Rosehip Fairy, I don't think giving children chores or deciding to buy a winter coat for yourself before buying your child yet another computer game is a case where your happiness comes before your child's. When it comes to buying things for my child, I absolutely love doing it. I love seeing the joy on her face. Yet, I KNOW she will NEED to learn that we can't have everything all the time. Same goes for chores. She will NEED to learn that we all have to chip in together, we're a team, I'm not her slave.
Being a martyr is not good for anyone. But we have to seriously wonder what is happening when people see their children as a burden that stop them from living their lives the way they would like to.

I don't think it is a bad thing to leave your child with it's father. It facilitates bonding between the two while giving the mother a break at the same time. I also don't think it's a bad thing to leave the child with other family members from time to time. I personally didn't feel right to leave her with someone else for more than 2-3 hours in the early months. Once she was about 8 months, I left her with her grandparents for half a day a week, a few months later, we stepped it up to about 8 hours as I needed to work in my business. I would have much preferred to stay with her. Or only leave her for 1/2 a day. But ths is what was necessary. Didn't make me happy, although DD seemed happy as she loves her grandparents. And hey, they were happy they had time with her.

Hoobley,
To re-visit a few examples on the thread (probably misremembering and getting it wrong...). The woman who had a traumatic birth and didn't get BFing established then going on to have an elective section and FF from birth next time. Happy mum? WHere? I don't see a happy mum. I see a woman so traumatised by her first month at motherhood that she has decided to embrace the failure she feels herself to be rather than attempt to re-connect with the mother she WANTED to be. Do i feel for her? Yes. Do i blame her for her response? Not at all. In this society it's hard to talk to people about birth and the overall trend of "Your baby is healthy so stop moaning" means many women remain traumatised for years after their babies are born. But do i really believe she is happy or that her chosen path for #2 will make her happy? Nope.
You have put in words exactly what I was trying to say.

You have made another point about women leaving their children with virtual strangers...
I think this is a sagin of a big problem in our society: mother's often don't have a support network. Mothers need support. Be it physical or emotional. We often live far away from our families, communities are not as closely knit as they used to be. My parents also live on the other side of the world. And how I wish they were closer. However, I am lucky I have my inlaws closeby (although they do drive me insane). If I can leave DD with my in-laws, I don't have a problem going out every once in a while. Although we don't do that very often. TBH, I find DH and I can connect much better at home, sitting on the couch or patio talking, then sitting in a restaurant. Maybe we are boring, but that's jsut the way we are. Going out to me is about being with other people, with friends. And we do that once in a while. But it has never been about the 2 of us connecting.

We haven't done it for a while, but we used to have a family morning every Sunday, we would take DD out of the house, have breakfast somewhere, take her to the beach or playground or something like that. I found that mcuh more valuable for us. She'd have fun, we could both rejoice in her joy, and then, at home, once she was down for a sleep, we had time to talk about her or anything we felt like talking about.

Oh, and about you failing at BFing. I don't see you as a failure at all. You fed her for more than 6 months. So you were a success at BFing for 6 months. After that, yes, maybe you can say you failed. But really it was beyond your control. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, but I wouldn't say it was a happy mum = happy baby situation. It sounds more like healthy mum = happy baby. And you put her need to have a relationship with her dad before your wish to avoid FF.

Oh, and I totally agree, I have never seen being a SAHM (well, mostly anyway) is a sacrifice, either. I wouldn't want it any other way. I love my job, especially since it;s my own business. But I cannot imagine any job being more fulfilling than being around my child.

Ok, enough rambling.... you must be sick of me by now.

Saša