Wysiwyg: I've been thinking more about your comment:-

"I see her as actually asking if you are with someone and you get to the point of deciding whether to have kids or not if your partner wasn't prepared to take on the primary caregiver role (who knows what career they might have) and you were a lawyer - could it actually be managed? Would it actually be likely to lead to a joint decision not to have kids."

And I guess I never had to think about that - but yeah, if I had met my future partner later, in my 20s or 30s I guess the conversation could have been quite different.

Maybe she was more interested in the process of the discussion that lead to our outcome? Or what our decision would have been if DH and I had both wanted to work ...