Back to square one...cycle cancelled

[dusty]

Sweetie, that is so disappointing for you. I have been there a few times and know how difficult, confusing, shocking and frustrating it can be.
Try not to be angry at your body. Be kind to yourself as much as you can.

I am now sliding back down into the hole I have been in since the last miscarriage. I feel like I am drowning in this limbo and have no direction, I seem to just survive each day, each week. I go to work, and I exercise etc, but there is no real spark or happiness. I am reading self help books and trying hard to be positive and find joy in simple things and to reflect etc, but it certainly isn't easy. Some days I just want to hide from the world. I know that sounds dramatic I guess sometimes I just dont want to have to make any effort to be 'up' for people at work etc. I think I picked up when we started this cycle, as I had hope again, and I felt like I was at least doing something proactive towards achieving our goal... now that it has been cancelled, I feel so frustrated and disappointed and right back at square one.

I guess there are (sadly) many of us who can so totally relate to this. Infertility is called the 'rollercoaster' ride for a reason, there are the highs and hopes and the lows and disappointment. For me, trying to even out the ride over time to be smoother, more consistent and less bumpy is the goal for my happiness. I can really only speak from my experience, but I know it is hard work, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and keep doing, but IME it does get a little easier and while I get knocked down sometimes, I can get back up again and keep focused on my happiness, not the desired outcome, but learning from all the hardship.

This may sound all self helpy, but I can really only offer you what has worked best for me. I hope you can find your own less bumpy path over time. I think the fact that you are so aware of both what is going on and your response to this disappointment shows personal growth and that you have the strength to cope even if you feel like crap right now. Just writing out your feelings above shows you are aware of what is going on. You need hands to hold, ears to listen to you, cyber shoulders to cry on, and hun you have that here.

xx