Unfortunately, Tan, you'll never be able to find what you're looking for in most other people. I sincerely hope that you have that kind of support from your DH and others who love you, but as for many things, most outsiders do not understand you and come to their advice-giving with their own experiences and prejudices.

I hope you know that probably none of them (I hope!) meant to cause you pain or harm with their words and were only trying to do what they thought would be helpful. It's a dilemna we face when dealing with people every day, is what we are saying helpful or not? Try to picture the motivation behind encouraging you and use your experience, as you say, to perhaps not jump to any easy answer or conclusion about someone else's position.