All I can suggest is ask him to schedule a time with you to talk. Make a list so you can discuss it without getting too emotional. Tell him that you are scared that it may have a detrimental affect on your relationship if you don't get it sorted out.

If he balks, ask why. If he loves DD so much, why would he not want to ease the conflict caused by the different styles?

Definitely acknowledge he is a good dad but stress that the BOTH of you need to refine your parenting techniques so you can get consistency for DD. After all, consistency will make her behaviour easier to handle (hopefully) as SHE will then know what to expect.