Hi Anney,

Yeah I noticed that we'd gone a little quiet too...

I was going to post tonight anyway and let you all know how things are going(be warned -really BIG vent!!)

I went and saw my GP yesterday after becoming obnoxious again at work on Tuesday, and then not being able to face going in on Wednesday. He was very good and talked to me for about 1/2 an hour. He believes I have a mild case of clinical depression - reactive due to our fertility issues and the fact that my DH in the last year has been diagnosed with diabetes and a general anxiety disorder.

Work has also changed from being a haven to an additional source of stress. Late last year my brilliant boss moved to become a Deputy. We had an acting head teacher that didn't really understand her role. At one stage we were friends, and I tried to point out what she was doing wrong, but she just didn't get it. She thought she was doing a good job.

I moved to a different staffroom, but unfortunately some of the problems came with me. Before I worked in a staffroom with a family like environment where I felt really creative. I also had a lot of autonomy as I was on my own. Now my job is shared and everything is hard work - mainly because the other person sees the job a lot differently than I do. And another big issue for me is the mental disorders that are becoming more prevalent as kids are becoming better diagnosed.

I went to another specialist today and found out that I do indeed have chronic tonsillitis - it's back again. The good news is that I can get them out during the school holidays. The bad news is that I got a letter from the sheriff's office and I am supposed to have jury duty at the same time. I'm going to try and appeal on medical grounds.

The other issue is that we have a known donor who seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. I've been trying to give him space to call me, but I now am going to start calling him because he is driving me nuts. We need to go through the final hoops before we can put his sperm on ice for 6 - 12 months. To be fair, he also has some major things going on in his life. But the non contact is still driving me nuts.

I think the GAD was the last straw for me at home. Although, as my GP said, I cannot control when my DH is going to have a dissociative episode (he did this just before Christmas). I can only control myself. He recommended exercise, and getting involved in things that I find fun.

So I had a big think about what I like. I like the dance class that the kids do on sports afternoon - jazz and hip hop - so I might see if they have an adult version. I'm also going to investigate running my own meditation circle again. I gave up due to time restraints and thinking I had to focus on having a baby. Unfortunately this is now on the backburner for a little while at least.

My GP asked if I've thought about changing work, but I told him that with a new Head Teacher and a new Deputy I am hoping things changed for the better. Time will tell next term when they both arrive.

I also thought that this time last year I was going through IUI, and whether this would be affecting me.

Actually I'm glad I have the diagnosis of mild clinical depression - I was scaring myself with the uncontrolled crying, uncontrolled temper and heavy sadness that would not lift. My GP and I have both agreed that there is no need for tablets at this stage.

So that's why I've been a little quiet...how are the rest of you going in cyber world???