I'm sorry that I have not popped in for ages. I am feeling quite disheartened at the moment. I may not be able to have a homebirth this time around.

The midwife who lives 75 mins away from me ended up deciding not to take me on because her usual back-up midwife is not available around my due date. I had thought we could come to an arrangement so I was disappointed, but I do totally understand her point of view. She is concerned that I live too far away from her and that she may not make it to the birth. Also, she does not want to travel too far away from her caseload clients. Then I contacted a lay midwife who I have heard good things about - again, I was staying hopeful- but she replied saying that she could not be available for a birth in Feb (and commented that I probably didn't need anyone since it was my fourth birth!).

Next, I contacted another registered midwife who lives nearly 2 hours away. I was reluctant about contacting her because of the distance but she was happy to consider being my midwife. We had decided to meet next week. Sadly, I have received an email from her today saying that she is concerned because she has two other clients due around the same time (who live much closer to her) and the back-up midwife she uses is not available (same one that the other midwife uses!). She included the phone number of a midwife from NZ who has started doing homebirths, and only lives 1/2 hour from me. I will call her when she returns from her holidays in 2 weeks.

I bit the bullet today, after receiving the midwife's email, and contacted my local hospital. I am hoping that they may have a spot in their community midwifery program. Although, I expect that I have left it too late - they are probably booked up already.I am waiting for them to call me back.

I am 20 weeks now, and I am starting to worry about where I will birth and who I will birth with.

Sorry, that it has been all about me. I hope everyone else is well.

Re: kids at the birth. For my last homebirth, I went in to labour at midnight - my kids were asleep. I birthed my son at 3am, and the kids were still asleep - in the next room. They woke a couple of hours later, and my DH called them in to our room to meet their brother. I will never forget my DD's first words - she was hoping for a sister. She asked: "I just want to know if its a boy or girl'. I answered 'boy' and she gushed: 'I don't even care that he's not a girl because he is soooo cute'.