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thread: Scream, cry, vent! #2

  1. #37
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jan 2005
    in the valley of cuddles with mountains of smiles

    The bank reversed our $1500 'donation' to crims yesterday -only took them 6 days but I am so glad - its part of our IVF baby money

  2. #38
    ann Guest

    Hi Ladies,

    Just wanted to let everyone know that I am ****ed off severly!!!!

    DH found out he got the promotion at work on Tuesday, last week, and guess what? Yesterday he had to leave for a month of training, 1,000 km's away. $hit, now I am stuck in a place that I hate, with no DH, he's the only reason I'm sticking around this hell hole, now he's buggered off for a month. :mad:


  3. #39
    Registered User

    Sep 2004

    Oh Ann, I would be p%%%%d too......

  4. #40
    Registered User

    Feb 2005


    The faint of heart may wish to turn around at this juncture. Consider yourself warned.


    Okay here goes ...

    I was very tired and went to bed but found myself lying awake again, unable to sleep. This is common for me now ... you would think I would be used to it but no. Insomnia seems to be a permanent part of my life now.

    Maybe it's all this discussion about the funding cuts to IVF but I'm telling you what ... I'm over it. I'm tired of trying to explain to other people why this is so wrong. Would so many people be interested in this debate if if were not about reproduction? The answer is no and you know why? Because I think that deep down, people like Tony Abbott think that this stuff only happens to "selfish career women" who should just accept their childless lot in life, put up and shut up. If the truth be told, that is what they think. But I digress.

    What I'm really here to talk about is how it feels to live every day, hating your body because it won't do something as simple as reproduce. How you hate going to the supermarket because the place is full of women with babies and even a whole aisle devoted to baby products that I sometimes just feel like running down armed with a broomstick, smashing everything off the shelves. How I have to go out into the world every day, day after day, pretending to be normal and pretending to care about something other than what day in my cycle it is and will I get pregnant this time? How I hate the fact that I have to spend thousands and thousands (on top of the thousands I have already spent on this fruitless quest) to try to have a baby, knowing that this might not even work? How I have to smile and congratulate people who tell me "Whoops, I'm pregnant again and we weren't even trying!". How my body, in exchange for all the years I've spent feeding it a nourishing diet and exercising, turned on me by giving me endometriosis. And the worst thing? The people who tell me I should "just adopt" because as we all know, that is so bloody easy isn't it? And cheap too! Not to mention an INSULT to all those adopted people and their lovely families out there who aren't "just" anything! Memo to all ignoramuses ... adoption is not a last resort fallback for the infertile so don't insult us by so blithely suggesting something you know NOTHING ABOUT!!!!

    Let's see, can I sleep now? I don't think I'm quite finished ...

    Oh yes ... why do I keep persisting in trying to have my own baby? Because I want to be pregnant. I want to give birth. I want the little Rose or William I've waited for all this time. I want to have someone call me "Mum". A little person of my own that I can love and nurture, read to and bring up to be a kind, caring responsible citizen because God knows, this world needs more of them. If that makes me a selfish infertile 37 year old career woman then I guess that's what I am!!!!!!

  5. #41
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jan 2005
    in the valley of cuddles with mountains of smiles

    Dear Mel
    My heart reaches out to you for the way you are feeling right now. I understand where you are coming from and I agree wholeheartly. It is so damn hard -day in day out it is all we think about and it consumes us. Zapping our emotional and physical energy.

    Adoption is not easy and not everyones answer to a baby. Some people have no idea what we go through to achieve our babydream - they suck at trying to give us advice - like relaxing will help !

    I hope the future holds much happiness

  6. #42
    ann Guest


    I know exactly what you mean, me also being 37, I cop the "youre a bit old aren't you?" business, like I'm selfish wanting a baby at my age.

    I've even had that said to me by Dr's!

    And I know what you mean about those bloody baby isles at supermarkets, I just avoid them.

    I have found that some people are just so insensetive to other poeples feelings. I have been TTC for 41 months now, and I still hear "just relax" or "it will happen when you least expect it", yes I would love to have a baby, but I don't think I would cope at having a baby when I'm 60!

    Hang in there.

    Love Ann

  7. #43
    Registered User

    Jan 2004
    Melbourne, Australia

    I think it would be great for you to get those sentiments published in a newspaper or magazine. I really explains what infertility can do to people.

  8. #44
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber
    Add sushee on Facebook

    Sep 2004
    Melb - where my coolness isn't seen as wierdness


    I feel such a kinship to you right now it's not funny. But I carry different baggage in that I feel guilt because I've already had three kids, was capable of falling pg naturally, and threw it all away.

    I too avoid the baby section in supermarkets, but my parents tell me that I'm selfish as I already have three beautiful kids, and to count my blessings.

    Meanwhile my hubby (who has nothing wrong with him) is so desperate for a biological child, but still is so wonderful with his step kids. Better than their real dad ever was.

    Sometimes I think I can't take anymore. That I'm being punished for having had it easy and taking it all for granted. That I've been given my quota of children and that I am selfish and greedy for wanting more.

    Then I look at DH looking wistfully at prams at the Shopping Centre and I cannot explain how important it is for me to go on being strong.

    Mel, I guess I'm trying to say that I understand your anguish even if it's coming from different directions. And if I were in Melbourne, you and I would be going out for coffee right now to ***** about life and how much it sucks sometimes.


