Yeah I agree that this is sometimes an overlooked area of the whole IVF procedure, when couples are referred to IVF by a GP, gyno or other medic. And yet, so much depends on this when doing IVF.

I have a couple of points of view - from different relationship perspectives.

After my second m/c, I really hit rock bottom and was very depressed. So much so, that I needed some medication to get me through each day. DH wasn't handling my mental state very well at all and I felt like he was blaming me for everything going worng (not the m/c per se, but other things at home). In the weeks after the m/c, I felt we were always fighting. Once I got my brian under control via the meds, things became much better and I must admit, poor DH was probably taking his cues from me.

We went straight on IVF after that m/c . I stopped the meds before commencing IVF and I have never looked like needing them again. I guess I got a better perspective of what was going on, and stopped blaming myself for the failed pgs.

Since beginning IVF and all the assisted reproduction (in all its guises!!), I feel that DH and I have a much better understanding and in depth knowledge of what the whole process is. I reckon that even though I have a background in science and DH is initmately aware of reproduction through AIing the cows, that neither of us really thought beyond having sex to have a baby. Armed with the knowledge of hormones, mucus, sperm health, ovum health, genetic issues, blood issues, environmental issues, timing, charting, drug therapy, relaxation, alternative medicines etc etc... we are better equipped as a couple to face the pressures of IVF.

It is funny to think that the whole stress and strain of IVF has made us a better, more informed couple about reproduction. For us, IVF made us as a couple, not broke us. I guess that from my perspective (and I'm sure DH will support this), if we can make it through IVF, we can make it through anything!

Extended family have been reasonably good, although I must admit, we have been selective in who we have let know about the whole fertility problem issue. But the ones we have told, have been supportive without being too interferring. In fact, I think because we told only selected family members and asked them not to say anything, they felt a sense of giving us privacy and that we would fill them in when they needed to know.

However, I wish I could say the same for other relationships. Work collegues have been another kettle of fish.

Some people have been ok, but on the whole, I think that unless you have to mention it (which I did), it is best left unsaid. Particulary if those work collegues either don't currently have children or are just starting families themselves. I found that things varied from outright noseiness to downright disinterest. And I have also found that some relationships that were previously strong, have waned over the past couple of years, while I have been TTC and they have been having babies. Like they feel guilty for talking to me. Or embarrassed. Or something. Maybe they think they are 'saving' me from heartache by not having to see or hear about their kids. In fact, sheltering by others can make things worse. I felt alienated and rejected a lot of the time, even though they probably felt they were trying to do a good thing.

I also got this from some extended family members too - especially when they would have babies themselves. All of a sudden, there was this distance between us. I still feel that even though I am now pg, DH and I are on the outer somewhat.

I guess, like any major lifestyle issue, this type of thing really sorts out your true friends form your aquaintances. The trick is to know which are which. My advice is to identify who will proivide support and who will just want updates on how you are doing. Others will just want the gossip about you. Rely on the ones that will provide true support, because although DH/DP may be very supportive and understanding, IVF is bigger than the two of you, and occasionally, you both need someone else to talk to other than each other.

Hayseed