Hey Jules,

I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time at the moment. I know that when we discovered that IVF was really the only way we were going to conceive, it made DH feel really defensive as though it was an attack on his manhood, as such. It was an challenging thing for both of us and difficult to communicate about at first. He was really good with it all, but at first everything to do with it made him really uncomfortable, which made me uncomfortable too. He was quite demanding of our FS, and I think that came from his defensiveness. Now he's an old hat. He's been able to accept it and express how it makes him feel and vice versa and he's had time to get used to the idea. We're currently in our second cycle.

Counselling sounds like a great idea, but even before that, it might be worth finding a way to communicate to DF and see if he is able to communicate back to you in a way that expresses how he is feeling, how the idea of IVF makes him feel, and why he feels he wants to change his mind now. Maybe part of the problem is that it is something that's difficult to communicate about for him. Irritable and aggressive behaviour can be a sign of bottled up emotions and no outlet for them.

On the flip side, you haven't mentioned whether he has been communicative or not, so I could be off the path completely. In that case, counselling may be a good option for giving him a forum for expressing himself in relation to the idea of IVF.

I hope that this is able to resolve for you soon, Jules. I can imagine it's creating a great deal of stress for you, especially after TTC for 2 years, which is stressful enough. Take care of yourself

Miss C