I have been there, done that....... i would seriously be looking into moving out. If she is this overpowering just over toys and teddy bears how overpowering will she be over the "management" and care of the baby?
Her heart is probably in the right place - unfortunately it could ultimately ruin your relationship with your partner, it really is soooooo hard to live with in laws and have a little one.
You can't tell her to stop buying things for the baby. (well you can but it isn't going to work!) I don't know one nanna that doesn't go mental buying stuff for their grandchildren. Sorry you don't like the design but it could be worse. She could be ignoring the baby OR be a nanna that is a kleptomanic and STEALS all the baby stuff (no joke this is happening to a friend of mine).
It is her house after all and you are lucky to be able to stay there and save some $$$$. If you don't like it and it bothers you this much I would move out.
You may have to get a bit more mature about it. Why don't you go shopping with her? This will give you all sorts of time to chat about things you like and don't like, the way you want to raise bubs etc. If you will be there for awhile and your DF won't do anything, you better try to make things easier for everyone involved yourself. If you can find a common ground. You can try to make a go of a friendship with her. You have to live with her after all. Not all MIL's are psycho, just enthusiastic!!
Id have to agree with Lulu here. I think its wonderful that shes that darn enthusiastic!!! Maybe if its the sort of things she is buying, can you start a theme of your own, so she then has an idea that works with you in terms of buying things??
hmmm....maybe she's thinking that as it's her house she can decorate the rooms as she wants??
Maybe ask her if you'll be able to have the room to yourself to do what you want with it? If not and that bothers you, you might have to think about moving out.
Good luck!
ok i would move out that way you have your own home with your own stuff.
but if you cant than to be honest i would just give in. i have a lot of problems with My IL's but in the end its their house so it would be rude to throw it back at her. and i agree with your partner its free. what if your DD loves teddies and wants to cover her room in it.
all mum's and mil's stick their noses in where its not needed. just go with it life is so much happier.
If it was me I'd just be pimping up the teddy bears.....
MIL used to buy awful fugly clothes for the $2 shop for my boys but I think she eventually realised that they never wore them and gave up.
it isnt your place , so i would let her do what she wants , my mil bought stuff that was so hideous i couldnt look at it .. but at the end of the day , we either accepted all the help/stuff she gave us .... the baby doesnt give a **** whats on its walls .... i would circle things in catalouges ...
you and dp have to talk about it and then talk to mil .. ask if she had any plans to buy big items .. then if she says yes then show her what you would like ...
but as for the little things , when your looking after a newborn the thing that matters is her happiness and health ... and your well being too . i think bears will the last thing on your mind ...
when you move out , you can go crazy ... she is excited for you and bubs and just doing what she thinks is right ....
Fair enough that your tastes are different to your MIL's, but if it bothers you this much - best to move out. She is doing you and your hubby a favour by allowing you to live there, and it would seem ungrateful if you start changing the decorations in the nursery. She may not be doing this to p*ss you off, it may just be that she is excited at becoming a grandma and is loving the opportunity to decorate a nursery. It might be your baby, but it's her house, so realistically, she can decorate it any way she likes!!
Is there any reason why you can't still have your belly cast and the canvas in the room? Is there a middle ground? OK, you might still have to put up with the bears, but in the general scheme of things, is it really such a big deal? Perhaps ask yourself if it is actually a sign of her being overbearing and controlling, or is she just trying to be nice? Who hasn't received a well intentioned present that sits in the back of a cupboard because it is too ugly for public view, but which gets dragged out and put proudly on display whenever the giver is visiting? It's a bit harder because you are living with her, but think about her intentions before reacting, otherwise you may hurt her feelings.
Decorating aside, if she is showing signs that she will be overwhelming with helpful hints or try to take over when bubs is born, this is something that you should address. First time grandmas are also learning the ropes, and don't always get 'helping' right, if you are able to work on a good relationship with her early on then it will be much easier to deal with if she is giving advice whilst you have a screaming baby - which is when it is difficult to remember that the intentions are good, even if the timing is bad.
If she is generous enough to be buying the 'big' things, perhaps suggest to her that you have some ideas of what you would like and to go shopping together - it will be a nice way to bond.
I have to agree with lulu here, even though I myself have been in a very similar situation...
You are very lucky to have a generous MIL who lets you stay at her house. She's about to become a grandma and while your learning to be a mother, she's learning to be a grandma too. You could have a horrible MIL who doesn't buy you anything, has no interest in the baby at all and doesnt let you stay at her house, and that would be much more terrible than a MIL who is throwing baby gear at you (and baby stuff is so expensive, take what you can get!).
My MIL always wanted a daughter and got two sons. When she discovered we were having a girl, she was ecstatic. She spoils her absolutely rotten (yeah it annoys me sometimes) but its to be expected. I just thought about my relationship with my own grandma growing up, and I adored her cos she treated me like a princess (and still does)!
As for decorating, I'm sure she would let you put the belly cast and canvas on the wall, and you can put some of the items she has bought on show too.
If its really upsetting you, you should see if its at all possible to move out. We moved out of the inlaws a month before my girl was born, and to be honest it was great having that independence.
Hmm, though it was nice having free rent, food cooked nearly every night, etc!
Hey all thankyou so much for the advise alot has helped.
It is so hard cause i grew up with 1 set of grandparents that would give us anything and do anything for us. And then the other side doesnt barelly want to know us. So i feel in my situation i feel overpowered like its her child not ours. and im worried that it will be to much for me when bub is born. And i want both grandparents to be equally loved not by who has more money. 1 big thing was we moved into fiance parents to save money. And bam unexspected pregnancy and been really sick though the whole thing so havent been working. So as soon as i can i want to start working again to move out.
The one thing that is getting me though is my parents taught me to be very independant and my fiance mother does absolutly everything for him cause him being a only child. (so they are pretty close). So i feel i cant talk to him about it.
But i have come to a conclussion yes it is there house. But they did say we could use the spare room as the baby room. So i have went and brought just a few little knick knacks for the wall. Until i get the other things done.
Dont get me wrong i love her to death and she never had a daughter and it is her only grandchild. I just want our daughter to grow up to know she can get things to what we can afford.
Oh girl - I hear you on the independence thing - and yes, my Dp is a mumma's boy too. I can't stand it sometimes.
My dad has spolit my teenager ROTTEN, just rotten. It could be worse though, and at the end of the say she is a good kid (and very independent) - she just goes to poppy when she wants an ipod - totally fine by me he he!
Grandys can go nuts with the money all they want. Your kids will run straight to the ones that sit down with them and read a book.....
I'm glad your MIL isn't a nutter tho - they really suck!
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