Being Responsible for Our Feelings

[Jennifer13]

I will limit my input to how we teach our children what we feel is the right way to resolve conflict, etc.

I have only two really definitive thoughts in this regard:
1. Mostly, I will be teaching her how to deal with things that ruffle your feathers by my own actions. For eg, I got upset at the library lady the other day for not being very understanding and walked out in a huff with an abrupt comment. I calmed down, walked back in (with DD), apologised to the lady and we came to a solution/compromise. And I thanked them when we next went back (no, I didn't avoid the library in shame!). We all have bad days, I was trying to teach her I was responsible for both my feelings and owning my actions when I crossed the line. If someone else does something I don't like, then I tell DD why it isn't nice/isn't good manners/is hurtful.

2. I think the best way to learn is to let her resolve conflict or handle her own feelings and those of others is to let her do it herself. Sure, I talk to her about her feelings and how others feel, etc, but if I intervene whenever things get slightly hostile/uncomfortable/conflicting, then all she knows is that someone will step in for her. Which they often won't. So unless there is a physicality involved that is inappropriate (someone is going to get hurt), I sit back and watch her. It's amazing how capable she is of handling herself and others when given the chance. More times than not she will actually calm herself and the other child and find a compromise that actually works as much in the other child's favour (sometimes entirely) as her own. I believe that brings her a level of self esteem too.

She's three, she can speak and think to a certain level and I like to encourage her to develop her emotional skills by practising them.