Great thread Bath - Great signature idea Mayaness..

Well, I too have used NLP for a long time - I also have studied Buddhist philosophy both are very into self responsibility.

The Earth is full of folk fighting to be heard, to be seen as right, to be the authority. I have learnt that when I am offended it's my ego. That's all it is. It is me thinking I am right and fighting hammer and tong to be seen as right. When I can say: "okay I hear we feel differently"... What is there to fight with? Zilcho! AND it's so "right"... I cannot even assume 50% of the time to feel the same as another. For my eyes have the screens of my 41+ years of personal experience - and yours have your years of experience.

I believe we create our own pain when we are "offended" by another person. Instead of saying to myself (or outloud!) "what you just said hurt and offended me" - I try to stop for a minute and say: "I heard you say I was wrong"... What the hell does it matter if person A thinks I am wrong, a dimwit or an outrage!??? It matters none. For I can never control anothers thoughts of me. I can only live my life kindly and openly. It is simply exhausting taking responsibility for another persons reactions! It's also fruitless! If I am offended by a term I ask myself "what is it in me"... It is ALWAYS about me. It triggers me in some way and the reaction I have is offense, hurt, anger. Always.

However by not writing "stories" in my mind about why a person responds the way they do I have no pain!

Of course, always living with kindness, respect and humility is the first law. The second is to not believe I can change anothers thinking!

I teach my kids this - & they are pretty good at it. Of course like me they are still learning - we are always learning. Sometimes I find myself in "offense land" and try to convince myself it's all about someone else... Then I meditate on it and it's always about me!

I think we have to learn to observe life more. Watch it. Watch what's happening. When Jack says this it makes me feel angry... Crap! When Jack says this it triggers me and I respond with inappropriate defense!

Really we need to stop blaming our partners, our parents, society, the Prime Minister, God - we need to come home to ourselves - not with harshness but with awareness. We are fragile little Beings and we have been taught that what we feel is anothers fault. However, how we feel is our choice (I believe!)