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Thread: Long Term Assisted Conception - September '05

  1. #37

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    I know I don't belong here but I just wanted to say hello to Trish and it's good to have you back. Great news on starting a cycle again and hope all is well with your family.

    Oh yeh, hello to the rest of you lot too - didn't mean to be rude or anything


  2. #38

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    Hey Humphrey, good to see (?) you. Rude, nah - ya wally!! [-X
    Sue

  3. #39

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    Good afternoon ladies, I guess I'm not quite long term either, but have a long term question:
    What effect has AC had on your relationships?

    I'm starting to feel like I can't go on anymore because of the effect it's having on 'us', how do you get by?

  4. #40

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    Hi *Tam*
    I completely understand how you feel. Given where I am in life now, I may not be the best person to give advice on relationships!! My ex and I certainly had our ups and downs with it.
    So, with perfect, 20-20 hindsight, I'd probably say:
    Don't forget to take the time to enjoy each other. Just like when you first met. Keen mentioned the other day she and DH were going on a date - perfect idea. You really do need to try to do those things.
    Try to work as a team in your quest to have a child. Encourage and support each other.
    Remember, a lot of men really do have trouble expressing feelings. A major part I think is that men are wired differently to women. When faced with a problem - they do all they can to fix it. TTC doesn't work that way. A lot of the time your DH probably just can't stand to see you upset knowing he is powerless to change things. He's upset too. No, I'm not making excuses for men - just able to view it more objectively these days.
    Always remember - a woman is not defined by her ability to conceive. [-X It's so, so easy to obsess. So, so hard not to. I spent 11 years doing it.
    My main piece of advice? Don’t let the baby chase take over.

  5. #41
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    Hi Tam & Humphrey!

    Well said Sue - I don't really have much to add, agree with Sue whole heartedly. I think it helped my DH to have a mate who had been through it before. They had a good old chuckle about "knocking the top off" at EPU.. they even compared diagnoses etc (both guys had abnormal morphology). Unfortunately he's not the type to join an internet forum - but I can work on that... (nag nag nag)

    Overall, the process has brought us closer together. He has said to me a couple of times that he feels so helpless. As Sue said, he has this "fix it" mind set and I guess he gets a bit frustrated. I'm one of those who has become a little obsessed (and hence am seeing the counsellors this week) and DH often tries to 'ground' me by saying things like how he'd love children but can live without them, that he loves me no matter what etc.

    But I agree with Sue about finding time for yourselves.
    I hope that helps!
    Cheers
    H

  6. #42

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    Righto, just because you guys have your own party going on here doesn't mean you can abandon us in assisted conception [-X . Feel free to be forum ****s - I won't think any less of you.

  7. #43
    ann Guest

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    Waiting, Waiting and you all know how the rest goes, waiting for BT results.

    I want to be, but I think I've missed the PG bus.

    Ann ](*,)

  8. #44

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    Ann
    Don't give up yet - I can't say I have ever made it to beta - so I really don't know what you going through .

    They were always too far away for my liking but it saved the wondering after the bloodtest. Hugs to you for whatever the outcome. A good sign is no AF at the moment.

    Melbo get a BFP after a BFN on pee sticks if that is what you are worried about.

    Last time I was 5 -6 days late for me & my cycle but then the witch showed - on a very sad day anyway. Like she was rubbing it in. Hateful.

    Humphrey :shock: I wouldn't do that anyway -

    Tam -good Q - it is hard - after 13 -14yrs ttc - we have tried not to let it rule our life - until now IVF is very limiting in away.

    Heather & Sue - good advice - sometimes it can be so traumatic to a relationship and we do take out our frustrations on DH/DP or anyone else nearby. WE have to remember our love first for each other and love & desire for our maybe baby second to keep us firmly grounded.


    Sushee - I feel I am inbetween the two forums- I went in with my eyes wide open - I know success is not guaranteed but while it is bittersweet knowing some strike it lucky first go it is also rewarding to see those who have been through the hoops finally get a BFP.

    I know you know what 'tough nuts' are and they have done it tough -I can't imagine how they can still be ...
    that I steer clear of. When you lurk other places you shouldn't go and hear things that are best unheard(read) it can really dampen the spirits and empty the cup of hope if you are new to this IVF babygame. We need a balance here.


    Since I joined ltttc there have been 7 out of 15 who were in ltttc thread (a few months ago) who have got BFPs - of course not including the new gals.

  9. #45

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    Hello Guys,

    Ann, logged in hoping to see a result. Must check the other thread in case you posted there.

    Humphrey, I don't think you need to worry about any of you being abandoned. Just as I passed through the 'new to IVF' stage, and the 'Long Term IVF' stage, and now I'm going through the PG after LTTTC stage, I still indentify with each stage and will participate in each discussion. I think that while there are more than one 'phase' of IVF in terms of emotions/experiences/knowledge, we all understand that someone new would ultimately benefit from the knowledge of a veteran, and sometimes, watching someone new and hopeful get that BFP can make the veteran feel hope you haven't felt in a long time. Definitely interchangable.

    Trish, I do know of the Tough Nuts of course, and I have to admit, I too didn't always feel the fit. I hope this forum will be a positive, happy one in general, but still a forum for questions like the one Tam asked. I'm glad you're here, either way.

