I mentioned to DH this morning that I'm not sure if I really want to go for #3 anymore.. and he said to me that he had been thinking the same thing lately as well.
So if you were originally going to go for #3.. and always planned to - what put you off it?
OR
If you were only planning 2.. what made you go for #3?
I think I'm just one of those people that don't really like the newborn stage - its all scary and they are cute and everything, but, I dunno.. the thought of going back there now that Miss M is 6 months and in a good routine - scares me to DEATH!!! lol PLUS.. DS was a shocking newborn, shocking baby, and now shocking toddler!!! Miss M (even with silent reflux) is so laid back you could almost forget she exists!!!!! Hardly any trouble whatsoever... which scares me to think that I might get another child from hell if I go again!
So I'm not really sure what to do
We want our children to be close together - which is why the subject came up (well actually I was sorting through all the kids clothes and boxing up the ones that don't fit anymore, or aren't being used at the moment).
we want 4 but have stopped at 2 for a few(maybe even 5 or so) yrs
there is 22 months between ds and dd. we have (asa family) struggled with haveing them and the whole parenting game.
ds was our "easy child" so thats probably why we went again so quickly.. but it doesnt suit us atm(obviously nothing we can do about it now) so we have decided to wait a while before trying for #3 and then we will decide about #4 later.
If i could give birth to a 6 month old i would consider it. lol
Mostly our decision though is financial - so that we can continue to live in our means the lifestyle we like. To be able to allow me to stay at home and only work part time until the kids are at school.
We decided we are just more comfortable having one each to hold (and we are both from families of 3 children).
Originally we said 4 but after having 2 i know that we have finished our family
i desperately wanted a third and straight after 2 girls was read to try again. DH was dead against the idea. We got passed the baby stage and the girls grew up so lovely (of course ) but DH was always "happy with the two healthy ones we've got". 6 yrs later he realizes I always wanted a boy and he was the one who robbed me of the chance. So he says "ok, lets go for it then" so there will be an 8 yr gap between 2 and 3.I was so sure he would never want another that i had convinced myself i just had to be ok with 2 as well.
anyway. nothing like your situation, but wanted to put it in just to let you know that feelings may change down the track... you just dont know.
DH and I always said that in a perfect world, provided financial and emotional resources are sufficient, we would have 4. But we agreed on 3.
DS was a terrible sleeper and still winds up in bed with us nearly every night. I was really starting to think 2 would be my limit. But DD is such a sweetheart that we are now saying 4 again and we aren't bothering to take any precautions...I am ready for number 3 anytime and DD is only 3 months old.
Here's a way of looking at it - I believe the general advice is that the youngest child should be at least 12 months old before a decision is made on vasectomy/tubal ligation. Why don't you defer any definite decision on #3 till your DD is 12 months and then see how you feel? You're only just now coming out of the newborn mayhem - of course you won't be feeling inclined to upset the applecart right now, not when things are just starting to become more settled.
Your DS and DD are very close together and it must have been really hard work in those early days.
DH and I wanted our kids closer together but it just didn't happen that way and in the end we think having 2 years between them has worked very well for DS, much better than 18 months would have. I have friends with kids only 18 months apart and I do think the extra 6 months I had up my sleeve has made a huge difference to our experience. You may decide to have #3 but just with a bigger gap this time.
Then we had DD and I was lying in the birth suite with her in my arms and I looked at him and told him I was ready to go again We were blessed with a baby who was calm and easygoing from day one which also helped with the decision to have more.
Took me six months to bring him around, we got pregnant but unfortunately had a miscarriage. Due to other things going on we waited another six months and then got pregnant again.
DS didn't sleep for 18 months. We went through hell. We both swore we were done and would never tempt fate again.
DS is now 2.5, sleeping through the night for some months now. And I'm clucky. DH says NO WAY.
We'll see
I think it's an ongoing negotiation and as someone else said feelings can change from month to month, year to year. You don't have to make a decision now.
We were happy and settled at 2 - had one of each, financially coming together for the first time. I think we both had what we needed with 2 kids and didn't feel the NEED for another one. Obviously Georgia had other ideas and now i'm so glad she came along but i'd be lying if I said life wasn't a lot harder with three!!
In the ideal world who knows how many i'd have but realisticly once i have this one i really don't see us going back for anymore. DH is one of five and i am one of two, very different family situations but are both quite content with the thought of just two of our own. Right throughout this pregnancy i have said this is it.
Major factors are financial (but i hate that that even comes into it)
I don't want my DH and myself to have to work flat out for years to be able to put them all through, school, highschool, uni, cars, weddings things like that.
I want to be able to work part time while they are babies and go back to full time when they are school age, not before.
I'd love for us to be able to relax a bit at a 'fairly youngish age'.
Our house would not suit anymore than 4 people and i'm really quite content here.
The car is the same situation.
DS was a beautiful baby once we established a routine and knew what we were doing as parents. As much as he is at that challenging stage now he is still really great. I am a bit uncertain about this one but hopefully if i put in the hard yards again with this one it''ll be just as good. I may be in dream land but we'll soon find out.
I have a child, I'd like one more, with my DF. Perhaps 3 in total, but for now, two is more financially practical. I am waiting a few more months to try and convince him. He is adamant he is not ready yet. I sure hope in a few months he changes his mind.
When DH and I first talked about children we both agreed that 3 would be a great number (we both came from families with 3 children) but since we found out (and keep finding more) about DD's health problems we have decided to stop at 2. We're both not 100% happy about that but we feel it's only fair to her and DS since we can give them both now the attention they need but if we had another baby all three would miss out.
It's also better for us financially, especially now as we have been personally affected by the financial crisis.
We have decided not to go for #3 and for these reasons....
1. I had 2 very difficult pregnancies
2. I had fertility issues so am pretty sure it would be very hard to conceive again
3. Financially we are much more stable and can provide a very comforable life for our 2 girls
Well, in my head if we were going to have children, we'd have a heap of them. Then we had DD1, and it was pretty traumatic, still is. We still had DD2 despite our fears and she's been lovely. BUT since she turned 20 months, we decided that we were finished. Its lovely to be finished... to be over the first 12 months.
We always said we would have 2 so we can afford to keep our lifestyle and give the children the opportunity, financially, to do whatever they want when it comes to school and other activities. we had discussed that I would have my tubes tied when I had baby #2 as I will be having a ceaser..
But now the time has come that we are going to ob and this is the time we need to discuss with him if I were to have the procedure, we can't go through with it. Although it is unlikely we will have more children unless our finances change, we don't want a procedure to make that decision for us. We have decided that one of us will get the snip when I am 35 whether or not we have more children.
It may seem selfish to others that I don't want more children after 35, and that we want to keep our lifestyle, but we will be happy with our decision that we make together. Also even if we don't plan another child, we will not be disappointed or resentful if one (or more) happen to come along.
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What made you decide NOT to go for #3?
We were blessed with a baby who was calm and easygoing from day one which also helped with the decision to have more.
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