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Thread: Blended families chatter

  1. #19

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    Good luck with the new bubba bubno3 hope they have a safe arrival soon.

    Marlin I said we are happy "Most" of the time lol.

    i think the biggest issue we have at the moment is my DS12 he has turned into a surly preteen that knows everything and has an attitude problem. My DH and my ex absolutely despise each other and that doesnt help because DH will always say "He is turning out just like his father" which isnt a good thing trust me lol. I personally think it is a jealousy issue with my DH he wishes he was their dad and hates having to share them with a person he hates if that makes sense, I am hoping that starting high school next year will knock some of the smartass out of DS as he will be at the bottom of the food chain again instead of the top iykwim and will have to pull his head in a bit. DH absolutely adores all of the kids but when DS comes back from his fathers house he is horrible because he gets away with it over there and my ex has a stepson 13 who is an absolute spolit nightmare he gets heaps of pocket money for no chores, he is allowed way too much freedom and DS is granted the same liberties when he is there so although he has no desire to live with his dad he thinks that he can act like that when he comes home. I guess we are sricter because we are raising them 24/7 and have to be and he gets to be the fun parent with no boundaries. Sorry for the rant but it actually feels good to be able to express it.


  2. #20

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    hey im back to tell tales out of school (well out of the house anyway lol)

    I just love this how we can VENT and no one ever needs to know haha
    Except in some cases the scenarios to get to the venting is serious and not nice to go though Dont people agree?

    I have to be brutally honest DH and i have had so many rough patches in our very short time together it isnt funny and damn right scary . I honestly think it is his baggage that he came in with with his ex wife (who used to abuse him physically and mentally at times) and then accused him of horrible things and made him go to court so he could continue to be in the kids lives .... ironically only a few years later and after all the $$$$ spent on lawyers and courts his kids are with him! Some women are just plain horrible and try to get away with 'murder' so to speak ! Hense my DH has all this deep down baggage that at time even he doesnt even knows exists ONLY after i tell him .... after he has done a b or c towards me !

    BUT now he mentally thinks he owes everything to his kids for putting them through all the crap (which he didnt start he just had to make it happen so the children sore their father) ... his ds 19 is getting hand outs left right and centre as he is in tassy and he just refuses to get a job but still expects a uni education and obviously exoect his father to help pay.... well i can understand and apreciate that as i went through uni (bachelor of nursing) and my parents helped but i worked and i worked damn hard on weekends ect etc juts to top up mu account. Mr dss 19 just refuses so dad pays him $250 fortnight ... $150 of that is supposed to go towards board but he reckons nan refuses the money... i asked well where is it all then ... oh it has been spent hasnt it ... Thats $500 a month that is not bad is it especially when your not giving Nan anything ? But i can see this kid being 25 yrs and still no degree and no money as he is too damn lazy to get off his bum and get one ....
    See i could go on and on so i wont ...
    x

  3. #21

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    This is just the place to let off steam!!
    Its great to be able to share this I can relate totally to you nina21 and bubno3
    You only get it if you live in a step family situation imo

    We are in the middle of trying to sort out house rules again as the situation here is changing get jobs no jobs at tafe etc I think you have to be constantly on the ball and talking about it together

    Its hard when the rules are different at each house but we just try and reinforce that as our kids normal
    This is not a perfect world anyhow
    Dont get me wrong I choose to be in this situation it just gets hard at times
    I need to create space from it at times

    So vent away when you need too We get it

  4. #22

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    Wow bubno3 sounds like your DSS has his father wrapped around his little finger that sux as DH probably cant see it for what it is, guilt whether warranted or not is such a powerful emotion, not sure how you fix that one hun, hopefully DH will see he isnt doing his son any favours by enabling this deceitful, lazy behaivour.
    We went through a really nasty and expensive court battle over the kids too my ex decided one day that because he had a child support debt he couldnt afford to have the kids anymore so he said call off the debt or I am not having the kids anymore and that was that he never saw the kids for 14 mths over $2500 sooooo ridiculous but then he spent over $6000 in legal fees to get visitation again, the man is an idiot I swear lol But in hindsight that 14 mths allowed my DH to bond completely with the kids especially my DS but also made it harder to hand them over again. I try to tell my DH that DS is just a homonal preteen and that it has nothing to do with his father or his step brother or anything else but sadly I can see the distance between them growing but not exactly sure what I can do about it, just no getting through to my son at the moment, he is a good kid dont get me wrong but just sooooooo moody and fights with my DD 6 which is our DD together all the time and over nothing he is just so mean to her and DH is protective I guess aarrrggggg maybe I will move out till they all hit 21 then come back lol.

