Hi, single lesbian who can't stop thinking about babies!!

[Indadhanu]

Hi Shades,

I haven't really read many of the posts, as I wanted to reply to you and not get into an argument!

I can't really help with you health concerns. I have had my share of serious mental illness which I am thankfully completely recovered from, but I do understand your concerns about being a good mum (still suffer from depression). I believe if you have talked about getting pregnant with your psychiatrist and psychologist, and you have their support then I would let go of some of that worry. It's extremely important IMO that you do have their support throughout the whole process, as it is stressful and the moods hormones you go through when TTC and when you are pregnant can rattle even the most mentally stable person! And if you don't get pregnant the first time, having negative results can be really painful and disappointing, and it can get to the point where you blame yourself. And being single and doing this alone would add more stress on top of that I would imagine, not having a partner to share the stress.

As for the financial situation, well money isn't everything, but in saying that you can't live without it. My first question to you would be, how do you plan on getting pregnant? If you choose to use a donor there is considerable costs with that, and unless you have a diagnosed fertility issue you aren't covered by Medicare so those costs can come to in excess of $1000 a cycle. If you use a known donor you don't have those costs if you DIY but you will have lawyers costs drawing up contracts and protecting yourself legally. I'm certainly not trying to scare you or tell you you shouldn't get pregnant, just being realistic. The costs start well before conception! Then there is making sure you have what you need before the baby arrives (which can of course be done cheaply) and that you can support yourself and a baby and pay all your bills. It can be done when you are receiving Centrelink. Not easily of course, as you'd know these payments barely cover the essentials, but it can be done.

I think the most important thing here though, is the fact that you're living with your mum. We'd all like to think our family will support us through whatever because they are supposed to love us unconditionally but have you talked to her about this? Does she support your plan to have a baby while single and living under her roof? Will she help support you, emotionally? Is she accepting? Does she know you are a lesbian? You've probably thought of all this, but from someone who has been let down by family I want you to know that with the emotional and physical stress of TTC and being pregnant, and unsupportive family can make it a hundred times worse. And you don't want to face the situation of not having your mum support you, and possibly even ask you to move out when you are really relying on her support.

Anyway, now I feel like a doom and gloom master! I don't want you to think I am trying to talk you out of it, or tell you that you haven't thought about these things. Theres just a lot that really doesn't get thought about, and if you don't think about it it would be pretty stressful realising them at the last minute.

P.S. Have added you on MSN so we can chat if you like Say hello if you see me on!