It's hard when others comment on how your children are, isn't it. It makes you doubt yourself as a parent. I had a 'friend' tell me the other day that she thought Nina was an evil child from something Nina did. As you can imagine, I was a blubbering mess that night telling DH about it.
All we can do, is do our best. It sounds like some of the suggestions are working with you, which is fantastic. Like I said im my earlier post, it does get easier as they get older and are able to communicate easier.