You guys have really opened my eyes as to what it is like - guess it never crosses your mind if you never experience it.
She has agreed to try to repair our friendship - so we are going to go shopping - she needs new clothes apparently. Doesn't want to go with our other mutual friend cos she doesn't want to make her feel bad (our mutual friend is quite a heavy girl - my friend is a size 6!!)
DH can look after the kids that day and I will promise to myself to NOT talk about the kids!!!
hi arimeh,
just my two bob, don't go way out of your way to not talk about kids because it will be obvious and just as difficult for her. I'm happy to hear how my friend's little ones are going and then move the conversation onto other topics. I also respect that my friends also have their own problems which are no less significant than mine and being a good friend, I want to share the burden of those issues. So be a good friend but she needs to come to the party at some stage as well. but my relationships have remained strong, so it's a bit different for you.
I think you just need to let her sort her issues out and let her know you are there - an nonjudgemental, supportive, honest friend.
Being childless when everyone else is popping them out at a rate of knots is truly something noone can appreciate unless you've been there. So the fact that you were even considerate enough to ask for feedback speaks volumes on what a kind, thoughtful friend you are. Good luck. I hope it all goes well.
that's my two bob, and as sunflowagirl said - it is just my opinion and not meant to offend anyone.
Last edited by grub17; January 26th, 2009 at 05:26 PM.
i agree hun - don't obvioulsly omit your children - they are a part of your life - just tell her from the outset that if things are getting uncomfy with something you say, then she needs to tell you. you'll have things about your life that you can't help but speak of - like the convo we had earlier where you're still wearning mat clothes ( ) - if you happen to say "i wish i could find every day pants as comfy as my mat pants" then it's no biggie - but don't then have a full on conversation about the hell of finding the best pants etc.
try to remember what it was that made you and her friends in the first place - what did you have in common? if either of you have something big coming up, discuss it - but if it revolves are kid things, minimise the kidlet aspect, and talk about how it impacts YOU! you're thinking of moving - that's about you and your DH and the opportunities for the two of you - the kidlets just go with you - so talk about that kind of thing kwim?
it's never possible to not discuss your children at all - if you did, you'd be a pretty cruddy mum - what you have to do is read her responses to the conversation, and if she doesn't engage you, change the topic. so, i guess what i'm saying is if you mention the kids and you get yes no, uh huh responses, she's not comfy - if you get "wow, that's fantastic, how is Mehkelti coping with day care" then you can see she wants to encourage that convo....
If she decides to talk about the fertility stuff, you do have a vague idea of what it's about - you don't have to know the facts and figures, but you can empathise (and you do it pretty well) - and if she chooses to divulge her reasons for not pursuing any treatment, that's up to her. if she mentions trying things, i'm pretty sure you have a reasonable understanding of things like PCOS, endo, IUI, IVF so will at least get what she's saying...
Enjoy your time out with your friend - and just see how it goes - if you don't have that same degree of comfort with her that you had before, itmight truly be that you're in different places in your life - it's damn hard to admit it, but sometimes it's just not possible to maintain friendships when your lives are so very different - esp when one has what another can never have kwim?
(and to you BG for telling everyone I"m still living in my maternity pants.. lol)
I think I'll just leave it up to her to bring up my kids - and let her lead the conversations - answer questions, but minimally. I'm sure if she wants to know more she can always ask right?
She can fish for information - saves me putting my foot in my mouth.
Well.. at least I have a plan!!!
Thanks guys - you are all gorgeous.
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) - if you happen to say "i wish i could find every day pants as comfy as my mat pants" then it's no biggie - but don't then have a full on conversation about the hell of finding the best pants etc. 
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