, they make her hold the icepack on the bitee so she sees the consequences of her actions. I don't know that seperating her from DD1 would help since she doesn't appear to be too picky about who she bites. My mother spoke to the main carer about the victim-blaming and aparently she didn't really understand the problem? She's a good carer but I've found that she's very set in her ideas, like she was making lots of little comments about DD1 having a dummy when really if i'm happy for her to have it then it's no one elses business. But the manager of the centre was far more empathic I hear. If the problem continues then I'll have to go in myself though aparently this girl has bitten other children on the face. If that happens to DD1 I'll be removing her from the centre immediately and never mind their 2 weeks notice policy!
We had a problem with DS getting bitten at day care.
I turned up to pick him up and he was COVERED in bites one of which was around the eye area, his eye socket was very bruised. He had many bites on his hands and arms which to me seems like he was probably trying to push the biter away.
Needless to say I was less than happy so I asked his carer what had happened, she said DS was bitten on the face then the hands/arms. I also asked why wasn't I called, this got no reply.
I left because if I didn't I was going to start screaming, anyway I called the centre when I got home and asked for a meeting to discuss what had happened.
My husband and I went along and it was a complete turn around, "oh we didn't see it happen" well thats a lie because the carer told us she saw it. Mind you the carer didn't say a word the whole meeting, the manager did the talking for her.
Anyway we basically wanted to know how is it he was bitten SO many times and on the face like that, were they not being supervised? We of course got no answers.
My child was left with no answers, no reassurance it would be prevented in the future, bruised and with a very nasty eye infection.
Personally I'm sick of hearing how hard it must be for the other parents, how hard would it have been for my child if he had lost an eye? All children have the right to be in care that is SAFE, if a child is making that unsafe something should be done about it straight away not after 10, 20, 30 incidents!
Now before I get flamed...DS had a problem in kinder/pre school and as soon as we heard about it we did things to change it, we changed what he ate, his sleeping, I talked to him every morning before school about what was the right way to treat his friends at school, etc. And you know what? We saw a MASSIVE improvement and turn around within a week!
There is a huge problem within Aus will bullying and physical violence in schools and it seems to me it starts early on when they are in day care because nothing is done about it. (not always the case, but I have seen it a lot, way too much)
If i was you I would be pulling my kid out if it happens again, it may be a pain but I wouldn't be waiting around for something more serious to happen.
toomanyshoes, it's always worthwhile to see the viewpoint of others.
At DS's nursery, we're told who has bitten whom. And as parents, we all feel VERY bad if our child has attacked someone else and apologise to the child and the mother. Nursery deals with it quickly and yes, when they told me then we sorted it out within a week: that's how it should be. BUT that doesn't mean that we should reserve sympathy only for bitten children. Parents of biters who actually care about their children feel pretty bad and work to overturn the problem. We shouldn't attack them too.
If the parent or the centre tries to blame the victim, then that is very wrong and needs to be dealt with. But a toddler acting out issues needs help, not denigration. And certainly not validation that their behaviour is going unchallenged. These children need more boundaries, not fewer.
All children have a right to be safe. That is why carers need to be watching what happens and intervening at the appropriate time - after the first attack or, ideally, before. NOT after 30 bites, not after the child has attacked three children... right away. If that isn't happening there is a dereliction of care.
If my child had been attacked as yours was, I'd be getting answers or reporting the care centre to the relevent body. Because letting children do that is very wrong, either through poor supervision or lack of action.
Lady Zaidie I never said we should only be feeling sorry for the bitten children...
But i honestly believe if a child is being bitten again and again and again (which is what the OP was talking about...) then more than "there, there, it will be ok" needs to be done.
at the end of the day, you care about your child and did something about it but there are plenty of parents who couldn't care less and they tend to be the repeat offenders. If the parents are working with the centre to fix it great! but if the parents don't, the child should be removed from care for the safety of the other kids.. If the child has a history of the behaviour and no one is working on a solution then why does everyone else have to wait around and 'see what happens'?
I just wanted to share my experience on this topic. My DD was in a child care centre where there was a child who was a repeat offender at bitting. He didnt' bite my child that often but she witnessed it. He would also hit, throw things etc. She would often come home and tell me that he had bit, hit, etc one of the children. I also noted a general level of aggression with some of the other children at the centre. After 6 months of my child being in care and not settling in care I pulled her out and put her in a new centre.
She is a different girl now. The improvement was dramatic and only took a couple of weeks. On any occasions where other kids were around she used to cling to me. Now she has faith that other kids can be fun and nice and will happily go off and sit with the kids at library or at playgroup. She wants to go to child care and says they are nice kids.
Do what is best for your child. Bullying had a huge impact on my daughter and the best thing I did was take her to a new centre with a much stricter policy on aggression. IMO 2 year olds do not need to be subjected to bullying.
Toomanyshoes, you should definatly report the centre. At the very least they should have contacted you as soon as the event had happend. I can't imagine how distressing that must have been for you to pick up your child and find them in that state.
toomanyshoes, that's just horrendous. If I'd found DD in that state at daycare I think I would've started biting the carers! I'd report them for sure as LadyZadee suggested.
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