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Thread: Donor Conception General Chatter #1

  1. #127

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    We've all gone quiet in here. Thought I would pop in and see how everyone is going.
    Carla, it must be really difficult for you and your DH. hopefully with time he will come to accept it. I guess they must have found some sperm at some stage to be doing the TESA. Maybe you can try some natural therapies to see if you can increase the sperm.


  2. #128

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    Hi Anney,

    Yeah I noticed that we'd gone a little quiet too...

    I was going to post tonight anyway and let you all know how things are going(be warned -really BIG vent!!)

    I went and saw my GP yesterday after becoming obnoxious again at work on Tuesday, and then not being able to face going in on Wednesday. He was very good and talked to me for about 1/2 an hour. He believes I have a mild case of clinical depression - reactive due to our fertility issues and the fact that my DH in the last year has been diagnosed with diabetes and a general anxiety disorder.

    Work has also changed from being a haven to an additional source of stress. Late last year my brilliant boss moved to become a Deputy. We had an acting head teacher that didn't really understand her role. At one stage we were friends, and I tried to point out what she was doing wrong, but she just didn't get it. She thought she was doing a good job.

    I moved to a different staffroom, but unfortunately some of the problems came with me. Before I worked in a staffroom with a family like environment where I felt really creative. I also had a lot of autonomy as I was on my own. Now my job is shared and everything is hard work - mainly because the other person sees the job a lot differently than I do. And another big issue for me is the mental disorders that are becoming more prevalent as kids are becoming better diagnosed.

    I went to another specialist today and found out that I do indeed have chronic tonsillitis - it's back again. The good news is that I can get them out during the school holidays. The bad news is that I got a letter from the sheriff's office and I am supposed to have jury duty at the same time. I'm going to try and appeal on medical grounds.

    The other issue is that we have a known donor who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I've been trying to give him space to call me, but I now am going to start calling him because he is driving me nuts. We need to go through the final hoops before we can put his sperm on ice for 6 - 12 months. To be fair, he also has some major things going on in his life. But the non contact is still driving me nuts.

    I think the GAD was the last straw for me at home. Although, as my GP said, I cannot control when my DH is going to have a dissociative episode (he did this just before Christmas). I can only control myself. He recommended exercise, and getting involved in things that I find fun.

    So I had a big think about what I like. I like the dance class that the kids do on sports afternoon - jazz and hip hop - so I might see if they have an adult version. I'm also going to investigate running my own meditation circle again. I gave up due to time restraints and thinking I had to focus on having a baby. Unfortunately this is now on the backburner for a little while at least.

    My GP asked if I've thought about changing work, but I told him that with a new Head Teacher and a new Deputy I am hoping things changed for the better. Time will tell next term when they both arrive.

    I also thought that this time last year I was going through IUI, and whether this would be affecting me.

    Actually I'm glad I have the diagnosis of mild clinical depression - I was scaring myself with the uncontrolled crying, uncontrolled temper and heavy sadness that would not lift. My GP and I have both agreed that there is no need for tablets at this stage.

    So that's why I've been a little quiet...how are the rest of you going in cyber world???

  3. #129

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    I've been quiet too. Went away one weekend and have been really busy making my soy candles - sales are going through the roof!!!
    Gargy, I can totally understand what you're going through with the work adding just another level to everything. My job has been the cause of so much distress for similar reasons - it really doesn't help! I hope things pick up soon for you.
    Hi to everyone else....gotta run.....soy wax melting.....pyramid melts and easter egg melts to make....

  4. #130

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    Hi gargy, sorry to hear things have been so tough lately. I can also relate to some of what you're going through. My work is a nightmare and between this fertility rollercoaster and work issues, I ended up seeing a Psychologist late last year - really did help even though some of the issues still remain - I'm just trying to deal with them in a better way. Not to mention that I also get throat/tonsilitis problems when I'm stressed which doesn't help! Especially when my GP says it's no big problem - that's alright for him to say!!!

    Okay, my vent over with now! LOL! Anyway, I'm hoping my flare cycle will be starting in a couple of weeks, obviously feeling excited and apprehensive at the same time!

    Hope everyone else is doing well. Thinking of you. xoxo

    Marg

  5. #131

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    Hi everyone again,

    I'm glad I told everyone what was going on - even though it was quite a bit to read! I feel a lot better now.

    I only had a brief conversation with our SD because he had people visiting, I'll try again later in the week.

    Work has been a lot better, today I just kept my head down and got all my administration work done. I'm going off site for three days to mark ELLA, so a lot of lesson preparation to do. I think involving myself in the politics was adding to my misery, so I'll try and stay out in future.

