All very interesting!

My conclusion is that no matter which way you put those 4 words, it's all just self-serving bullsh.. to try and make you feel better for the choices you make...They are just fluffy buzz words for what we have to believe to *survive* raising our children at times.
Like Liz, I agree.

Funny thing is that people (ie: me!) don't seem to need to use the mantra when they actually, deeply believe that what they are doing (be it CC, working, not BF, whatever) is right for their family. If you do that then there is no guilt - so no deed to justify yourself?

To illustrate - I work full time. I did while Flynn was little and went back to work FT when Oliver was 6 months old. They have been home with DH, and more recently, my mum, whenever I work. I miss them when I work, but I want to work. So I feel I am the one that misses out, not them. Never once I have felt the need to justify my return to work. There have been times I have HATED being away but most often I have relished it. I have - or should I say "had" a very stimulating job - and I am the sole breadwinner in the family. That is how we make it work - it is right for our family. I know this so I have never resorted to HB=HM.

I do think, though, that in some circumstances we resort to it when trying to console a frazzled new mum. Especially one that you don't know well and don't want to counsel, gently, over the benefits of BF, gentle comforting, cloth nappies, organic food, crystal healing or whatever your particular thing is. To illustrate - if I see the stereotypical "bad mum" in the supermarket giving her 2 year old a Coke, and she says HB=HM, I am just going to nod and smile. I ain't going there - sheesh its sometimes hard enough in a place like BB, let alone the supermarket queue!!