Hi Lime,

I completley understand where you are coming from. We are in the exact same situation here. I'm trying to look at it as just one of those issues that come up and require some kind of compromise, one way or another.

My dh has softened his stance on crying as ds has gotten older and I've bombarded with facts, theories and ds's emotional perspective on him. We've reached a point where we do have some understanding of each other and what is acceptable to each other, and to ds. Sometimes I still have pull dh up and go'How could do that?' But I try to remember that a lot of that stems from his mum raised him, and that sometimes I just have to step in a nd remind him of the softer, gentler, more emotional side of it.

There are still some things we do differently, and that does worry me a bit in terms of consistency with ds. But soemthing that made me feel better was the view of consistency presented in Sarah Buckley's Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering book- she basically says that total consistency is not always possible, especially in different situations and with different carers, and that is ok- we should gives kids enough credit to realise that they are capable of understanding that different rules apply at different times, or with different people.

A bit of a ramble But I hope it helps a little.