Dusty- thank so much for your thoughtful, caring and wise words.

It continues to surprise me how much support I can find here on an internet site. It has helped me through so far, and I think it's also helping me grow as a person and understand many different situations, beyond my own. I am finding the Stephanie Dowrick book to be really good, but I know it takes time and self discipline to implement changes in the way I think/view things. I tend to be an obsessive person and have seen a psych for issues related to that before, so I know that with dedication I can master my thought processes, and hopefully find a less bumpy road through this. Given your long and difficult journey, I think you do amazingly well and admire your strength.

Cadence- thanks for your support and kind thoughts. I appreciate it

also, as for my old due date approaching next week, I read in a book on miscarriage last night, that sometimes it helps to still do something to mark that day and celebrate the soul that was with me, however briefly...so I think I will do that.