Ahh, the double life. The one full of the 'should have beens' and 'would have beens' and missed milestones. I never found a way of avoiding that stuff, it's a difficult thing to go through. I find the more I tried to avoid thinking about it, the more I'd think about it ITMS. Try to go with the flow of your grief hun. Be gentle with yourself.

Definitely talk to him in the dark. I don't know why but it really is easier. And ask him to hold you. It's not ideal but sometimes you just have to be blunt and ask for what you need. eg: "I'm so sad about our loss. I need you to hold me."

I don't have any answers regarding his aloof seeming behaviour. Like I said, maybe he's feeling a bit confused by it all. At that early stage, to a man, it's not tangible. The baby isn't inside their body, and they don't feel the physical effects of pg and then loss. It's okay to feel differently about it, the important thing is that you can still find support by asking for what you need, and telling him you need time to overcome your sadness. That you won't just 'get over it' and will never just 'get over it'.

I hope my ramblings are bringing some kind of comfort. I wish I could do something but I know there's nothing. Actually, there is one small thing. I think I have something which you might like to have. Just a little momento to have and to hold, if you want it, PM me.