My son went through this stage just like you describe. The cuddle/no cuddle really upset me too. In the end I decided he was learning about the finality of decisions in that often in life, once we choose one option, the others are no longer available and there can be a kind of grief for what is not chosen.

With the tantrums over cuddles/no cuddles I found they were over faster if I offered a cuddle and then sat nearby - available for when he calmed down but not talking or pushing him. He used to do this thing where he'd want me in the room (at bedtime) then tell me to go away, then get incredibly distressed when I left the room. I think the distress behind the tantrums is real for them, even when we don't get it or its a trivial (to us) issue. I found it helped my head space to forget the issue and just respond to his distress as genuine. The come-here-go-away routine didn't last all that long and I suspect once he worked out I wasn't going to leave him alone with his feelings he stopped needing to test me.

HTH. Remember, this too shall pass x