    DH has been fine. He's gone back to uni part time again and is putting all his energy into this (oh, and watching Carlton win the NAB).

    Not much to report in the way of DI/IVF...maybe if I get everything else out of the way (ie tonsils and jury duty) things will fall into place.

    Thanks everyone for listening...

    Gargy

  6. #132

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    Hi All,
    I to am a donor recipient. My story started when i met my DH 10yrs ago, he was divorced like me and had two beautiful children 1girl now 17 and one boy now 25. He had had a vasectomy when his daughter was born thinking no more children, Then divorced and along came me! After visiting doctors was told that to long for vasc to be reversed as it probably would not work. DH really did not want any more kids but realised how important it was for me after years of discussion and 7yrs after we met my biol clock just went wacko you need a baby I was 38yrs old - so off we trott to IVF and told we could still try using icsi. So we tried and tried and tried with my eggs and his sperm - yippie pregnant then 10weeks later we lost our little one. So we are told (i am 41 by now) that my eggs are probably too old so try donor eggs! So i met a girl after moving to a country town told her my story and immediatly she puts her hand up for donor - she had finished her family and was more than happy to do so - we have 2 tries first try fails second try we are pregnant yippie but unfortunately we loose this one too.
    I am crushed thinking this is the end, but I'm sooooo stubborn I ask more questions and the doctor in Sydney in charge of my health says its probably the sperm as it was never really good to begin with - WHAT I WANT TO SCREAM - you all told me it was my eggs are too old but then looking at it again they decide its a sperm problem as even though I did not produce alot of eggs they all fertilised and all survived for implantation. DH not too keen on donor sperm but never had a problem with donor eggs???? So more discussions more sole searching a little arguing and then DH says what if we ask his brother - brilliant idea. So now we are just waiting till June as his sperm must sit in isolation for 6mths - good news though his sperm is great - good little swimmers. When they retreived sperm from my husband we only ever got 4straws - but with his brother and the cup method we go 12 heathly straws and have been tested for just about everything. So fingers crossed this will work - if not we are on a waiting list for donor embyros so i guess i have ticked just about every box there is - so if nothing else i know i have tried everything in my power to have the family we have longed for. I wish everyone luck on the donor quest - IVF is one thing but then you through donors in it does become a bit more emotionally and mentally challenging - 1st you have to get over the fact that the baby is not 100% biol yours but you know thats okay cause blood does not necessarily make a family LOVE DOES!

  7. #133

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    Hi Lissie, welcome to this thread. Like many others here, it sounds like you have had a long and challenging journey. I hope the donor sperm makes all the difference and it's not long before your dream comes true. And you're right - regardless of blood ties, it is love that truly makes a family.

    Good luck and take care,
    Marg

  8. #134

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    MargOZ,
    Thanks for your kind wishes, I just want to say that i admire you for going for your dream solo - you are being true to yourself and i for one applaud you. GOOD LUCK
    :hugs: &

  9. #135

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    WOOO HOOO!!

    Our sperm donor has got back to us and has an appointment tomorrow morning to get his swimmers checked!!

    Hooray - things are moving at last !!! (I'd almost given up)

    Next step counselling...

    How is everyone else going??

    Carla - did things get better with your DH?

    SuziQ - how go the candles and easter eggs?

    MargOz - thinking of you and your flare cycle...

    Lissie - hope everything goes well with your donor.

  10. #136

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    Gargy, you have had a rough trott lately thats for sure - but you sound positive and thats a blessing. Hope all goes well with your sperm donor and thankyou for your kind wishes. Best of luck

  11. #137

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    Hi Lissie,

    I have good and bad days. At least I have a definition now as to why it's happening.

    Funnily enough, I'm finding going back to the chiro has helped - I hurt my lower back while marking, and the first session was really painful, but yesterday's somehow released some of my darker mood (strange huh??)

    How is everyone else out there??

  12. #138

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    Hi everyone!!

    Got a funny DI story to tell that I'm sure you'll appreciate...

    I paid for the sperm test for our SD and the IVF clinic told me that I could go to Medicare (public health care system) to get a rebate. So I trotted down to my local centre to do the paperwork.

    My number comes up and I am served. Now my SD's name is on the top of the account. The customer service person asked me in an accusing voice (as if I am trying to pull a fast one) "Who is this person?" I said quite matter of factly "Well, actually it's our sperm donor." Of course, this just happens to be the time when there is a break in the general noise in the room, and the lady next to me half turns to listen. That's when I start to go red.

    I have never seen someone run so fast to their supervisor as this woman did. The supervisor, who had obviously dealt with this before, just told her what to do. The officer couldn't look me in the face. We both dealt with the paperwork as if I had not said anything. Then I left.

