Hugs Mel. I think what you are dealing with is really normal given what you have been thru. That was a really tough birth. And i think it will take you time to process it. Especially since you have lots to keep you busy and not a huge amount of space in which to just sit with it and let it be what it is. When you have time and space maybe do a formal debrief. Either with your midwife or with someone else who can help you to unpack it all and look at it. Your feelings are valid and understandable. Big hugs mamma. And I would love a catch up!