Hugs TD. I think the girls have given some great advice. I often felt that overwhelming need to tell my XH I loved him when I was depressed. I think it was my brain saying, "I suck but you're great and I want you to know that you're great" ITMS so depression could be a big part of this. I've never felt like I'm going to die necessarily but I do think about death a lot (always have since being a little kid) so I know how scary that is but my mission in life I guess is to simply accept that I AM going to die and use the fear to live the best life possible.

Working out feelings is a minefield - sometimes it helps to analyse them, sometimes it makes your head want to explode and gives you more things to worry and think about. Only you know what's right in your situation. You could keep analysing or you could accept that no-one knows the answer right now but the law of averages would suggest that you're NOT going to die.

Give meditation a shot (I've only dabbled but thought it was fab) AS LONG AS you won't beat yourself up if you can't get the hang of it. I tried it when I was in a good place but I know if I'd tried it when I was in a bad place it wouldn't have worked and I would have used the failure as further evidence that I sucked.

It sounds like you've got a lot on mentally - I hope things calm down for you soon xxxx