I will add that in the middle of the night, DH sees DS as being mean to us or that he has to grow out of wanting us there... in the morning he'll cuddle up with DS and ask him "What was wrong last night? How can we make it better?" - he acknowledges that it's not manipulation and that DS has a problem with something. Being up all night isn't the best time to show that side, not for DH anyway. I rarely lose my rag in the night wakings, but instead getting up or going to bed; DH can't understand that. But I'm meant to understand him at 3am, of course.

As for consistency - DS has learnt that "no, darling" means "keep on doing it and I'll remove you and distract you" whereas "Liebling, no. I mean it. NO!" means stop it or Mammy will explode. After a 2-minute cry (won't say from whom) DS wanders off and plays, letting me be a maniac getting three people ready for the day in a half-hour.