    It's amazing what things you never even think will be a problem can floor you! I told this story because I knew you would all understand.

    Hope you all have a brilliant Easter!!

  13. #139

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    Oh gargy - so sorry to hear about the Medicare office fiasco. Only people on the fertility rollercoaster can really understand everything we have to go through.

    Being single and using an anonymous SD has it's sticky moments (sorry for the pun! LOL! ). I've been at Medicare when they've asked why my husband and I aren't on the same Medicare card? When I've had local blood tests and scans, they always ask questions about hubby and I! It can be a mine-field out there sometimes - and simply because we are not doing things the 'traditional' way. I'd even be happy to do things the 'traditional' way but Mother Nature has sent me on a different path so at the moment it's just about coping as best as possible with the situation we've been put in.

    Marg

  14. #140
    alexandra1971 Guest

    Default ED Information Please

    My dear Hb and I would like to look into ED donation. This is something I would really like to research and consider seriously before any decision is made. Can anyone send me or email information about it?

    I have 3 beautiful children and the fourth due on the 7th June meaning there is only 11 months between my two youngest children. We wanted a fourth child but were not expecting it so soon. I got pregnant two months after giving birth to Drew !!!!

    My guess is I am really furtile and I would love to help someone have the experience and love that only children can give you.

    I have been searching the web to try and find information, to no real avail except america.

    Questions I am interested in are,

    • Like am I to old to help anyone as I am 35.
    • What my legal obligations are,
    • How the procedure is done, what screening tests are done
    • Is it legal in Victoria Australia
    • What medical expenses are incured
    • Do I contact Melbourne IVF or am I to old


    Any information any could tell me would be great thanks

    Alexandra
    Jade 2/7/2000
    Jordan 15/5/2004
    Drew 5/7/2006
    new baby ED 7/6/2007

    [email protected]

  15. #141

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    Hi Alexandra1971,

    Don't have much expertise in this area, as I'm using a SD. However your best option is to contact one of the IVF clinics and find out what their criteria is.

    You could also have a look at the DCSG website and see if this helps..

    Hi Marg,

    The Medicare fiasco is going down in my urban legend DI stories - my DH and best friend PTPL when I told them the story - of course I ramped it up a bit by saying that crickets started chirping as "sperm donor" echoed around the room! I still haven't told my SD - I'm sure he'll find it hilarious too!

    Hearing about your experiences I cannot believe in this day and age that people still make the assumption that all babies are born into traditional mum/dad families - there are so many variations these days. I actually laughed out loud when my GP said my depression would lift when things returned to normal,and said "we are so far left of normal I don't know what that is anymore!" I'm glad I get to talk to you though - you always give me a reality check!!

    Have a good night!!
    Last edited by sushee; April 10th, 2007 at 04:29 PM. Reason: removing link

  16. #142

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    Alexandra,
    Firstly let me say I think you are terrific for even thinking about donating. What a generous gift. I have had an egg donor and i can tell you about my and her experience. She was not a good friend she was just a girl i met through someone else and like you she had 3 beautiful children. Firstly they don't usually take eggs unless you have completed your family. There is no expense to you just a little discomfort. You have no legal obligation to the child. The eggs are yours until they are taken from you - ie my donor was told she could back out at any time even if she was on the table about to have them retrieved she could back out - after the eggs are removed they now belong the other woman. You will have to do conselling to make sure you understand exactly what you are doing. No you are not too old at 35 i believe that if you are under 38 its ok.
    They will need to run blood tests first to make sure that all is okay health wise. I don't know about victoria so that something maybe someone else can answer but maybe just contact Melb IVF and do some enquiries and i can tell you you will be a very popular girl.
    You will most likely have to do something that is called a memorandum of understanding between yourself and the parents to be - eg: its not a contract its just and understanding - for example when we did ours there is a strong preference with Sydney IVF that the donor has some sort of part in the childs life if possible. They beleive as i do that the child has the right to know exactly where they have come from and they suggest you start telling them when they are just babies so you are comfortable telling them the story and they just grow up with it and its not a huge shock at 13yrs of age. They even have story books now for just this purpose - its a fairytale story of how the child came to be and the books are just lovely. Anyway hope this has helped a bit - sorry for the long post. And again I for one think you are terrific. Good on you for helping someone have the chance of being a mum.

  17. #143

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    Hi everyone!!

    Just a quick note to let you know that I'll be out of action for the next week or so as I'm getting my tonsils removed tomorrow. Feeling a little nervous!!

    Good luck to everyone - talk soon...

  18. #144

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    New thread time, everyone!

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