toomanyshoes, it's always worthwhile to see the viewpoint of others.

At DS's nursery, we're told who has bitten whom. And as parents, we all feel VERY bad if our child has attacked someone else and apologise to the child and the mother. Nursery deals with it quickly and yes, when they told me then we sorted it out within a week: that's how it should be. BUT that doesn't mean that we should reserve sympathy only for bitten children. Parents of biters who actually care about their children feel pretty bad and work to overturn the problem. We shouldn't attack them too.

If the parent or the centre tries to blame the victim, then that is very wrong and needs to be dealt with. But a toddler acting out issues needs help, not denigration. And certainly not validation that their behaviour is going unchallenged. These children need more boundaries, not fewer.

All children have a right to be safe. That is why carers need to be watching what happens and intervening at the appropriate time - after the first attack or, ideally, before. NOT after 30 bites, not after the child has attacked three children... right away. If that isn't happening there is a dereliction of care.

If my child had been attacked as yours was, I'd be getting answers or reporting the care centre to the relevent body. Because letting children do that is very wrong, either through poor supervision or lack of action.