  5. #23

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    Looooving this venting!!!!!

    You will be sorry you got me started girls lol

  6. #24

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    nina21 moving out to they are 21 ha i will come too

    My nine month old is sick with cold and conjunctivitis poor wee boy but he doesnt complain i wish they stayed this way for longer sometimes and not get to teenage trouble lol!

  7. #25

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    My 12 mth old has conjuctivitis too and i had her up the hosp getting an enema day before yesterday will explain more later am off to take ferals to school......thank god

  8. #26

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    How is everyone going on here??? It's gone a bit quiet. We haven't really had any dramas regarding the kids lately (phew) but I do have to go and have an amnio done next week. I'm sure everything will be fine and we can also find out the sex (i think it's a boy). Fingers crossed for me for next Tuesday everyone

  9. #27

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    Oh good luck Kim, I hope everything goes well xx

    Not much to report from here, we had the steppies on the weekend and that was good. Had a belated birthday for DSD13 and I ended up eating way too much cake lol!

    How is everyone else? Hope you're all well

  10. #28

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    Well amnio done and all is good. We found out that we are having another little girl so now we can start to make a list of names as the one we had picked out I'm sure won't suit her (tricky little sod already lol)

    Take care everyone

  11. #29

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    Hey, can i join in here..?

    How is everyone

    There is me and Hubby, 4x step kids, 1 dd, and 1 on the way

    We have had two live with us for the last 21/2 years and have just recently moved out due to being *too strict* and moved back in with there mum....while i am happy about that in a way...i am also worried because we have no control now and SS has already been suspended from school under her care...She lets them do what they want but doesnt look after them in other ways and loops out all the time......the ex is one lazy, irresponsible, selfish, voilent, abusive, crazy woman...(oh i have millions of stories) and im not exagerating either..she is a nightmare and abandon these two, and her other children. I have been going through this for nearly seven years now..so while i should be over the moon that they have gone back to there mums..i feel its the calm before the storm and she will probably kick all of them out this time when it gets too much for her. She makes comments like when he was making sure they wanted to stay with there mum....."oh lying is ok" what...you have just given you're kids permission to lie all the time to you.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she makes me so angry... I have also had a mc and have been spotting with this one so i dont really need the stress...i think its actually more stressful them being there then being under our watchful eye..and now we get all the phone calls and texts....arrggg

  12. #30

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    welcome Melster



    Sorry i havent been here for awhile I have had pc problems and have returned to casual work so less time for bb

    I am having issues again with teenagers but Im plodding along I find the problem here is that if I try to say things to the steps they dont seem to hear it or ignore it anyone else have this issue and then I try and talk to my dh about it and he just defends them all the time. Im really quite sick of it and find it annoying when Ive got the little one to chase after as he is getting much more mobile now (1 in a few weeks)

    somedays I think I must be crazy for taking on this role .................................................. ...


    I hope everyone is going well with their families and is keeping well

  13. #31

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    Hey Marlin..

    I have two step teenager who have just moved back in with there mum and sisters....they started pushing the boundries the last six months...everytime they would do something hubby would extend there grounding and chores.....hence why they moved back in with there mums because she lets them do what they want but she doesnt look after them in other ways....lucky for me i would just have to go to hubby and tell them what they had said or not done and he would take control of the situation most times.....and they would get punished. He was good like that.

    It would be really hard when he defends them, its such a catch 22 because its different when there you're kids verses step kids........He really needs to unite front with you so they know they cant get away with it..

    I know.. i have been in this relationship for nearly seven years and i do wonder how crazy i am for taking on 4 step kids...so you're not alone dont worry..its tough!!! really tough..

  14. #32

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    I have taken on 4 step kids aswell, however they don't live with us. When they have stayed for more than a few nights they are told by their Dad that it is his and my house and our rules stick, and just because there mum lets them do one thing doesn't mean it happens with us.