    Tam, after 4 IUIs, an IVF and an FET, I would have figured you for a vet, but of course it's how you feel it fits you. It took me a good while to identify myself as a Long Termer, but I'd like to think that being a Long Termer isn't the negative thing people make it out to be. I don't care if it happened first cycle or 8th, as long as it happened!

    As for relationships, I can't say I have an answer. I don't think DH and I would have ever split over IVF, but the pressure was sometimes immense, and there were some ugly fights. And like all ugly fights, if you come out of it the other end still together, then you're doing okay.

    Enough of my sagely advice! :-s I'm bushed (first day back to housewook - Yay for Public Holidays!...not) and a bit morose, I think.

    Back to work tomorrow! #-o

  10. #46

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    Hi Girls

    Just thought I would pop my head in and but in if thats Ok You have come up with some great points Sue you do need time to yourselves and I for one found it has brought DH and I closer especially after our loss on the first IVF cycle which was a bummer but yes it has definately brought us closer even though Dh doesn't talk about it much. Having friends who have been where we have with IVF but doing IUI is a help but only those that have lost an ~Angel~ really know how we feel.

    That's just my opinion hope it's ok to comment in here even though TTC #1 was only 15 mths and #2 has just been 6.

    Cheers

  11. #47

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    Awww, Humphrey. Abandon you? That's not my intention!!! Question - what is a ****sut? Is that a bit like Runaround Sue? If it is, then I'm one. Like the other ladies, I consider myself in 2 forums. I still stick my head in to see how you guys are all going, support you and offer advice where I can. In a lot of ways being in the LT TTC forum is good therapy for me. I can remember all those feelings from years ago when I thought I just would not survive the trip intact. Now I can look back and see that I did and how much my ability to cope with disappointment in general has improved. Oooops, I sound like a maiden aunt. By the way, can anyone tell me - am I the oldest out of all of us? Not that it bothers me - just thought there may be an award or something... 8-)

    But, at the same time, I'm feeling pretty cr*ppy about my seemingly hopeless situation now - I don't want to be saying negative things to you guys if I'm feeling like I'm just about at the end of the road IYKWIM. I too, am hoping this forum won't become bitter and twisted. We'll make sure it doesn't. Trish had some great words once - let the experience make you better, not bitter. Perfect.

    Back to the relationship question. My ex would not even consider IVF until his best mate and wife were told that was their only hope. Then it was an ok thing to do. I'd tried to get him to an appointment for 2 years! Of course, they got their appointment before us, then she fell pg naturally!

    Anyway, enough of that. How's everyone else in here today?
    Keen - where are you? Is tomorrow the big day? Good luck if it is.
    Hey, Sush, no work for you. Any new bribes in mind? Hope nobody else can access your work email!!!

    Ciao for now

  12. #48
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    LOL - ****sut? tehehe

    I'm 35 going on 36.. (hmmm no, doesn't really sound as good as 16/17 does it..)

    Keen - just wanted to send you my best wishes again!! In case you're lurking and can't sleep before the big day...

    Take care
    love
    H

  13. #49

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    Great Blue, now I'm gunna go to bed singing that song...

  14. #50

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    Good to hear your thoughts and experiences, we had a good talk today & ironed out some points to each other. Guys just don't talk but we agreed on some things.

    Also I think I was getting the winter blues, it's hard to be excited when there isn't anything to be excited about. But we are going to the local 'royal show' in a couple of weekends & having a weekend away at the end of next month so hoping a couple of things like that boost our spirits again. Give me something else to think about & do!

    Take care ladies & I'm soooo happy you are here!

  15. #51

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    Morning ladies, well it's all systems go for me, AF arrived this morning.

  16. #52

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    Goodluck Sheree - what is your protocol ?

    Tam - it sounds like you & DH are working on boosting those flagging spirits - and your heavy hearts. Having a bit of fun helps.

    An unsuccessful cycle is a real disappointment -knowing you had a fertilised little bubba and it didn't make it. Though it isn't a recognised 'loss' it is still right to be grieved.

  17. #53

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    Trish,

    I couldn't agree with you more. After each failed cycle, I kept thinking about how my embryo/s didn't make it, and no one really understands that grief unless they've been through it. It's a small, private grief, but one nonetheless.

    Sheree, Yay on AF arriving (and that's the last time we celebrate her arrival for you, you hear?)

    Keen, good luck with the transfer! I'm soooooo excited for you!

    Ann, hoping that it was good news and you are doing the superstitious thing of not wanting anyone to know just yet...

    love
    sushee

  18. #54

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    Tam - I believe that longer you are on the IVF and doing the drugs and dealing with the relationship issues the easier it gets - sorry. It's like a lesson is learnt each time and hopefully you both can move on from it. But in saying that, I also think there is a rollercoaster effect on the relationship (ups and downs etc). In addition, there are the other life issues that impact on the relationship and if by chance there is high stress in other areas of your life then going through IVF also becomes tougher. Ongoing BFN and "maybes" s*ck - in that you can demonstrate focus and committment for little or no reward. I personally have a mantra that says I totally and completely accept myself. Sometimes it works and sometimes a night on the booze works!!!

    ====> My protocol is a new one for me and is for poor responders:
    CD2-6: clomid 100mg
    CD2- trigger: gonalf 300IU
    Regular scans from CD5 to monitor follie size, when dominant follie reaches 14mm then oragulaton until trigger.

    Hopefully.......we get to ET!!!

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