Hi Lulu,

Good luck with everything - fingers crossed.

Hi BecE,

I'm sad for you that you lost your little one. Makes it hard when you can't talk to many people about your situation. May I recommend you read Ken Daniel's book (if you haven't already). May help with the secrecy versus privacy issues.

Hi SuziQ,

My plan is at the moment to tell my child literally from day one. I want to get the picturebook "Sometimes it takes 3 to make a baby". Both our families know that we are using DI, however I will talk to them about our privacy and that we would like to tell our child first. I am not going to tell them the identity of the SD at this stage - I was thinking I would wait until at least 3 months into the pregnancy. And seeing I've not got to that stage yet...

As for other kids, well unfortunately kids will find something to hassle someone else about. When I first read your posting I said to my DH 'maybe we train our child to say "and your mother/father wears army boots" whenever someone says something like this to him/her'. This was something my dad used to say under his breath when people annoyed him. DH was secretly delighted, but I don't think that this would be teaching our child to respect others!!

Ok now it's vent time...

I've had a really up and down week. I had a follow up call from the counsellor. She was initially checking up to see what the response had been from my SD (who, BTW is all over the place because he has to move home), which was a good thing for her to do. However she reduced me to tears when she started asking questions about what was happening between DH and me. For whatever reason, I feel that she is more concerned about DH, rather than giving me support.

I feel like we got off to a bad start day one. I was p*%%$# off with DH at the time about his work, and I wasn't holding back. She still refers to it and that was 2 1/2 years ago. This view of me was not helped when I saw her for the second time in full crying mood after a kid had run me into a wall at school. I was on treatment and VERY hormonal. She was bewildered by my reaction. The last time she told me to change my tone when I was questioning DH (a technique she had advised). When I got home I said to DH that if he wanted to say something he needed to say it, without me being forced to ask him questions. I am sick of being treated like a pushy b*&^&.

Now, I'm quite sure that I am probably overreacting, and taking things too personally. How do I fix this? I thought I could talk to her one on one on Monday (I'm seeing the FS then, and thought about seeing her afterwards). My best friend advised saying to her that I should just say that I am doing the best that I can, and I need her support, not judgement. Has anyone else had this problem?