    I am lucky as we have a good relationship between myself and them. When I first meet their dad they were 11, 13, 15, 16 and now are 16, 18, 20, 22. We have our ups and downs but overall my dh supports me with anything I say or do with them. They have learnt over time what to expext, the eldest did live with us for 4 months and was supposed to move back in with us in march this year once our new house was built but decided I was to strict and has stayed with his mum.

    My Dh is on the same side as he has taken on 2 step daughters but they were 2 and 5 at the time and now are 7 and 10 and he plays a much larger role in their lives and treats them as his own and the kids no he has a right to discipline them as much as I do.

    I know it helped me to sit down with my dh and talk about supporting each other in our choices with all the kids, that way we were on the same page when it came to discipline etc,

  15. #33

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    Hey everyone,

    I tell you being in this step family and putting up with the ex while being pregnant is REALLY REALLY GETTING TO ME...im sure its hormones but i am also quiet fed up. Im so sick of having another women control our lives and things that happen in it. I think its more stressful having the two eldest actually living with there mum again because we have no control and she always bothers us with texts and phone calls...the kids get in trouble, are tired and stressed. She has ALREADY had the cops called on her and cp around there and they have only been there a month and a bit....and then we get all the "i cant handle it you'll end up with all of them".....arggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this lady makes me soooooooooooooooooooo mad. She has abandoned her other kids to there father, then we got hubbys 2 and 2 stayed with her....She has no morals, she is so selfish, and lazy and has no idea about raising children or what she should and shouldnt be doing...she is voilent and abusive.......i just cant handle all the stuff from her, its like i am in another relationship as well and i have a woman controlling what happens to us and controls our happiness.....i have been doing this for 7 years and when we got them the last time i was 4months pregnant and im sure it was because she didnt want us to be happy. She doesnt know i am pregnant yet so i am just waiting. There is NO WAY, we can look after all of them...not with my soon too be two, we have no room, no money and mentally i think i would loose it. It took us long enough to control the teenagers, so much work and i just cant do it all over again....i cannot raise my husbands 4 kids....its tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much......so what would be our option....hubby move out with the kids.........i know there his kids and he needs to look after them but i wish he would understand he has this family as well and we need him and im sick of him not putting his foot down and letting her control everything and reacting to everything she says.....its like he puts her and his kids first..........and were in the back ground....he jumps to her....im pregnant and need his support and everything is always about them.....

    Thanks for letting me rant.....im just emotional and angry and tired....im so tired..........i just wish they would go away

  16. #34

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    Oh Melster that sounds really tough, I completely understand we're you're coming from. Especially about the ex controlling your lives and what happens. I know in our situation it's never about the kids best interests it's always about her having control over us. I used to get so annoyed with her but now I just try to let it be water off a ducks back. There's nothing I can do, so I try not to give her my time and effort. I know that's easier said than done - especially in you situation, but hun you need to put yourself and your bub-to-be first. Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel? Often they really don't see things from our perspectives and it takes a mini breakdown for them to see they have a family here too kwim? Last time I was at breaking point I wrote my DH a letter. I found I was able to get what I wanted to across without all the emotion interfering and DH missing the point. It worked wonders, and things have been really good ever since.

    hun, I really hope things improve for you xx

  17. #35

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    Thanks claire a....i try to but he just doesnt seem to get it...i know there his kids and we protect and look after our kids..and i would if they were mine...but sometimes its hard being on the other foot....i just wish he would consider us a little more....especially after the mc and me trying to be relaxed this time....and especially after putting up with this for seven years.........i understand it must be hard for him..but he has to think of the kids WE have........but doesnt he see how much harder it is for me....and our ex is the same...its defiantly not about the kids best interests its about whats best for her...and how much pain she can inflict...if she is not happy...she will go out of her way to make ours unhappy...

  18. #36

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    hello ladies.
    IM a blended family liver as well.. lol

    Hubby had a sone who was 7 when we met.
    we are having a crap time with him.
    his mum does nothing for him which is so sad, and put no effort in at all.
    he is being very rude and telling us eh hates us and doesn't want to live with us, but wont go to his mums as he knows that she doesn't want him.

    we are thinking of boarding school next year for him as we can't cope and his behaviour is affecting our other children.

    what do you do? we are also getting him assesed for depression and other mental illnesses as he does things which worry us and he can't show affection for anyone, and is very very selfish and has a horible temper

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