I haven't read all the replies. But I really feel for you. My DD is only a couple of months older than yours and I'm in the exact same boat. I really shouldn't complain. She is not an angry child, she doesn't bite, hit or intentionally destroy things. But she still has days with very challenging behaviour. I also don't feel like time-out is the most appropriate method to use. For me it is a last resort. Discussing things with her and asking her why she's doing what she's doing is pointless as her verbal development is a littlle on the slow side. She has very advanced motor skills, but verbally she is a bit behind (growing up in a billingual household doesn't help).

As I had a challenging morning with her I just re-read parts of "The Science of Parenting" and have had a bit of a re-evaluation fo both my attitude to her behaviour and my reactions to it.

Firstly, our children are still so very young that they lack the "control" we might have over our emotions and impulses. The brain is just not developed enough. I say might, because I find it really hard to control myself sometimes, so I need to understand that she might not be able to, either.
I do wonder whether those challenging days/moments are usually the times where she is in need of more stimulation. So I just vowed to take her to the park more often again. I used to take her almost every morning, but have been a little lazy lately. It's just more difficult when you have a bubba, too. Add to that being a WAHM and maybe I have neglected her needs a bit and this is her way of telling me... Not saying this is the case with you. But here it might be. She's so independent that I forget that she still needs a lot of interaction. We do have lots of cuddles and tickles and general tenderness, but she also needs the fun and learning.

Between her being so independent and having a baby, I do tend to forget how little she still is. I do at times expect too much from her. It doesn't help that I am surrounded by a few family members who use "obedience training" with their children. While I don't feel that this is appropriate, I have started to wish DD was "easier" like those kids. I had to re0think this and look at the bigger picture. While it might be easier, I much rather have my spirited child than to stifle her.

Yes, she can really get to me at times. But she's only 2 1/2. It is my job to re-direct her. Punishing her for something she finds impossible to control doesn't seem fair. I am hoping by giving her more outlet for all this energy (she has an extreme amount of energy), she might be a little less prone to push boundaries. After all, it is hard to do when you're completely exhausted.

Please don't feel like I'm sitting on a high horse. These are mainly reflections on my own parenting so far. I have made many mistakes in the past. I have also at times smacked my DD on the bottom. Once it was for running on the road (my dog was run over & killed by a car, so I literally lost it when DD woudln't stop when I called her) but on a couple of occasions it was just because she pushed my buttons too much. Sleep deprivation and stress had a lot to do with it, but it just wasn't fair on her. And on top of that, all that resulted from it was either a hysterically crying child (not because I hit so hard, but because of her feelings being hurt) or an even more defiant child. And I felt miserable, too.

Sorry for all the ramblings... Having said all of that, I do believe in picking your battles (sometimes it's just easier to remove the temptation) but I also do believe children need firm boundaries. Most days just setting the boundary is enough. On days where your kids are wanting to push them, I'm not quite sure how to enforce them either...

Alex