Can I bag out other sites??

[BellyBelly]

The problem is sites like that (and the government's parenting site is also bad for this) but they are big corporate/governent sites which reek of 'quality/recommendation' (iykwim) are advocating one way to do things to fix certain problems. No-one here is bagging anyone's choices and why should it matter to me - I don't have to live with your kids - you do. So you need to do what's right. It just makes me cross that naive people looking for desperate help are going to read that one way and think there are no other options if it doesn't work. Like Pinky has found, she works with mothers who think their babies doesn't love them anymore as the babies don't give eye contact back. One mother distressed that her child went as far to stop seeking her for comfort and went to their sibling instead... so there is much proof/evidence - the people picking up the pieces see it every day. And thats not to say this will happen for everyone but this is what happens when advice goes bad.

And it's interesting because you only need to read past threads like the car seat debate in which some people posting in this very thread have done a similar thing of saying, 'Oh I wouldn't do that/you shouldn't do that.' Just because it relates to a parenting method why should we not be able to say we wouldn't do it? You can always ignore the thread, apparently the ignore thread button has disappeared with the recent upgrade but I will put it back so people can not feel attacked (which I do not think has happened in here). Certainly no-one has actually reported any posts anyway. I'd hope we can all be grown ups and have a grown up convo anyway without this turning into a huge debate. So what if people don't do what you do - as they always say, take it with a grain of salt and do what works for you.

[paradise lost]

Kelly that proof you just cited is anecdotal but from a different point of view and is no more scientific than anything else.

The initial site this was about DID NOT SAY NO EYE CONTACT. It said that reducing eye contact during wakeful periods at night could help a child to get off to sleep by preventing them getting over stimulated. There IS scientific evidence to back this up, just as there is scientific evidence to show that NEVER giving eye contact causes disassociative disorders and attachment issues in children.

I kind of agree with the point that the other sites are only offering one way, but then so is BB; you offer an alternative way. They are as much an alternative to you as you are to them. And yes, it sucks that that naive people will go to either place and think the way they find there is the only way, but there is a shortage of places which offer advice on ALL the ways, and i suppose ultimately parenting is a learning curve and people will pay for their naivety and learn from it.

Lots of people say "i wish i'd known..." about parenting choices, but just as many, when you tell them something that doesn't fit in with the way they think is "right" don't want to hear it. If the authors of the Science of Parenting wrote a new book tomorrow about how actually they were wrong and smacking IS good for kids and the WHO retracted the statements about BFing and said FFing was as good or better those of us who choose to BF and not smack probably wouldn't change our ways. It's nice to find some "evidence" to back up what we are choosing to do anyway, but anyone can do that. Want to AP and BF - the WHO and Dr Sears will back you up. Want to beat your kids with plumbing hose - the Pearls and the NoGreaterJoy website will tell you why it's great and how it works. Lots of doctors have written lots of books and lots of "natural" 3rd world mothers with wildly varying parenting habits haven't read any of them. The right way is the way that feels right to the individual family.

[BellyBelly]

The right way is the way that feels right to the individual family.

Thats what we're all saying here. We all agree.

[maz]

I am in agreeance with everyone - its what feels right for you and your baby. I never stated what was right or wrong, just what I feel im in agreeance. no one has the right to say if your wrong or right...its personal choice.

As I said in my past post...I had tears from reading everyones posts...its amazing in my eyes to see what works for one doesnt work for the other.

It what makes us all completely different and unique.

The place would a very boring world if we were all in agreeance. We should except that others have different points of view and listen with our ears and block out our own thoughts for a second to what others are saying aswell before jumping up and let everyone know what we think.

We might actaully learn a little if we did so, even if it was just an insight into what the person believes in.