  9. #45
    Registered User

    Feb 2005

    Yes Mel that is exactly it, and at the moment my feeling is strong because of a BFN. I was thinking yesterday afternoon that if anyone dare say something to me about IVF cuts I would take their head off. Now I can really understand because that is where we are going. No IVF, no baby. We may not need more than 3 in a year but what if?

    I think I have finally got it into my DH about it 'taking over our lives'. He now understands that you can't help but think about it ever day- if you're not injecting, it's tablets or pessaries, EVERY SINGLE DAY! so how can you not think about it, or relax.
    Well, I guess I'm going to enjoy my month off before moving to IVF.

  10. #46
    Registered User

    Feb 2005

    Thanks Ladies, you are all wonderful. I know that only other people in our situation can understand how it is. I think the combination of too much work, the threat of funding cuts and the constant questions I've been getting from other people about the issue has stirred me up no end. It doesn't help that my first appointment is in about a week ... I couldn't believe the timing!!

    Thanks again. You are just the best.

  11. #47
    Registered User

    Sep 2004

    Oh Mel, honey, know how you are feeling right now. The majority of the time we stand strong with our brave faces and do our best to keep going, but ocassionally we melt.

    And you are totally allowed to.

    I know what you mean about feeling like your in a constant battle with your own body which refuses to do the one thing you have begged it to do.

    I have been trying for 3 and a half years now and still peole who know and to whom I have explained there is a medical reason as to why I havent had any babies yet - they still insist on telling me, if I relax it'll happen... :fuming: :smt062

    And totally understand the wanting to smash all the things down in the baby aisle...but it would be so much better if I had to buy it all because I was having a bub.

    So Im having a not so great time at the moment either. I know my lap results were good, but in typical fashion for us, although everything is great for me, suddenly DHs numbers have gone down - reducing the chances yet again. Now we have to bloody wait for our house to settle so we can pay the $6000 it costs for our ICSI cycle...

    hating the waiting.


  12. #48
    ann Guest

    Hey Keen,

    I also hate the waiting, as I am not a patient person at the best of times.

    But, won't the waiting be all worth it when we all get our little miricles?

    Luv Ann

  13. #49
    Registered User

    Sep 2004

    Yeah.... its just hard to take while you're going through it. But Im sure once it happens all the waiting will have been worth it and will feel like it almost never happened.


  14. #50
    Registered User

    Nov 2004

    boss from hell

    hi all,

    I have had the most terrible last two weeks!

    Not that feeling like crap with endo isn't crap enough my grandma passed away last monday. I went into work every day which i really shouldn't have. My boss was a total cow. She did not even bother to ask how i was or say sorry. I even had to come into work on the day of the funeral.

    I was so upset by this that i took the saturday off. she then went around telling all the staff that my " obsession with getting pg" was getting in the way of work! Hello my granma just died the last thing on my mind was baby making. And i think this last month since i have been told i have endo was the first month i did not think about babies every day.

    I don't know if i should confront haer about this as she has no idea that all the staff have told me. What do you wise ladies think i should do?

    Thank you girls


  15. #51
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jan 2005
    in the valley of cuddles with mountains of smiles

    Zap this-her behaviour is bordering on harassment and she has no right to disclose your personal details like mentioning 'baby making' to other staff. Totally unreasonable behaviour of anyone.

    If you feel able to - I would speak to her or do you have a more senior supervisor. You should not have to put up with this.

    This must be so awful to deal with - I am sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. :hugs:

  16. #52
    Registered User

    Feb 2005


    Firstly, I'm very sorry for the loss of your grandmother. It's always a sad thing but even harder for you now at this difficult time.

    Your supervisor is behaving like a complete ***** and not knowing about your grandmother's passing doesn't excuse it. Not only has she betrayed your confidence but she's abusing her position. She needs to be set straight and I would confront her about it. Write down everything you want to say first to get it straight in your head. Do you suspect that the reason she has told other people is with the full knowledge that they would tell you? I'm guessing this may have been her motivation for doing it. But in any case, it is wrong and she needs to be made aware that you know. Do you have a union rep or harrassment officer? If so, could they attend the meeting with you? A witness is always handy.

    If not possible, then just wait for a time when you feel strong enough to confront her.

    I'm so sorry that you have to put up with insensitive clods like that at your workplace.

    Let us know how it goes.



  17. #53
    Registered User

    Jan 2005

    I am so early in the TTC stakes (13months) that I feel sometimes I shouldn't join in here but I agree with Mel about the insinuation that infertility & IVF is a result of choice. There was an article in Brisbanes Courier Mail last thursday that compared IVFers to wait for it... The BALI 9!!! Its title was "Make the choice, Pay the Price" claiming that women need IVF due to a choice to have a career first and they should therefore cop the cuts to funding as the Bali 9 made the choice to smuggle drugs and should therefore cop their sentance!!! I was livid. No one I know would willingly choose IVF and the % of women in this forum who need it due to career choice is what 0!!!
    Phheww thats better

    I also am trying to cope with the ten women around me who are pg or have newborns and I must say they don't help... Two of my 3 closest friends are pg and our partners (all 4) went out on Sunday so we girls decided to go to the markets which quickly turned into a baby and Maternity clothes shopping day! Don't get me wrong I don't want to be excluded from their pregnancies but come on!! 8 hours of baby shopping and they are the ones saying just don't think about it it will happen!!!
    Ok I'm done thanks for the opportunity to get that out...
    Love Shez xox

  18. #54
    ann Guest

    Oh Shezabelle,

    You are not experiencing anything that we all haven't already been through. I know it doesn't help, but just remember that we are here for you, and this forum is really great for getting things off your chest.

    So let rip girl!


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