Donor Conception General Chatter #2

[sushee]

This thread is for those who have, for various reasons, decided to utilise a donor to assist in their dream of having a child. It is also a place for those who are donors, are considering donating, or are in the process of donating.

Please note that we do not allow posts that advertise for donors or recipeints.

This thread is for general chatter and support only. Please ensure that any discussions between donor and recipient regarding donation is not posted in this public forum.

Any post which is considered advertising will be removed.

If there is anything you would like to discuss about the thread or have any problems then please contact one of the moderators. All emails/PM's are treated confidentiality.

Sarah_H sarah_h@bellybelly.com.au
Cherie cherie@bellybelly.com.au
sushee sushee@bellybelly.com.au
tiggy - tigga_m@hotmail.com
Cailin cailin@bellybelly.com.au

Read up on your old thread here

Love
sushee

[MargOZ]

Hi, hope everyone has had a lovely Easter.

Gargy,

Hi everyone!!

Just a quick note to let you know that I'll be out of action for the next week or so as I'm getting my tonsils removed tomorrow. Feeling a little nervous!!

Good luck to everyone - talk soon...

Hope the tonsils go well (actually, I mean that I hope YOU go well, it doesn't really matter how the tonsils feel! LOL!).

Even though I would love to meet Mr Right and be doing the family thing the 'traditional' way, people do forget that we all have different experiences in life and that in this day and age there probably is no one 'type' of family. We all just do what we have to do - and try and stay sane in the process!!! LOL

Marg

[MsPink]

Just thought I'd pop in and say hi...
Marg...I so understand where you are coming from. I have just hit 10weeks and have started thinking about what people are going to say when they find out I am pregnant. I know it's going to be such 'goss' for a while and I am sure plenty with get good mileage out of it...but you know what?? I don't care. I am doing this for me and nobody else.
Like you I thought it would all work out fine with the house, picket fence and 2.4 kids by age 34. Well it didnt happen. People keep looking at me in amazement as they can't understand why. Well that's how it is..
So Marg - I hear ya... just because it doesnt happen the way it does for some...go ahead and make it happen because you want it to!!
I'll be thinking of you thru the next cycle and will keep an eye open in here..

best..Lulu

[MargOZ]

Hi Lulu, thanks for the support. I'm so excited to hear you've hit the 10 week mark - you go girl!

I'm sure when I get pregnant that there will be heads shaking and eyes rolling - but as you said, I'm doing what's right for me and I know I can provide a loving home when the time comes. I do think this fertility/IVF rollercoaster does make us stronger women and I think that's going to help when rude people think they can tell me what I should be doing with my life (when they haven't walked in my shoes!). I know it wont be an easy road but I honestly don't think single parenthood can be that much harder than the infertility rollercoaster I've already been on the last few years - it's a tough journey.

Here's hoping we can get a heap of Long Termer's graduating this year.

Marg

[Caramello]

Hi Marg,

Really feel like writing tonight - I've been reading on the different forums when I've felt up to it but I'm only now starting to feel back in the swing again. I cannot wait for another week until this swallowing razor blades feeling is GONE! Hopefully my health will be a whole lot better for the rest of the year (and the rest of my life - touch wood)

Re the perfect image with white picket fences etc - yes I also fell for that daydream - it sort of worked up until the having children part, oh, and the having my own house part, and being financially secure etc etc. Spent some time of this recovery trying to convince myself that I was being ridiculous and could survive without children (arguments including: the cost, the affect it would have on my life and my relationship etc) - but it didn't work. I'm not ready to give up on that dream yet.

I am also waiting for the raised eyebrows when I finally fall (if I do). Most people are aware of our problems, an after effect of our decision to be open with everyone in our lives. I got on this bandwagon once I read the material about keeping secrets - and DH agreed with me. I'm glad we did it, but its amazing how many people have disappeared that once were friends. And my IL are missing in action (funnily enough I care more about this than DH does) and they're the ones I'm expecting the most comments from.

Anyway, this is too far in the future. Let's see if we get past the next gate of group counselling and getting our SD's results (which I'll pursue once I'm better from this).

Lulu - that's brilliant news about 10 weeks - I hope everything goes amazingly well!

Marg - you go girl! People who think that traditional relationships work for everyone need to have their heads read AND mind their own business about people going it alone. Babydust to you!!

