Long Term TTC & Assisted Conception - Nov 2007

[Peta]

HI All
Negative BT results for us today too. Although I was kind of expecting it, I am still devasted. My next appointment is not till 16th to find out the next step.
TL - I am so sorry about your BT result too. One day it has to happen for us (all of us!).
Well, take care girls, hope you all pick a winner at the Melbourne Cup tommorrow.
xo

[butterfly_warrior]

Peta, I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. Better luck next time.

BG, you are so incredibly correct, yet again. The problem is that while I know I need to put myself first, it just isn't easy. How do you tell your mother that she can't come and stay for a week when you'll be finding out the result of the current IVF cycle without actually telling her there's a current IVF cycle? How do you tell the other side of the family that you don't want to travel hundreds of km to see the whole family because I have absolutely no desire to spend Christmas with people I don't know (I've met DH's brothers once each, one SIL once, the other SIL never, two nieces never at all, and the other niece and nephew once), nor do I have any desire to tell what amounts to random strangers about IVF (yes, I know I tell random strangers about IVF here on BB every single day - totally different to face to face communication!). How do I tell my family that I have no desire to spend Christmas with them because evidence is pointing to my sister having a special little announcement for us all. How do I protect myself from that without incurring the wrath of my mother? How can I be honest about how I feel (which I need to be), when exposed to that sort of thing... if I'm right, it will be done publicly, flamboyantly, and DH and I will have no escape, no respite and mum will lecture me about being a snotty little brat if I don't overflow with joy and enthusiasm...

*sigh*

I just can't see how to do it. I know I need to put myself first, but family is making that so much harder to do. I don't want to tell any of the family about the current cycle (due to their tendency to call and ask before we're ready to tell), but it appears that it's the only way to make them give us the space we need... except it just doesn't work!

I'm about to head into another long and ranty vent here. My psychologist doesn't get back until the 18th of December, I'm really struggling with all of this, and I hate the fact I'm already having anxiety attacks about Christmas in early November!

Anyone have any advice here?

BW

[Hollybolly]

Hi Everyone

Far out, there are so many newbies in here, I'm so sorry I can't welcome you all personally
Welcome to all of the lovely newbies

Rols (still not used to your new name yet... soon!!!) - So sorry to hear your results xxx
Hoping that the new year brings new energy and a completely different result for next cycle - Sending lots of positive thoughts your way for next time

TL - I'm so sorry, hun :hugs:
Next time will be the one - Take the time over Christmas to be naughty and have some wine & choccy and all things bad for you before you start again in the new year xxx

Peta - Sweetie, so sorry also xxx

BW - I'm not sure what to offer you sweetie in regards to the family probs
This happened to me last year - we got yet another BFN from our 4th cycle in November and then we backed up to go and spend Christmas with DH's family - His sister had her 4 month old son there, and then announced to everyone over lunch that she was expecting baby #2... and was almost 10weeks - so basically fell pg as soon as she came home from hospital after giving birth
People don't think about what they say, but her words were along the lines of "OMG how easy was that, not even thinking about it - Pregnancy just happens in this family"...hhhmmm, Really???!!! My reply was a grumbled mess, but it made for an uncomfortable day for me and lots of over the top fake smiles to hold myself back from tears... I was still struggling to come to terms with the result of our neg IVF cycle, let alone a newish baby and his mum pg again so soon..... All this from a girl who was a huge party girl, and was never going to have kids - and did so after much convincing from her DH.... She love sthem to death, though, and I'm happy for her - Such is life, but it sucks sometimes

It was hard, and the only reason I'm breathing easy this year about Christmas (another year on and we still are in no different position to last year, but both SIL's have new babies since last Christmas - both their 2nd ones), is because neither of them are having anymore children, and my brother is gay, so I know he and his partner aren't announcing anything anytime soon
My only advice is that I wouldn't wish upon you what happened to me last year - Just wasn't ready to cope so soon after a negative cycle - and your cycle is going to be closer than mine was... If its not good news for you guys, (and I'm hoping, of course, that its GREAT news!!!) you will still be coming to terms with that - If you're expecting news from your sister, then its just too much to take, hun - Don't do it to yourself.
Make up anything that gets you out of it - Protect yourself, I can talk from experience, it was just way too hard (and I wasn't expecting it - you are)

Missy - Whats happening with your embies??? Hope you still have great numbers and they're nice and strong

Dusty - How are things hun?? Hope that cyst is staying out of the way xxx

To everyone else I've missed, a big hello and sorry

As for me - nothing to update, to be honest TTC this month has been a non event, DH has been away a little with work over the period I needed him to be here so a pg out of this cycle will be a real real miracle!!
Will be back on track for next month, though

Hope everyone is wonderful!

And Nic - Yay again!!!!

xxx

[butterfly_warrior]

Thank you, Holly. Tried to give you some reputation points for your wonderful and honest answer, but apparently I need to share it out a bit more first.

You are indeed very correct. Even if my sister doesn't have a bombshell for us, I think Christmas around them will just be too much to take, whether I get good news or bad from this cycle. I know I need to put myself first, but I guess I'm having trouble giving myself permission to do that. Will need a lot of discussion with DH, I simply do not want to spend the day around people that are clueless, tactless and completely insensitive to our situation. I suspect that I will end up having to write both families a long letter to explain why. It will make my mother sulk, but I think that it will have long-term benefits if I do. I just don't think I can take another phone call at the conclusion of a cycle, another question or comment blurted out in front of random extended family members who I really don't want to know the situation in full, another pregnancy/birth announcement dropped on me in a crowd with no preparation. I need something better/more/different from our families, but I can't see a way of telling them that right now.

I've really got myself in a pickle here.

BW