Hi, single lesbian who can't stop thinking about babies!!

[nickel]

Shades! That's such a difficult place to be in! I'm not a single mum so I can only comment on what the single mums I know go through. But I do have aaah, "mental issues", and depending on what they are, they can sometimes help you be an even better mum! I'd have a chat with your caregiver (GP, psychiatrist or whatever) about that side of things.

I don't think having a baby should ever be just a financial decision, but we are living in the real world so you do need to take it into account. You do get the baby bonus but that only goes so far and doesn't cover you forever. I know you are with your mum, but do you independant way of supporting yourself? Could you live of the Government payouts alone? (maybe try living this way for a couple of weeks ot see what it's like) Remember you are very young (you are!!) and you have a lot of time to work through your issues (mental, financial etc)

I don't know if it would help your baby urges which can be so strong they drive you nuts! But maybe try focussing on your nephew or volunteering to help out others with babies, just to get out some of that maternal need? It's very hard, when you look around everyone in the world seems to have babies except you!! Whatever you decide, good luck on your journey!

[krisp]

With regards to the financial issues - my theory is you will never have enough money to get married, never have enough money to buy a house and never have enough money to start a family. If you believe in your heart that you are ready to be a Mum then start investigating your options. Good luck, I hope your dream becomes reality for you very soon.

[Shades]

Thanks guys... I've got a GP app. in June so I was planning to discuss some stuff then - thing is I've just moved up from Melbourne so it's my first app. with her, lots of stuff to sort out and she doesn't know me from Adam so it doesn't quite seem fair to ask her opinion just yet about how fit I am to be a mum!

I get lots of contact with babies every time I pick Riley up from school (they jokingly call this Conception Bay!) because we wait around for the kids and most of his classmates have baby siblings who come with mum to pick them - so I get to Ooh and Aah and cuddle them, but it's not enough!

I used to live off what I get on Newstart, it's doable as long as I'm sharing rent with someone else. My mum's promised me though that I don't ever have to move out if I don't want to, she knows it's hard 'cause of being sick.

I just don't know if I can reconcile my desire with my guilt, I keep thinking I'm just being selfish...

[smiles4u]

I just wanted to make a point in saying 'Government Handouts' as mentioned by a previous members comment are not there to support people purely because they want a baby

... I worked & paid my taxes for over 20years before I had my 1st baby at 40 ... I too had many baby desires for many years BUT could NEVER ever end up being one of ' those ' that is happy to suck money out of the hard working tax payer (not all tax payer are rich$, a lot of us struggle too !!!)

My DP earns an above average income (I am home full-time with my daughter now) & after all these years of working & paying taxes I can't even get a Concession card to get cheap fare on a bus.

I take the local bus sometimes & pay full fare, & it gets my blood boiling when I see so many young Mother's usually with more than one child pay concession. They are so young, it would be lucky if they have worked for 5yrs of their life, if any at all

... SHADEY I so hope you have some sort of finance$$ coming in of ' your own ' to support this baby ?? If you are working at all do you realise the cost of childcare if you have no one you personally know to look after your child for free whilst you work.

ALL THE VERY BEST IN YOUR DECISION, ... AND YOU WILL HAVE THAT BUBBA ONE DAY WHETHER IT BE SOONER OR LATER

[Shades]

Thanks for your honesty Smiles, I can see where you're coming from with the whole sucking the money out of taxpayers - I've been on government support for more than a couple of years now and feel really guilty about it - but I'm told by family and also by Centrelink staff that I shouldn't - it's not my fault that I am sick and generally unable to work. I'd also have my mum to help with the days that I struggled to look after bub AND me...

That's honestly a big part of the guilt and selfishness issues that I've been stuck on with this whole thing.... So you think that the fact that I'm on support because of being unable to work should mean that I shouldn't be considering having a child?

(I'm seriously not trying to sound facetious or combative here - not sure how to put it exactly though - I am genuinely interested in your thoughts on this - I just sometimes come across wrong)

[nickel]

Shades, I think you need to work through any guilt issues you have with your care giver, but PERSONALLY I don't think you should feel guilty about it. Plenty of financially well off people have babies and make TERRIBLE parents so it's not really about that. It does make life harder not to have money but you sound like you know that! One question, would you be able to be in any better financial position of you delayed having a baby? or would it not really make that much difference? Do you feel guitly that you can't provide financially for your baby, or that society would judge you as sucking the system dry? In which case, give society the bird, and take what's available to help you live your life as best you can.

I have to agree with Krisp - you never have "enough" money to do anything in our society.

[smiles4u]

Oh, NICKEL that was a little unfair on your behalf verbally attacking me that way

Do you understand that the single parents pension is there for those that can't get employment at their time/situation of need until they do get employment, NOT for those who chose for it to be an option of living & being financially$$ supported by others.

OMG, could you imagine the massive financial strain on this country if ' every single woman in this country ' that's wants a child & does so & chooses to go on the pension ...

... AND could you imagine if every single woman that ' doesn't ' have a child decides to STOP working therefore STOPS paying taxes which HELPS towards these woman having their child & choosing to be supported on a pension

I can only hope that my daughter when she becomes an adult & if she chooses or wants to have her own child, doesn't EXPECT every other person pay$$ for THAT child's unbringing.

I would imagine that women that think this way have been encourage with that way of thinking because they themselves had Mother's ' do the same' & have/had others financially support the unbringing of their child.

I won't be here again on this topic,
... oh, it makes me far too upset for those that are out there working their hearts out to pay$$ for their 'own child's' unbringing & paying towards some strangers child's financial support on the pension