[MargOZ]

Hi Gargy, hoping the throat is back to 100% soon. [[ HUGS ]] As for convincing yourself that a life without children is possible - I SO know what you're saying. I've tried to go down that route, particulary after my last unsuccessful IVF cycle in July last year - I'd almost thought I'd had enough then. BUT I'm not ready to give up just yet. I hope it's not wishful thinking but I honestly feel like I'm meant to be a Mum. I don't know exactly how or when but it's going to happen. And I hope that is the same for every other wonderful woman here. xoxo

Actually had a good weird experience last week. Although I have been seeing the same male GP for quite a few years now, he got sick himself with bowel cancer a few years ago so I had to find another GP. Never found one I was really happy with and ended up going to a local Women's Clinic. The female GP there is AMAZING but unfortunately her main clinic has a waiting list for new patients and it's tough getting an appointment with the Women's Clinic because everyone wants to see her!

Anyway, my GP is well and back at work again and although he knows about all the IVF stuff he has hardly said a word to me about it (I still go to the Women's Clinic to discuss anything fertility related). BUT when I saw my GP last week for this stupid sore throat and to get some antibiotics, he started asking me all about IVF and where I'm up to and wished me luck with this current cycle.

AND then he went on to ask me all about my plans once I'm pregnant, did I want to go private or public, he could recommend a good gyno, discussed some of the risks at my age etc etc! It seemed so out of the blue! I told him that I had been thinking about all that stuff when I first started down this road in 2004 but that now all I could think about was just the first step of actually getting pregnant!

But I have to admit it was SO NICE talking about actually being pregnant! I'm a horror for looking for 'signs' but I couldn't help thinking it was a great sign and it felt great! LOL!

Okay, I think that's enough from me!

Hope everyone is well,
Marg

[anney]

Hi girls,
I have been on holidays so haven't posted.
I am so glad to see everything is going well for you Lulu.
Gargy, I was not in the same boat as you exactly but when I got pg. at 39, my family and friends were just so supportive and excited. it was really wonderful. I felt like the centre of attention for 5 months. (didn't tell anyone until I was 18 weeks just in case) I am sure when it happens everyone will be thrilled.
Marg. great to see you are cycling again and it must have been really nice to have your doctor talk about being pg. sometimes we forget about that exciting part when we are concentrating on the stressful IVF bit. hope everything goes well.
have just come back from lunch with a prospective egg donor. early days yet but things are sounding good

[MsPink]

Hello All,

I just came back from my NT scan and have found out that my baby (twin 1) died at 10weeks 1 day. I had a scan the day before in my doctors office, just to check things, and all was perfect.
I am so so sad. To lose 2 out of 2 (twins) has broken my heart.
I am booked in for a curette tomorrow and then start on the roller coaster all over again asap.
I am a sad sad girl..


Lulu

[sushee]

I'm so so very sorry for your loss, Lulu.

[Caramello]

Oh Lulu, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. Look after yourself, I'll be thinking of you...

[MargOZ]

Lulu, I'm so sorry to hear the awful news. I wish there was more I could say or do to help but remember we are always thinking of you. Try and take good care.

Marg
xoxo

[Lissie]

Lulu,
Haven't posted for a while and thought i might see what you have all been up to.
I am so so sorry that you lost your little ones - words are not enough - wish we could all wrap you up with hugs and make you feel better but i know how you feel - my thoughts and prayers are with you. Be kind to yourself and take care:hugs:

[MsPink]

Thanks all for your kind thoughts.
I am doing better this week.
Now am just wishing time away hoping AF arrives sooner then later...mind you am still bleeding from d & c.
As each month ticks away I become more frightened.
So now I sit and wait (not so patiently).
Marg - how are you doing? have you started the needles??

best..Lulu

[MargOZ]

Lulu - so sorry to hear that there are some more hurdles in the way - but hopefully you will be jumping over them soon and that BFP wont be far away. Don't forget we're always thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes your way. Take care. xoxo

Had my IUI yesterday (as the pick-up/transfer was cancelled because I only had 4 follicles). There are three good sized follicles so I'm hoping at least one of those has a beautiful big egg waiting to do it's thing! Of course the FS did comment yesterday that as he gave the go ahead for the IUI that it's his fault if I end up with triplets! LOL!

Anyway, now keeping everything crossed and waiting for test day which is 18th May. Would make THE BEST birthday present!

Thanks again for the support,
Marg

[Caramello]

Hi Lulu - thinking of you and hoping you're ok.

Marg - still have my fingers crossed for you that it's BFP!!

Anney - hows things??

Lissie - hi to you too!!

