It sounds like you have a different outlook on WHY DD does certain things. One is waking up in the night - you think it's because she's scared and he thinks it's because she's manipulating you.

We were at the park today and DD screamed for 15 minutes when it was time to get off the swing. Now I see that as DD being very determined - I'm sure other people would see DD as being 'bad' or 'spoilt'. Luckily, DP thinks the same way I do - it would be extremely difficult if he didn't and wanted to smack her, for example. Instead, we just roll our eyes, laugh and tell the other aghast parents, "yeah, she hasn't cottoned on to the concept of sharing yet."

So I think you have two options.

1. Handle all the nightwakings yourself as well as dealing with the other issues (and I'm guessing maybe they're tantrums etc) your way and taking on the bulk of the parenting yourself. Or

2. Try to persuade him around to your feelings on WHY DD behaves in a certain way - which I'm sure is totally normal you just have different perspectives. Maybe get him a book to read about the stuff that resonates for you.

And yeah, it's easy to think that when parents plan babies they also talk about how that child will be parented but I don't think many people talk about it that much. We all make it up as we go along and we're never really sure how we'll parent until it actually happens.

Good luck - I hope the two of you can talk about it more together and find some common ground.