I think I've spent a lot of time lately just reading through posts and having an absolute whinge in the 'Boo hoo room'. Can't believe our luck lately - I think we were hit with so many things at once my immune system said 'stuff this, you're getting a cold.'

At least now I feel more comfortable about the way things are heading with our SD, even if it took mass panic to get us to see our FS. I was thinking the other day that there is a huge difference between using an unknown and known donor that I had no concept of until we started this process.

With an unknown donor the person has already made the decision and gone through the process. With known, we all go through the process together - and life happens in the meantime, with all it's ups and downs. I suppose the other frustration is that when it is your partner you know it is your priority to get the tests done and find out all you can. With a known donor it's one step removed, and you don't have the same control.

Is this how everyone else has found it when they know their donor? How have you overcome the communication issues?

I'm waiting for my body to recover, then I'm going to start a exercise/health program. Wish me luck!!

[MsPink]

Hi Gargy,

I am doing better thankyou.

I do know what your are going thru with your known donor in a way. Up until now I have been using an anonymous donor. This was not my first choice. I know for me its quite different from you as I am single. My choice is for my child to know their donor father.

My known donor decided long after I started this long journey. He was bloodtested etc and frozen 6mths ago, he is now 'cooked' so to speak. He is also single. We have had many many long and involved conversations and emails with regards to the future and his role in the childs life. See with me - I want his involvement. Although I have some frozen embies left, I have chosen to do a whole fresh cycle (yes can you believe I am volunteering for 2 needles a day again!!) so I can use his 'stuff'.

Obviously, your scenario is quite different and difficult. I wonder if you are still waitlisted for a donor. I was so disheartened when I was waitlisted - but it took less then 10mths. Also...did u know that some clinics import the 'stuff' from the states so there is no waitlist..?? Anyway..whatever the scenario - it's all so so hard..

Marg - been thinking of you..how are you doing?

[MargOZ]

Hi Lulu, it was interesting to see that your preference is a known donor. I started off with that way of thinking a few years ago but have kinda gravitated the other way lately! Unless I could find a known donor where we could agree on pretty much 99% of everything, then I have my reservations. At least the other way I get to make all the decisions! LOL! Of course from the child's point of view I think it would be nice for them to know who their father is from day one. It is such a difficult path to go down sometimes and to know what the right thing is to do. Having said that, I do have a friend who has offered to donate BUT he lives 2 hours away and I think he is the one that is going to struggle not being closer to his child. It's never simple!!!

Gargy - good luck with the health/fitness program - sending you lots of healthy and positive vibes! I also think it's the control factor that worries me most about a known donor. It means putting trust in someone else when we are playing with pretty high stakes - which of course is a baby. But I guess we have to find the best way to manage whatever obstacles are thrown in front of us - because when we are holding that precious bub in our arms it will all have been worth it.

As for me and this current cycle, I'm in the TWW and going slowly mad! The Clinic want me to do a HPT on Fri 18th May - seems like forever away! I had my last pregnyl injection last night so now it's just wait and see if Mother Nature has done her thing!

I've decided to sneak a HPT on Tue the 15th - only coz it's my birthday and there is only ONE birthday present I want. I guess it will either make my birthday ultra special or I'll have the most miserable birthday ever! I know, I'm crazy!!!!!

Hope everyone else is well.

Marg
xoxo

[MsPink]

Hey Marg,

I have lots of reasons for preferring a known donor over unknown. See..not sure if you know this but a donor is always a donor in the eyes of the law. He doesnt get put on the birth certificate and has absolutely no jurisdiction within the childs life. Even if something were to happen to me, the child would be left in the care of my sister should I specify in my will - he has no say as in he is not legally recognised as the legal father. This obviously is only the case if there is no 'sex' to create the child.
I made it clear to him that I would rather have an anonymous donor then a known one who has no interest in the child - I am always thinking how the child will feel later down the track. He has no financial responsibility. Should he want to help or buy the child clothes/books etc he is most welcome..he said he has every intention of this. I know he will be a rather active father figure - well as much or little as we agree later and I would like this for my child, remembering again that at no time will he be legally recognised so the ball is in my court. I know he will be a good dad and wants to see the child weekly minimum.
I guess I am going down this track because I know I will not/cannot really have trouble from him with regards to custody. He has absolutely no interest in having a child live with him full time. He is is a relationship and is very very content. In saying that..he really wants this child.
When I got pregnant he was pretty devasted. I told him that I could not sit and wait another 6mths till his sperm was 'cooked'. I had no choice but to start with the donor.
Now that I am sadly no longer pregnant - well he gets the opportunity and is thrilled.